i just wanna scream

[Gunther]

I hate this, the house is a mess and there isnt much to eat. every time I turn around seems like someone just wants to fight or do somthing to eratate me. I hate this crap, why doesn't my mom just do the freakin laundry? she always seems to find time to get HERS done. there isnt anything to eat unless you like ketchup, pancake syrup and, pickle relish... we have dishes up to our necks and a laundry pile twice as high. I know I could just do it, but then they would expect me to do it every time. I have a life to you know!? I live on these canned soups and tuna fish. somtimes I dont know how much longer I can live like this. my cousin is always trying to fight my battles for me at school even though I tell him I dont want him to. My friend was telling me I need to gain more wieght, I know that but there isnt anything to eat but I dont want to burden him with my problems. I dunno I talk to him about my probs somtimes but I dont want to come off as someone who bitches constantly. I guess I just dont like to admit weakness in myself. But it seems rediculus how some people can have it so good and I could end up with almost nothing but a small almost meaningless existence. if it wernt for this computer and about 4 other people you would never have known I was here. I just feel so bad about myself how i have done what other people do to me. my mom seems to take pleasure in getting in lenghtly arguments over trivial things. and my older brother seems to delight in bashing pots together so I cant hear what I am doing on my computer games. when it comes down to it my life really sucks. I just dont know what to do anymore, how can I get a better life for myself? is it even possible to make things better for myself? im not a slacker i do the work but sometimes its just to much for me to do, I cant get the smallest of luxuries. like hair gel is practicly out of the question, it seems so trivial. not to mention if I do anything that is even slightly out of charecter I seem to get ridiculed to no end for it by people who should know better than that.

[Mar]

Your choice, hon....you can either have a pity party and say how bad your life is, or you can endure it, help out as best you can, and, when you're able to, MOVE ON. Do the work. Granted, your mom might not be helping much. I'm sure she's got her own pressures to deal with, as I seem to remember you posting once before. You too have pressures, in schoolwork, and just growing UP. But you're not poverty-stricken. You said yourself you have a computer, and games to play on it. You have food, such as it is. Not to sound pious, but do you know how many people would give their EYETEETH to have what you do? LOTS.

 

I'm not trying to sound like a witch, just trying to put things into perspective for you. Yes, you're not rich by any means. But you also eat every day. You have clothes to put on every day. You have a home to come back to every day. You can take a shower. You can blowdry your hair. You can go to your computer and play those games. You're healthy. You can get an education.

 

See what I'm driving at, here? I'm not downplaying your misery, because I KNOW how bad it is when you have one parent who's struggling and doesnt' seem to care much. But you're an individual. If you want to see something done, DO it. Don't whine about how it's not done and expect someone else too, since they're most likely feeling the same things you are and don't particularly feel like it either. If you feel strongly about it, call a family meeting....try to hash out who does what, a common chipping in of some money, depending on who's working, a division of chores, etc. If they don't go for it, then do as much as what makes YOU comfortable, i.e. dishes so you can eat, laundry so you have something clean to wear. Obviously you're capable of doing these things, and they're truly not hard tasks.

 

When it comes time and you can move on, you can do so knowing you did what you could to make your life more bearable, and more comfortable. Your mom's doing the best she can, in her way. She may not be perfect, nor your brother, but they're no less perfect than you. You're the only one who decides where you're going to go in life...if you want to go farther than you presently are, then you have to work at it, same as everyone else. Harder, because you don't have the added advantages some do. And this'll sound like a line, but it ISN'T, not when you actually DO it: think about how proud you'll be when you make something more of yourself and realize you did it on your own, by your own hand and your own hard work. No one's going to hand that to you...if you want it, you have to get out there and GET it!

[Gunther]

first off some of these things you say are not true, I sometimes go through the dirty laundry to find a shirt that doesnt look to bad yet so I can wear it but that doesnt bother me what bothers me is when my friends see me and know that has happened. I'm not surprised by this reply I would expect something like this, I've herd it before. im to young to work yet, I live in the projects. I dont know what its called its something like planed housing or some crap so rent is 1\3 of what she makes. my mom has a part-time {20 hrs a week} job and has plentiful time in the morning and night to do anything she wants. She chooses to sit in her chair and watch t.v. you say I am lucky to have a computer, my most treasured item is my computer if it ever breaks I dont have a computer anymore, but that is off-topic I want advice not pity. Every time I attempt to talk to my mom we just end up having a fight. I endure well, I do better than most would in my possition i suspect, I wont stop existing if I dont get help immediately but I just dont like how things a going. School is a ***** yes, but im working on it. I dont know how to further this, outside of doing laundry myself which is true but I can already hear what would happen if I did every time I ask my mom to do laundy she will just say do it your-self I just want my mom to do somthing besides watching opra and all of her other "spiritual enlightment" shows come back to earth and cook something because I dont know how to cook anything outside mac+cheese and sandwhiches. which I do almost every day I came here to get advice on how to approach her on these matters, not how to complain about them. I basically get cerial in the morning and some sort of mixture from a can at night I dont usualy eat launch cause ma' wont cough up my allowence {sometimes I pack a lunch but I dont usualy have time in the morning} then power-aid inbetween. I can do all of the choirs in the house and more but I shouldnt have to, I should be able to expect a few things from others as im sure they should expect things from me. I do not think I am being unreasonable here, my mom gets paid enough to get food I know what she makes, she just doesnt. I just want to know what in the world im supposed to say to get her to do the things most people wouldnt even have to ask about. that is all I am not trying to gain pity as you say nor am I trying to just complain I just want to find a plan of action that is acceptable. Because I've run out of things to say to her. what would you do in my situation?

[Mar]

Well sweetie, you're in a tough position...I know you're not whining, and I SO don't blame you for complaining, I would be too.

 

But, truth be told, there's not a lot you can say to your mom outside of what you might have already said to her: that you don't appreciate her putting a large share of the burden on you as a child, that she should be taking more time for YOU, in spending TIME with you, not just doing chores for you, that she should just be THERE more. If you want more time with her, TELL her. I'm sure she wants it too, she's just too caught up in trying to pay the bills and make sure you're all fed. Tell her what's making you unhappy, and how you feel burdened, and how you feel the pressures that are either real or imagined. You're a CHILD, hon...as much as you might hate it, you are, and she's your mother. You have to pitch in and help her, same as your brother should be doing, but, if he's not, then you have to grow up a little faster and take on that extra bit of responsibility. You might not like it, but I can guarantee you your mother will appreciate the help later on.

 

I KNOW it's hard, and I feel so badly for you...but you're not as badly off as you could be, and THAT'S what you have to keep in mind. You think you have it bad? Think about a kid your age sleeping on the street. He doensn't have ANYTHING you do. Granted, it doesn't make you feel a whole lot better......but it MIGHT put things into perspective for you a little bit better.

[Gunther]

yup probly right, just wanted to vent. welp thx for listning.

[mike-e-mike]

No offence but my old lady stopped doing those things for me at the start of high school. It isn't too much to ask you to do your share, your clothes and your dishes etc. I know its tough to get into that cycle my family went through hell trying to get it right.

As for food and stuff would she give you some cash if you offered to go get some pasta and some sauce from a shop. Its the easiest meal I know and its cheap as, just boil strain and mix.

 

If you start making a few jestures like that and showing that you can do it, you'll have a leg to stand on when you want to complain. She's always going to say you dont do it why should i? Just like mine did to me until i did it and said why arent u? Good luck