Has anybody read the book "The Irritable Male Symdrome?"

[Cindersam]

Just wondering if anyone here has read this book and what you think about it. I just finished reaind it and it REALLY reminds me of my ex. In fact it reminds me of him so much that I am thinking about sending a copy to him - not to be insulting but to be helpful.

 

We had talked a few times (long before we broke up) about the possibility that he was going through andropause (male equivalency to menopause). He even had his testosterone checked and the doctor told him it was normal. We also talked a few times about him being depressed and I know he was relucatant to take antidepressants - partly because of the sexual side effects and partially because his mother commited suicide while she was on antidepressants.

 

When he broke up with me because he was "no longer in love with me" it completely took me by surprise. I knew he hadn't been happy for a while but I thought it was because of his job and his ex and her influence on his kids. Every time I asked him what was wrong he mentioned these things. He never indicated it was me so breaking up with me caught me off guard. He was under a tremendous amount of stress from these other things.

 

We broke up 8 months ago. After he broke up with me I thought his depression must have been because of me since he broke up with me. So that would stand to reason that if it were me he would be happier without me right? Well I saw him about 6 - 7 weeks ago (6 months after the break up) and he still seemed depressed to me. HE tried to fake it but I saw through it. Everything I asked him about was bad (his job, kids, etc.) He even made a statement that my life was going good and his wasn't. I know this was 6 -7 weeks ago but if he had been depressed for about 1 - 1/2 years prior to the break up and was still depressed 6 months after the break up chances are he is still depressed.

 

I read the book "The Irritable Male Syndrome" to try and make sense of it all and at least 85 - 90% of it is him. I found myself shaking my head through it thinking about him. It helped me in my healing a lot because I realized that his reasons for breaking up with me probably had very little to do with me and more to do with what he is going through in his life.

 

I know most people would think that sicne I am no longer his girlfriend that I should not care about him but I do. We were together for 6 years and even though it did not work out the way I had wanted it to she is still a very special person to me and I care about him. I so not like seeing him unhappy.

 

I am thinking about sending a copy of this book to him because I think it would help him to see that what he isoging through is perfectly normal for a man his age. I do not mean it as an insult although the title tends to make it seem like one.

 

A friend suggested that I just leave it in his mailbox annonymously but I'm pretty sure he would know it was from me. Plus the title of the book might make him think I was calling him an "irritable male" which is not my intention.

 

I was just thinking about includeing a very short note saying something to the effect of: "A friend told me about this book and I thought you might like to read it. I hope all is well with you. Take care,..." Any ideas on this? I feel it lets hims know that mean it is a good way because I care but without saying anything really personal or anything about "us". ANy thoughts?

[Slagar]

HMmMMm, that's kind of a tough call. Even with a short note that means well, it could be very easily mistaken for something spiteful.

 

What kind of a relationship do you have now? Do you still see him or talk to him much/at all?

 

If your relationship is good enough, then I'd suggest giving it to him in person as that way he can see your genuine sincerity. Otherwise, I don't know if it's a particularly good idea.

It depends on the kind of person he is also, I suppose; some people are more likely to get offended by this than others.

 

Even if I was on relatively good terms with an ex, and I received something like you're suggesting above in the mail, it's pretty unlikely I'd have a huge desire to read it. People generally have a hard time accepting information like this from someone else - self discovered is OK, but from someone else, people usually get stubborn and put their defenses up.

 

That's my take anyway.