Having a nervous breakdown, don't know why.

[faeriechyld]

Hello everyone,

I need help. This morning I had a severe breakdown and spent about 20 minutes on the floor of my kitchen in sobs and convulsions. I don't know what happened, I can't even explain what caused it, but I will try to give some insight in to things I've been feeling lately.

 

As I have posted before, I lost my mother about 9 months ago to cancer. Her birthday is November 4th, and while that is a ways away, this time last year is when things began getting really bad for her. I'm not sure if it's the memories that may have gotten to me, the guilt I feel for not being there in her time of need, or perhaps just a part of the grieving process that I am going through.

 

I know it is normal to feel down and out after losing someone, especially someone so close to me as my mother. However, what happened this morning, I do not view as normal. I haven't felt that out of control in a long time. If anyone has a similar situation, medical advice or just plain ol' comfort, I'm all ears. Thank you.

[avman]

When I lost my father to cancer it took over a year before I didn't have breakdowns. I thought of him every day during that time and kept going over and over how much I missed him and that I wished he were there to talk to. He was my hero.

 

Now 3 years later, I don't think of him every day. And I don't break down anymore. But I still miss him. And I can talk about missing him without falling apart. I can laugh at all the good times we had. And I talk to him sometimes and I swear he can hear me. I have come to peace with his passing and am able to share his life with my children. One of whom never had the chance to even meet him.

 

You may not think what you experienced is normal, but it is. Emotions must be released when they build up. Your body is just adjusting itself so that no damage is done. It is perfectly ok to have this happen from time to time. And sharing this experience with us will also help you with your healing.

 

PM me if you need to talk more and perhaps I can help. Call your friends who are close to you and have a cry with them. In the end, you will feel better. Hang in there.

[funkygirl758]

I understand. I've done that. The emotional realm for some reason is not my cup of tea. I don't remember what it was about, something less serious than yours, but nonetheless. I'm pretty sure it's normal. I think if it happened continually for a period of time one might seek some help. Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss. My biggest loss was a long time ago, and I still don't think I'm over it. It is the loss of my grandpa.

[Castiron]

Morning Faeriechyld, The only type of medical advise i can tell you is if it happens again or things get worse, i would hope that you try to get some help to try to see what could be causing all of this. As for comfort, As i have been there for the past 3 years, I am here for you. You need anything, you know how to get in touch with me. Or some other people on this great forum could offer some more advise and comfort. I just hope things will get alot better for you as the day and the rest of the week progresses. Hope to hear how you feel later on. *hugs*

[faeriechyld]

Thank you avman and funkygirl758 for your comforting words. I guess you both have a point that it is ok to have these breakdowns, it just surprised me because it is a rare occurrence. I had to train myself to talk about my mother without breaking down because I work at the law firm she did and it is inevitable to be approached by those who worked with her or were friends with her. Sometimes I think I keep too much bottled inside because I don't want to bring my friends down with me. I realize that may not be healthy, and you are right, avman, that I should call them more often when I need them. That's what they are there for, right?

I guess I just wish I could program my body to only break down when things aren't so hectic. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Maybe some of the stress I have been experiencing lately aided this. But I am glad I came to the forum about it. It really does help to find some sort of release.