My boyfriend and porn, how should i feel?

[SacredSin]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years. We ment online and i came up to rhode island from texas to be with him. My Choice, when we met, I knew he liked porn alot. I told him I liked porn too, thinking i did. I finally came up to rhode island *traveled 2,500 miles to be with him, and away from my family*

And since i've been here all he does and all that is on his mind is porn.. he spends hours at a time looking and aweing "she looks great in that, she is hot..." for every compliment he gives me, he gives the internet women 30...

I am a very insecure person... I was molested as a child, and was always put down about my physical appeareance and his obbesion with porn doesn't help.

Him and I have talked about it.. He says.. IT"S MY HOBBY.. you can't take a hobby away from me.. Yet I LOVE TO SEE local bands, and he keeps me from going *not once have i gone since I've been here, because of his fear that someone will try to pick me up* So i can't have a hobby but he can?

I might be imagining this.. but it seems that he only wants sex after 4hrs of webporn.. and when we DO have sex.. he pops in a movie.

I ask him if he has an impotency problem.. and he says no.

I feel very unattractive and undesirable, because of the fact that he can pay so much attention (it's like a first thing in the morning, and last thing at night type thing) to all these other women, and he hardly ever gives me a second look! It is hurtful.. cause I feel that I am not enough..

i feel very ugly that he would rather spend hours looking at other women, that doing something with me..

He says he loves porn.. am I second place to all these other women?

Is there something I can do to control my jealousies???

thank you so much for your input!

SacredSin

[Momof3]

Forget about your jealousy and forget about him! He sounds like a world class jerk. If he puts pornography ahead of you, you don't need him. How can you enjoy an intimate relationship with a man who watches porn while you are making love? You are better than that. You deserve more.

 

Go see the local bands and enjoy yourself when somebody hits on you! Maybe even give them your number

[Donny JeffcoaT]

Hi, as a 21 year old male i figure i could maybe give you some advice on the matter. It sounds to me like he really cares about you and im sure he thinks your beautiful because he wouldnt be with you if he didn't. I don't really think its fair to you that he doesnt let you go to local shows in fear of you meeting someone else. Why doesn't he go with you? Wheres the trust?. I know there is nothing wrong with watching porn. i know sometimes in relationships after time the sex life does drop in how much you do it. Have you ever asked him what he likes about the porn and if you guys could try it together. It does sound like he watches a little more porn than the average guy but to each there own. I've never given advice on here but i hope i helped but don't worry just remember that sex is actually a really small and not that important part of a relationship don't get me wrong its great and all but what matters most is that you both care and love each other and when your old together when you have no sex drive at all left you will still love every second of being with this person.

[jennykitty]

i am normally very supportive of porn, but in this case honey you should tell him he needs help. If the porn is keeping him from doing things he should then it is a problem. i am sure your a very beautiful young woman and i am sure he loves you. I understand how you can feel the way you do with your pass but, you should never feel insecure because of the girls in the internet porn; considering that a lot of them are airbrushed or spend who knows how long in a make up chair or in a gym. that is their job to be beauty and sexy, they are people too without that make up and bofut hair they are average just like the rest of us. I think porn is a wonderful thing myself; i mean my boyfriend and i are very much into it. I think your boyfriend has a problem, like i said, it sounds like he is spending so much time looking at it that it cuts into his life, that it is his life. it is nice to have a hobby but obbessions are different. like any good thing, to much is bad and it can become a problem, which it sounds like it has. i mean i scrapbook as a hobby but it isn't hurting someone i love.you should tell him how you feel and maybe if that doesn't work then maybe you should leave. You shouldn't put yourself through something like that and if he wants to keep hurting you then you need to take care of yourself.

[Gunther]

excuse me but lemme just give you the bottom line If you have a problem with him looking at porn then you BOTH have a problem this guy is a jerk send him the ultamatum "either loose the porn or loose me!" if he doesnt respond to that he is more of a jerk than I thought so just leave him to his porn. But he may be addicted and may also require counsiling. hope this helps.

[Lost2]

if you tell him how it makes you feel bad about yourself and he doesn't want to stop this guy has a serious problem, and you shouldn't have to pay for it. just leave him and wait for someone who will love you enough to make everything to make you feel ok and worthy, you deserve it.

[Cid]

They are right. I am 21 male and porn is ok thing there is nothing wrong about I look at it, not that much. He should trust you, and he should give up the porn for you. A hobby is one thing but when it is controling your live there is something wrong. I think he has feelings for you but he is addicted to that stuff. If the porn is more inportent then you, I think that you should leave him. Well I hope that this helps.

[SacredSin]

Thank you to all of you for your honest response... I really do feel alot better knowing that there are so many individuals that care so much. He and I have talked about it, and while improvement in both of us is much needed.. *and i know the fights will probably still remain* we have to take this step by step... I just want him to understand that I need to feel more appreciated than The women of porn.. If I knew that he was as attracted to me as he is to them.. then the problem would take care of itself.. with him spending less time on the web to be with me, and at the same time my insecurities would be settled..

I do love him.. and I do hope that we can both work through this together.

THANK YOU

*~SacredSin*~

[MaidenHeaven]

SacredSin,

I feel like we are one and the same, my boyfriend and I of 2 years are still confronted with the same old arguments. Our situation is similar, he accuses me of flirting with men (Ones, I work with, or meet when I'm out on my own) and admits to being upset about the concept of me even thinking of another man. So, why is it okay to bring for himself to orgasm, while looking at sexually explicit pictures of women. I don't understand the double standard.

He makes me feel like I'm crazy for not understanding. I would love the opinion of any men out there too.

 

What if any compromises did you and your partner make?

My partner and I have a 6 year age difference, do you guys have the same situation.

 

I hope you are doing well, and things are working out.

Look forward to hearing from you.

MaidenHeaven