Should I win him back or should I let him go?

[babybees]

This is the background of my story..

 

When I was in a casual dating with this jerk, I met this wonderful guy who loved me instantly. I hadn't loved him yet because my feeling was still with the jerk. Everyone told me to dump him. I did but it was too late. My wonderful guy moved on because he didn't want to be my second best.

 

So long story short, he met this girl and they are bf/gf now. His gf broke up with her ex-bf of a 5 year relationship just to be with him.

 

Me and this guy are still friends. Couple days ago he told me that he likes his gf alot but he still has feeling for me. When they are intimate, he's fantazising that she was me. So he is confused with his feeling/decision.

And at the same time, my feeling to him grows. I feel that i love him too.

But i can't tell him that because he made me promise not to tell him if he has someone in his life (which happens right now).

I want him back. I love him so much that it hurts my heart so bad.

But he decided that he wanted to try with his gf and we become just friends.

 

Should I really let him go as his request?

For some reason, I really want to win him back. We both love each other but just because his gf picked him over her ex, he decided to let me go.

 

I don't want to be the other woman and I don't want to ruin our friendship but at the same time I can't let him go. I don't know if I have to wait for him. I don't know what to do. I'm confused.

 

You know the quote: "if you love someone, you let the person go. if it comes back, it's yours otherwise it's never yours."

If i think about it, he let me go, i come back but he decided not to take it.

But now it's my turn to let him go? ](*,)

 

Give me some advice pleaseee...

[JadedStar]

I think because he is now unavailable is why you want him back so badly. If he was so right for you and if it were real chemistry, I think you would have felt it beforehand.

 

I dunno, I think it best to let him go. I think this is a case of wanting smoething that is forbidden, as in now he is more forbidden having a g/f. You said "For some reason, I really want to win him back"...you don't even seem to know the real reason yourself, but I bet it is because he is now taken.

 

I would let it go and if he finds himself single THEN pursue him. If he really is thinking of you when with her and has feelings for you this wno't last anyway. Let him come to these decisions on his own.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think because he is now unavailable is why you want him back so badly. If he was so right for you and if it were real chemistry, I think you would have felt it beforehand.

 

I dunno, I think it best to let him go. I think this is a case of wanting smoething that is forbidden, as in now he is more forbidden having a g/f. You said "For some reason, I really want to win him back"...you don't even seem to know the real reason yourself, but I bet it is because he is now taken.

 

I would let it go and if he finds himself single THEN pursue him. If he really is thinking of you when with her and has feelings for you this wno't last anyway. Let him come to these decisions on his own.

 

I agree. He needs to figure this out himself. He is with someone else and it would not be right for you to tell him you want him while he is with someone else. He is currently living a lie...seeing one woman while thinking of another woman. He needs to stop living the lie and start being true to his feelings.

[Zackinlaw]

I agree 100%. Perhaps he is looking for a commitment from you before he takes the step of leaving his g/f, but it just isn't decent for someone to pursue a new relationship until he is out of the one he is in ... that's cheating even if there is no sex invoved. And, by your post, I'm sure that you feel the same way about that. I'd hold back as you are doing ... if he really has these feelings for you, he will come back to you as a free man, and you both will feel better about it.

 

Zack.

[JadedStar]

I also think it very easy to romanticize a situation like this. Please note that it may seem romantic and like unrequited love but in the long run it probably wouldn't play out at all like a Harlequin Romance.

 

Honestly look at it as such that he is not the most honest man because if he was he would not be lying in bed with another woman while dreaming of another. And if he were a GOOD boyfriend he NEVER would tell the woman he was dreaming of that while tied to someone else. He knows that was wrong.

[babybees]

I actually already have a feeling for him at the beginning when i met him. But my feeling was still divided between 2 men. I have the reason why I love him. it's not that I don't know. But maybe because he moved on too fast that made me want him back so bad. And plus that I know I have so many things he likes in me compared to his gf. *sigh*,,

[JadedStar]

I actually already have a feeling for him at the beginning when i met him. But my feeling was still divided between 2 men. I have the reason why I love him. it's not that I don't know. But maybe because he moved on too fast that made me want him back so bad. And plus that I know I have so many things he likes in me compared to his gf. *sigh*,,

 

Doesn't matter, you should let him come to his own decisions and break up with that girl of his own volition.

[babybees]

Honestly look at it as such that he is not the most honest man because if he was he would not be lying in bed with another woman while dreaming of another. And if he were a GOOD boyfriend he NEVER would tell the woman he was dreaming of that while tied to someone else. He knows that was wrong.

 

Yes i think he knew he was wrong which made him decide for us just to be friends now.

But again, in my opinion he moved on too fast by having a commited relationship right away. And he did that to forget about me, i bet.

 

How can I be his friend when I have a feeling for him? It kills me everytime I see him. But at the same time,, I don't want if he stops talking with me.

What should I do? I guess trying to date someone new, right?

[Zackinlaw]

Exactly, Jaded. Babybees ... if you don't let him take action on his own, you will never know whether he is with you because his relationship failed, or if he's the kind of guy who can be easily pulled out of relationship by another woman he is attracted to.

[Atticus90]

if hes cheating on his girlfriend. what makes you think he wont cheat on you?

[renaissancewoman101]

Why do you guys always assume that he is going to cheat on her if he ends up going to her. I feel for her since she is stuck in a situation where she wants this guy who she once dated and let go, and he went and found someone else and now expresses to her that he still has feelings for her and wants her.

 

If you want to see what he chooses, pull away from him, do NOT agree to be his friend, and let him deal with life without you in it. That will light the proverbial fire under his butt to really decide if he wants you or his gf in it, and will not put you in the light of being the lady that "steals him away from his gf".

[babybees]

if hes cheating on his girlfriend. what makes you think he wont cheat on you?

 

He never cheated before.

In my opinion, if someone has so much love between each other in a relationship, they won't cheat.

And it's not always "once a cheater, it's always a cheater". It really depends on everybody's mind. How they control their mind.

[Zackinlaw]

I agree with renassance ... pull back and see where it goes. I also agree that it's a tough situation.

 

Why do you guys always assume that he is going to cheat on her if he ends up going to her.

I don't assume that at all, but there are sometimes just right and wrong ways to do things. The simple fact is that if he pursues babybees while he is still in a relationship, it IS cheating on his current g/f. Maybe under these circumstances "once a cheater, always a cheater" doesn't apply, but what it DOES say about him at least is that he thinks it's OK to delay breaking up until you have something better lined up.

 

If Babybee and he wind up together, great!!! But it should happen when he is truly single!

 

Zack.

[Hope75]

I'm a firm believer in actions over words... they show a person's true intentions. And right now his actions (being with his gf) show that is where he wants to be.

 

RW is right- back off this friendship and let him make up his own mind. Your place is not to try and break off their relationship because suddenly you realize you missed out on a golden opportunity that is no longer available to you.

 

He's made his choice for now. Time for you to focus on other things until and unless he comes to you and tells you he's left her and wants to be with you.

[babybees]

Thanks guys for all the advice and opinions.

I think you're right about not being his friends. I told him that I need a break to be his friend and so no contact till I meet my future bf. So that means I will clear all my feeling before I can see him again.

 

If he really does like me, then time will tell

So nobody will hurt. No drama.

 

-babybees

[babybees]

Just realized how hard not able being his friend. This feels like the NC thing those couple do,...

 

Now that he decided to be with his gf right, I decided to give up my feeling about him so we can be friends again. do you guys think it's a good idea?

 

What's the consequences?

I always think everything is in your mind. how you control it. hmm..any ideas?

[renaissancewoman101]

Can you handle seeing him be lovey-dovey with another girl, knowing that you still have feelings for him? It's not easy. I know that for a fact because I've been in your shoes because I wanted to keep a friendship with a guy that I had strong feelings for. It was a rocky road and caused me a lot of pain, but ultimately we are friends. It's not easy and is NOT for the faint of heart.

[babybees]

Yes i've thought about that before. I actually told him about that situation as well. And so he would divide his time with his gf and his friends..meaning when he hangs out with me, his gf won't come along. kinda odd huh?

I wonder if his gf would get jealous of me,,but he had told her that he would not stop hanging out with me no matter what.

(We talked about this thing before I decided not want to be his friend)

 

aaah I'm so confused! should I give it a try you think RW?

[renaissancewoman101]

If he really means a lot to you and you think you can handle it without the situation taking a BIG toll on your emotions, then go for it. We only have one life to live. Sometimes it pays to take chances.

[babybees]

Hi guys it's me again...after a few weeks...this what happened to my situation..

 

I finally decided to be his friends and it actually helped me to get over him faster. I could accept the fact that he was not available.

 

But the funny thing happens now...they broke up and that means he's available. That means the golden opportunity i was once lost is back to my hand again. He still wants to be with me. On the other hand, I have moved on with my emotion and feeling, even though I am still single. I am not sure if I still want him now.

 

I wonder why I am like this now? I somehow feel I still want him back but on the other part of myself telling me that I could get better.

Is it really a human nature, when you have the option to take a good opportunity, you tend to be very picky until you actually lose that option, then you start regretting it.

So I guess that what happened to me before. But now when the opportunity is in front of your eyes again, you start again from being picky.. or maybe this is just me.. being stupid??

 

-babybees

[Altruist]

You found him desirable because he was with someone. You liked the challenge of trying to wrestle him away. Now that you have him you no longer find him a challenge. That's why the attraction has faded. This is the reason why people were warning you in the previous posts to stay away from him and allow him to continue his relationship with his girlfriend. How can you dump him now that he has left his girlfriend for you?

You don't want him and you also don't want other girls to have him.