Need some "fatherly" advice

[Paradigm1607307567]

Anyone that wants to take the time to sort through any of this crap, thanks!

 

So I'm over at my mom's house just visiting (ok I admit, eating some of the dinner she made too) and I hop on the computer. Out of the corner of my eye I see my sister run in crying. My dad chases her in, and starts yelling at her. Not just yelling, but screaming, and hitting furniture and the wall. Yelled at my mom too. It got so bad that I actually almost got up to intervene. My dad is a very big, muscular guy, and my sister is 16. What he yelled at her for was asinine. Any more, and it could have turned ugly. I thought he was going to try to hurt her. I love my father to death, and would do anything for him, but something is very, very wrong with him.

 

I'm not very close to him. Growing up, he worked 80 and 90 hour weeks, and we never did anything together. He yelled at me some, punished me in ways some would consider "bad". Used a belt.. paint stick, etc. I've never held resentment though. I had a good childhood, at worst, have a workaholic father. Then in late middle school, he started yelling at my mom. He would scream and tell her to leave the house sometimes, and I would pretend to be asleep. I think he had an affair, but never asked and never will. They got divorced. My mom raised us the rest of the time, but my father still came to see us as much as possible, and gave my mom most of his paychecks. They got along alot better. Everything was as fine as it could be, until the last 2 years or so.

 

My father is a very moral man. Never had sex outside of marriage. Never touched smokes or booze. No porn. Very protective of family. Very proud. He is extremely intelligent, but very simple. Never spent a day in college. Always worked with his hands and made mediocre money.

 

He ran his own construction company for several years, and this is when I noticed the change. He became bitter. Stopped coming to see me at my house. I discovered a bottle of liquor in his freezer. A huge shock, because we both watched my grandpa die a horrible death of liver cirrhosis. He hated alcohol. He started yelling at my sister alot. She isn't.. "bad". She just likes to stay out late and hang out with boys. The worst incident was a year and a half ago. She stayed out past curfew on a date (not that bad, in my opinion). The boy dropped her off at home, and my dad and him got into it. He punched things.. broke the window on his truck. I had to get in between him and this punk. He threw her cell phone at the wall and broke it. There was alot of property damage. Yelled at my mom. My little brother and sister were afraid and crying. I spent the night.

 

I am very close to my mom. She raised me. She's never done a single wrong thing in her life, goes to church every Wednesday and Sunday night. Cooks from scratch. Never hated by anyone... The typical old fashioned mom. It made me angry to see her yelled at and afraid. He punched the table right in front of her face.

 

He is a shadow of the man he used to be. He hurt his back at work so he is on long term disability. He lives in a little 5th wheel trailer and does nothing all day. He doesn't eat anything. This has been going on for about 6 months. He is always grouchy. I've never been able to comfortably talk to him that much, so that makes it worse.

 

I am the oldest and only adult sibling, and a man, so I feel it is my obligation to do something. Anything. Father's day is coming up. I used to just buy him something, but what do I do now? I want to do something more, but have nowhere to start. He is very fond of me, but we never talk, so it is weird. I've tried to talk, but the words never come. I don't care so much about what to do for Father's day... but what do you make of his behavior? He would NEVER see a therapist or admit any form of weakness. I want to see this downward spiral end before he turns any worse. Like alcoholic or extremely violent. It's been close sometimes.

[Locke2121]

Change the frickin' locks! And the next time he shows up call the police. I don't care if he is your father or the Pope, no one can treat you or your family that way.

 

I'm sure he knows the kind of path he is on...its up to him to get off.

[SilverManic]

He does need help he has an alchol problem, I've seen alchol change really kind and caring people into monsters. I'm not sure on how you would get him the help but he does need it!