Workplace Friend in need but won't take advise

[Altoona]

Hi Friends,

 

Ok, I have a friend whom I work with and report to, who was in an abusive marriage for 3 yrs. She recently divorced and it became final a few weeks back. Since the final decree and up until recently she has still maintained a sexual relationship with him, allowed him to stay over during the week, so that HE can save on gas money to and from his workplace.

 

Problem is, its becoming an old story lately. I have been feeling stressed dealing with her issues, since she won't take any advise from me, won't maintain NC, won't tell him to stop calling, etc etc etc

 

Lately, I have been feeling uncomfortable being the scape boat. She has me to answer her calls and lie to her ex hub at least 10 times a day saying that she's away from her desk or in meetings,(then she disappears and calls him back) calls me during the night and early hours of the morning (drunk) complaining she can't get ahold of him etc. As a friend I've done everything i can to help her - gone over weekends to box up stuff, kept her company during the weekends.... I don't know what else to do and since I report to her I'm stuck between a hard rock and stone.

 

I am a very caring person, in nature, and love to reach out to those in need but I feel physically and mentally drained. No matter what I tell her - "move on your divorced", "what else do you need to discover to cut the ties", she still carries on. Tonight she sent me a picture that she had sent of her ex and a woman to see if I could enhance it, to determine who she is. I've asked her what more would it take for her to let go. She's admitted that she miss's the intimacy and she can't do without it. I have my own view and that being, its a small price to pay for happiness.

 

I have another friend who is studying physcology who tells me to be firm, which I have lately, but I always feel that I'm back to stage 1 each week with the same s**T different day!

 

Any advise appreciated. Thanks..

[annie24]

tell her you've had it. tell her exactly what you've told us. that you are sick of being her shoulder to cry on, and then she goes right back and messes around with him. tell her that you're going to stop being the "intermediate" person here, and that clearly, she doesn't listen to your advice so you won't give it anymore. keep the relationship professional and don't cover for her anymore.

[Altoona]

I hope I'm wrong but i think since we both report to the Vice President, she uses this as a tool to take advantage of the situation. I don't know.

 

I went thru a divorce last year myself and had children. She never came around, and I didn't ask because I knew I had to handle this myself. Once I had my answer it was "hit the highway mate, your gone" I just can't figure out how people can go back to the samo samo time and time again.

[annie24]

I hope I'm wrong but i think since we both report to the Vice President, she uses this as a tool to take advantage of the situation. I don't know.

 

i don't understand what you are getting at. what difference does it make that you two have the same boss? don't accept her drunken calls anymore and don't cover for her.

[Boughs]

say you won't respond to her regarding the relationship or her until she has ended ties with this guy.

[Lady Bugg]

Altoona, while your intentions are in the right place.....it seems as though you are a bit to blame for accepting this role ...please don't take this the wrong way...I have been in your shoes.In fact I wrote a thread about someone I was interested in who kept going back to a girl that kept dumping him.I simply said.........if you go back I don't want to hear anything about it.

You make your bed..you lie in it.

 

This woman (your friend) is clearly an emotional vampire.Sucking the life

out of everyone around her. My suggestion?? Tell her you've had enough..then stop hanging out with her, doing her favors....and STOP

answering her phone calls for her. You have become a bit of an accessory to her drama at this point.

 

Truthfully..it sounds like your friend is extremely obsessed with this man..and her life revolves around him. It is sad...this is not your issue..or your problem to help with. It doesn't sound like she is even remotely ready to move on....

and she will likely continue to drag you down in the process.

 

You've done all you can do as a friend...don't feel bad that you feel this way.Anyone would.....hope it works out for you.

[Altoona]

Thanks Lady Bugg,

 

Yes, I know I'm at fault being an accessory. I just need to be more assertive I know. I just hate peoples feelings being hurt but your correct she is poison to her ownself. She's a wonderful fun loving person, is very knowledgeable with her work and is very attractive, she could have any man she wanted and more. It's just a shame that she's stuck in this quick sand and cannot move. She's my supervisor but we both report to the President of the company. She's often been heard to say "people won't step on my toes since they know who i report to"..

 

It's sad but I now have to screen my calls at home.

[Lady Bugg]

Well froma management standpoint......that sounds a little like emotional black mail to me. She should NOT be making those comments to you..especially after having you answer her personal phone calls on company time.BIG NO NO.

I would hate to see your professional life tainted over this womans drama.

[SuperDave71]

This is an easy one...

 

When her ex calls....tell him she is right here. Tell her to be an adult and you will not tolerate this behavior any longer.

 

If she gets angry.....so be it...true friends would never do this to one another.

 

 

HOLD YOUR GROUND AND DO NOT BE AN ENABLER!!!

 

-SuperDave71

[Altoona]

Will do boss.. Yep, good friends would not act this way I know.

 

Thanks to you all for your feedback...