dating diss-ignored

[JadedStar]

I should have been payed attention to, and instead I was ignored. You don't ignore friends. Why ignore the girl you are dating? He said HI and BYE yes. SO thats not what I want from a guy I am dating. The other posts were genuine. AND I got the help I needed

 

I totally disagree. If my husband even were going golfing with a buddy and I knew this ahead of time, and was at the same golf course and he didn't even know about it, I would not expect him to leave his friend who he made plans with to come show me attention.

 

I really think this is a case of your expectations being too high and you are making yourself upset over something that is not his deal. When he said he had plans with a friend, you should not have expected he come over and spend time with you.

 

You asked about it on this thread I was just telling you, as others have, that it was not really inappropriate what he did. To be honest, even if you were in an exclusive dating relationship I don't find his actions to be wrong. He was out with his friend at that time.

 

My post was extremely genuine. I gave you the assessment exactly how i see it.

[no_bad_news]

you would not expect your husband to acknowledge you?

 

HI and BYE is sufficient for you?

 

Seriously?

 

If your husband said he was grocery shopping. And then you went to. You happen to bump into him. He says HI and moves along the aisle. You are baffled but continue shopping. You seem him checking out. He waves.

 

That wouldn't bother you? You wouldn't care that he didn't have a basic conversation with you?

 

I would expect to have a basic conversation with someone I ran into. SOME acknowledgement.

 

If I saw my sister at the mall and I was with a friend I would talk for a few and move on.

 

If I was at the movies and saw another friend. I wouldn't avoid talking to them. I'd say hello.

 

If I was out to eat and saw a co worker. I'd say hello and shoot the ___.

 

POINT is you would talk for a few, anf move along. More than a 2 sec hi and bye.

 

Why is that so different from a guy I am dating?

[no_bad_news]

Another thing. The 'attnetion' I sought was simple.

 

The kind you'd give when you run into someone you care about like the post above. You give that person a few minutes. AND then you continue on with the person you made your plans with. YOU don't ignore someone you see out in the above scenario

 

I think it's a big deal to be ignored. Thanks for all the advice. EVEN wrong advice.

 

BAD advice confirms the good advice I got in this THREAD.

 

THE END

[JadedStar]

Another thing. The 'attnetion' I sought was simple.

 

The kind you'd give when you run into someone you care about like the post above. You give that person a few minutes. AND then you continue on with the person you made your plans with. YOU don't ignore someone you see out in the above scenario

 

I think it's a big deal to be ignored. Thanks for all the advice. EVEN wrong advice.

 

BAD advice confirms the good advice I got in this THREAD.

 

THE END

 

What part of my advice is vastly different than anyone else's here? You were not ignored, he walked over, hugged you and said hello. And please point out what part of my advice is "bad" advice opposed to your other responses. My advice is almost exactly the same.

 

Like I said, if you don't agree with it that is fine, but you are now saying you got a hi and a by, whereas prior you got a hug and he did talk to you. Now it was a quick hi and no talk and left.

 

Your assessment of what happened has changed.

 

If that were me, as I stated before, I'd see my hsuband there and he'd do what this guy did, walk over, speak to me, hug me, and then trot off with his friend. Then bye when he left. The only differnece is since we are married his hug and hello/goodbye would have had "honey" tagged onto the end of it. I would not expect a casual dating partner to use a term of endearment, but a hug and a hello sounds appropriate. I honestly want to know how a man can be out on the course playing golf with a friend and stop to come over and chit chat with his g/f thruout the day?

 

You are upset because I said maybe you are looking for more out of this then was warranted. I am very sorry that upsets you, but the context of what many others have said on this thread was exactly the same. I don't see any advice to you much different than what I have given you. And I don't agree that this was a dating diss. I assume posted this thread for various opinions.

 

Good luck.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you are looking at every one of his gestures and behaviors very closely because you made a decision that you now regret (to date him casually) and it is easier to be angry with him than to acknowledge your disappointment and act on it by ending this unless he wants to get more serious. I will add to what jadedstar said that my guess is that you wouldn't have noticed precisely how much attention was paid if you were secure about the status of the relationship - similarly, my guess is that jadedstar can't really recall exactly what her husband said and did the last time she ran into him when he was with a friend.

[JadedStar]

Really think about the conflicting things you are saying here with an open mind and try to avoid the defensive mode and ask yourself is this really about what he did or not do or really more about you want mroe than the "relationship" should warrant?

 

First contradiction was in the beginning of this thread he came over to you and said hello and hugged you, then went to his friend. Fine, that sounds appropriate. Same thing my husband would do in given situation. After reading my post where you became defensive (even tho the context was identical to most other posts here) you said you barely got a hi and by. So you really backpeddaled a bit.

 

Then you said this:

 

I think in my heart casual dating is not for me. It is too risky. And this afternoon I got a dose of his expectations. And he said by his actions I don't care about you.

 

And then again when you were responding to me, in defense mode, you said:

 

I can handle the lack of commitment.

 

So the problem here is that you either don't know what you want from him, or you truly do want a commitment and that is the main reason you were upset on the golf course, i.e. no commitment and no signs of more PDA and convo when you saw him while out.

 

I think the best thing is to decide what you want. If you can't take a casual dating scenario, then move on. That is not me being mean, that is me saying never settle for less than you feel you deserve, especially if you are sleeping with a man. It sounds like you have reached this epiphony, and honestly I am glad. I just wanted to respond to say that it is very easy to get angry at someone else when the real source of our anger is something we have done or allowed ourselves to expect.....

 

And before you say I am being harsh, because I am really not and couldn't be further from my intent, this is basically the same thing that Batya33 said to you above.

 

I really have no other purpose responding to any thread here other than to lend my thoughts and give opinions based on my life experiences with relationships. I don't pretend to think my views are always the right ones, but they can lend a different angle at times at how one looks at the situation. Sometimes not.