getting stuff off my chest, i hope no-one minds

[dino-prime]

Hi folks, dean here again. I'm having one of those hard days when i keep

thinking of my ex-gf. Sorry this is a long post, thanks for being there.

 

My ex and i broke up about 6 weeks ago. she said she needed time and space

to get her head together cuz she was confused about what she wanted.

I said ok to this, but she then told me that although she didn't want

anither relationship, she didn't know if she could remain faithful to

me during the break.

For her sake and mine, i broke it off after 3yrs and 4mths of being together.

im 26, shes 22.

 

This last year had been rocky, we were both frustrated at our home/family

lives and unable to get out to our own place.

My fault cuz i wanted to buy, she wanted to rent. i wasn't flexible.

 

in january she went clubbing with some friends and kissed 2 blokes on separate nites.

she told me and begged my forgiveness, lots of crying for both of us.

i forgave her cuz thats the type of person i am.

deep down my faith had taken a knock.

 

so the relationship has been treading water since jan.

 

i was giving but not recieiving i guess.

 

fast forward. we break up, i spend the next 4 days trying to get my head round it all,

lots of crying and emotion.

I let her go cuz i loved her.

 

thank god for mums.

 

2 weeks later, sporadic contact. shes been out practically every nite getting hammered

and snogging blokes im told.

that disheartened me cuz she was never like that. i hope that she wont get a name for herself.

 

anyway, she gets into an argument w/ her mum and leaves to stay w/ a workfriend.

 

she arranges herself a loan and sorts herself out a flat.

 

a week later b4 she moves i her mum tells her that she wants all her stuff gone from the family home.

she comes to me for help cuz we tried to stay friends.

i help her get sorted.

 

she moves in but doesnt sleep there, shes afraid of being alone at nite.

 

her and her mum, thru her stepsister, make up, so she sleeps at home on the sofa.

she uses the flat at weekends w/ friends to go out from.

stupid i know.

 

i found out she snogged a bloke the nite b4 we broke up.

he was married and a parent of one of the kids she looks after.

she said he kissed her. she just needed to talk about stuff.

i dont know what to believe.

 

i missed her so much thoe first 4 weeks, i sent her a couple

of letters expressing my feelings and how i had seen things.

in the end i gave up hope. she didnt even answer my txts even

tho she kept saying she wanted to be my friend.

she had a tarot reading done a bout 3 weeks b4 we split and

it had told her not to lose me from her life. he loves her and

is in love with her. he would always be there.

 

i dont know!!!

 

i gave her a wooden rose that would never die or wilt.

and told her that i loved her and i always will.

 

the rose is on her kitchen windowsill in her flat, in a vase

with that message on show.

 

i went away to london to see friends of mine one weekend.

and a friend who knew her b4 i had met her told me something

that made me realise some of the truth.

 

my ex has always tried to fit in with the crowd.

her crowd at the moment is her workmates and bestfriend.

in the last 6 month, 7 out of 10 of them have become single

again and started going out loads.

i mnever once stopped her from going out w/ her friends.

i guess i should have been firmer.

 

i was the type of person that showered another with love to keep them,

rather than being someone they wanted to keep.

 

im now learning to b the type that will walk away, be more self confident

but not in a jerk way, im a nice guy, im just trying not 2 b so nice, so that i get

something in return.

if you catch my drift.

 

so shes got her mates and has been doing what she wants.

 

i found the gym and lost 1/2 a stone already, i feel great bcuz of it.

but ive no friends here cuz they moved away and i plowed myself into my relatinship.

 

i dont wanna be sitting at home at the weekends, i wanna be out and about.

 

meeting new people, its very hard.

 

i saw her on saturday in town, she loked as if she had been burning the candle at both ends.

i felt sorry for her.

 

im getting on w/ my life and going up day by day.

 

i felt sorry for her cuz i know that all she is doing is going round in cirlces

at work in the week, getting pissed at the weekends.

 

i felt it was a wate of a life really.

 

sorry about the long post, i just wanted to get this off my chest.

 

if you've got any advice and tips on meeting ppl and making friends i would br grateful for it.

 

i can be reached by im if ppl wanna chat

 

 

thanks for hearing me out.

 

dean

[charmed]

Hi Dean !

 

Well, you've been through a lot this past while I read. Your ex, yes - sounds like the sort of thing that would happen on the british Isles - me being from Dublin. Work all week, go drinking at the weekend. Pathetic, but the easy way to live without actually living at all !!!! Drink......mmmmmmm.....

 

So you are moving on, and that is exactly what you should be doing - so thats great to hear. Are you living in a small place? I get the impression that you are. Making friends usually happens where you have comon interests. The gym isn't a bad place, but things can get quite macho in there so watch out for the beefcakes !!! Hobbies and interests - get involved in things that you are good at - and don't be afraid to do so. Do things you enjoy doing - be it working out in the gym, or Rock Climbing - something that involves going away for weekends to persue a sport or activity is a great way to make new friends !! What ever you do though, stay away from the pub ! Too many fakes hang there !!

 

Hope this helps you some,

[persephonesleeps]

Think about the kind of people you would be compatible with, and then go to where you think they would go...which are probably places you already go to!

When you are out walking and so forth, be aware of friendly faces...learn to say 'hello' to strangers...both male and female...a friend's a friend, right?

 

I practice talking to strangers all the time...at first it is awkward, but once you get used to it, you can have some interesting conversations.

 

If you notice that you keep running into the same people, that could be a really great sign!