It is getting so close.

[ap44]

So if anyone read my other post, I was having some girlfriend problems cause she was getting really close with this guy from work (Apparently, has become her best friend or whatever...a good guy to talk to is what she said)

 

It has been bothering me ever since (she has already left me for this guy but realized that they can't be more than friends and she said that she wanted to come back cause she feels that she is in love with me and couldn't stop thinking abuot me and that she couldn't be happy unless she was with me. So I believed her and carefully got back together with her...that was over a month ago). Last night, I went through her phone. I know how wrong that is, and it makes me feel terrible. Out of our 1 year long relationship this is only the second time I have ever done it but still, it's so bad to do that. I find text messages like "

 

She was sleeping and I woke her up and just instantly said "You don't love me" over and over again. She then freaked out saying what the hell was I talking about and I told her what I found. She lost it on me cause I went through her phone. I felt really bad but very disappointed in her. I trusted her, like she already broke my trust and my heart. It took this entire month for me to begin getting it back and now this. So I am stuck in a really bad situation where I have half the planet (my friends/family/here) is telling me that I am getting played. I don't want to believe it but I am beginning to.

 

It sucks cause I have always been here for her, done whatever she wants, shelled out cash even when I really needed, gave up things like my money and gas. This past week, I have been contantly fighting with her about this, and begging her (like I was honestly begging) for the truth. Thats what I need. She still tells me that she loves me and wants this relationship and that she only sees him as a friend.

 

So we finally got to the point that she feels what she said was really inappropriate and that she wasn't going to talk to him like that ever again. I am having a hard time believing her but what other choice do I have? I dont' know why I stay with her, something keeps me here but right now(most likely cause I am really in love with her no matter how badly she hurts me) , leaving seems like the only choice. She refuses to give him up as a friend and still wants to hang out with him but I just hate how, this girl, that I would do anything for and I love so much, could be trying to pull something behind my back.

 

I am just so confused, I feel like there is a mixed message. I want the truth and I am not sure what is the truth. Should I believe her, even after so desperately asking her for the truth about where her feelings are (with me or him) or should I just keep on thinking that this is a huge lie. She has never lied to me before, ever. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with her, it hurts so much and I don't think I am ready to that but she just isn't realizing that what she is doing with this guy is totally wrong and bothers the hell out of me. It's so hard to think about leaving someone, when they still are like "I love you and only you" and tells me how much she wants me and is being sincere. Like I said, it's confusing.

[schueysgirl]

If shes broken your trust twice (left you for him and came back, and now having these messages to him) then you are going to find it very hard to really believe in her again.

 

I think you need to break up with her and be strong on your own. I know its a cliche but you are only young and this will hurt incredibly but at your age you can just take this as a learning experience, you know very well you should not be treated like this and it doesnt look like she is capable of changing...i mean if she left you for him and then decided to come back to you why is she sending him text messages like that and calling him babe?!

 

She obviously thinks you wont leave her...but you deserve better, she was lucky you took her back the first time, and she still hurts you again? I know i dont know her but it sounds like she will never really change if shes prepared to do this again to you...and if she was hiding it on her phone what else has she been hiding?

 

Can you really ever trust her again? I think you know the answer to this one...and yes it will be hard to finish with her but you can do this, and deserve better....she needs to learn the consequences of messing around with someones feelings...sounds like your a really nice man and put a lot into the relationship...she just doesnt realise this...

[thelonelydoll]

On the flip side, if any guy ever goes through my phone again, there will be some broken hands! Trust is a two-way street.

[ap44]

^ I know and like I said it was wrong but I had to find out, no one else would tell me. It sucks when she has her set of friends and I have mine.

[thelonelydoll]

I highly recommend learning how to communicate better, and directly with her. Not through either set of friends, nor through snooping.

[ap44]

oh it's not like that. I am always the one that wants to talk. Its her that doesn't communicate. I have asker her numerous times just to be open with me and half the time I want to talk, she just sits with a blank face saying "I don't know what to say". I have no problems communicating at all. I am a very open person willing to talk at any time but right now I feel really insecure with this whole "I want to hang out with this exboyfriend turned best friend guy that I text inappropriate messages to"

[DN]

There is no question that snooping is wrong - however, when there is strong suspicion that someone who has already broken trust is breaking it again then snooping is more about protecting yourself than being morally wrong. Since communicating with a liar won't resolve anything then little choice remains. This is why private detective agencies have more clients checking up on errant spouses than any other sort of work.

 

In this case, your girlfriend only seems to be contrite when caught out and that makes it impossible to trust her. Usually people like that don't reform - they just get better at covering their tracks.

 

In this particular case it is made much worse by the fact that she refuses to stop seeing this guy - and in my opinion that is why I agree that you would do much better to leave her than trust her. She has little or no regard for your justifiable feelings over this guy and that is not the way to behave if she wants to convince you that she wants to work on a relationship and reassure you that she loves you.

[ap44]

I just wish there was more. Like more of a reason to break up. Other than this, there is nothing. Its just hard after so long of dating, to just give it all up. I guess this is a really good reason but it's to break up with someone who still says I love you and I want you and means it. If a girl was telling you that straight in the eye, it would be hard to break up with her, wouldn't it. I know that's what I might have to do, I just don't know how I will be able to do it.