Before the slope becomes too steep...

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

I am currently in a good relationship. Everything about it is pretty good. She is a very sweet girl with a peculiar sense of humor and I feel very comfortable around her in so many ways.

 

But I don't see myself being with her for the long haul. We've been together for almost a year and a half, and I guess I would expect by now I would have changed my mind, or something new would develop, but it hasn't.

 

We've had our ups and our downs, and currently we're doing just fine, but I can tell that she's thinking about marriage, children, houses, and other long term commitments, and I am definitely not thinking any of that.

 

You see, the only problem with the relationship is that it can only get more serious from here. I recognize the longer we're together, the more she will expect, and I don't have any intention of taking the relationship farther.

 

We're both at the age where friends are getting married, having kids, and she's getting excited by the idea. I am not.

 

I have talked to her about this, but she remains steadfast in her commitment to me. I tell her I don't want to live with her, and she gets really sad about it, but then she tries her hardest to make me happy and to change my mind.

 

Part of me thinks that now is a good time to sit her down and end the relationship on good terms, rather than wait until things become more serious. This way, she could be out there finding the guy who wants to be with her and marry her, etc. Also, it would be a mature way to end the relationship so neither of us loses a friend.

 

But, on the other hand, I recognize that she would take it as a blow to her self-esteem and she would be very bummed out by it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't think there's a way to make sure she understands that this is to prevent things from being worse down the road. Also, I'm battling with the fact that she's a perfectly wonderful girlfriend in many ways, and I don't want to realize what a great gig I had two or three years down the road when its too late.

 

Ugh. Feel free to respond with your suggestions, while I search the rest of the site for similar deals.

[sweetheart607]

I'd say break it off now. If i was her i would want to know it would hurt like hell but at least she'd know where she stands and it would give her the opportunity to move on and be with someone who does want to give her those things. Its one of those cases where being cruel to be kind is the best option.

[liat]

I recognize that she would take it as a blow to her self-esteem and she would be very bummed out by it.

I'm willing to wager a guess and say that she'd be more hurt if she found you stayed with her out of "pity." Knowing a guy was with me for these reasons, would hurt far worse than him telling me the truth.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i think you would be doing a really big favor to you both. the longer you guys stay together, the more used to each other you get and the more harder a habit it will become to break, not to mention the let down it will be when you never end up getting married after years and years of dating.

 

she is a great girl like you said, but she just isn't for you, (from what i read). she is like a lovely shoe that is just not your size.

 

i had one experience where i had to "let my bf go" because he was truly a great bf and we had really good times, but i knew i didn't love him the way he deserved to be loved and treated. "that thing" that made me want to be with him for the long haul just wasn't there. we now are great friends though and him and his ex got together and she is now pregnant (after less then a year).

now off course i really wanted him back b/c i knew he was a great catch, but after i got passed my somewhat "selfishness", we realized we were better friends as we were before the relationship.

i'm not saying to be friends with you current gf. that isn't always easy. just saying i think it would be best to tell her the truth even though it is going to be hard as hell...

[drewciouS281]

You need to dig deep on this one man.. samething happened to me. My girl and i off and on have had been together for a year. lived together and everything. well i started feeling like i couldnt picture being with her for the long run neither. she was wonderful and all but i just couldnt. well i ended the relationship and she was crushed. than a couple days after that i realized she was going to move on i re analyzed everything and realized i do want to be with her. I almost lost her for good and she decided to give me a second chance after a couple weeks. We are awesome now and im also at the age where everyone is gettin married and havin kids. she wants it and im ready for it but i finally realized actually this afternoon that the fear i have had of her not being the one is actually a fear within myself of being a failed marriage. You gotta confront your own skeletons like i do. This may be the girl.

[beautifulbutterfly19]

wow. you need to break it off for her sake. if you dont see yourself being with her for the rest of your life... you need to tell her. it isnt fair for her especially!

[jerseygirl 24]

I think you need to do alot of thinking and sole searching so that you can figure out and be absolutely sure exactly what it is you want --and then you can have a talk with her. I am in a similiar situation with my boyfriend, being he is the one confused about where he sees things going long term. We are currently taking a 'break' so that he can figure out what he wants before we take things any further. It hurts like hell, but I would appreciate knowing now that things arent going to move forward, then staying for another year and then parting ways. I believe I am a great girlfriend to him, that it couldnt get any better for him-- yet he still has doubts...i am trying to accept that even though I have tried my best and did all I can to be the best GF I can be, maybe just not the one for him... and as much as it hurts, if that is how he feels, it is best for both of us to move forward and move on... good luck with your situation

[rikka]

I'm with everyone else. You need to figure out your mind for sure. Then when you do, let her know. If you aren't in this for the long haul, let her go. Marriage and children is obviously something she wants, if you can't give it to her let her find someone who will.