Is she taking advantage of me?

[DoctorWu]

I'm having some difficulties with a female friend (I'm a guy) and I could think of no other place to get advice than this forum. So here goes...

 

I have this girl friend that I kinda still have feelings for and after telling her about them, we agreed that a relationship wouldn't work between us and it would be better to keep things as they are. I'm getting over my feelings for her (read: slowly) and we still talk on an almost daily basis but at times, I get this bad feeling about things. Basically, it seems like she either takes our friendship for granite or she is taking advantage of my feelings for her. It seems (at least to me) that whenever I call or want to hang out with her she isn't as available as she use to be in the beginning (missed phone calls, unavailable, was on the other line but didn't click over, etc). However, whenever she calls me or wants to hang out, I almost always make time for her no matter what. Am I just being paranoid or is there something more here that I'm missing? DW

[reinvented21]

Its hard to say....

I think deep down inside you dont like how youre being treated. I dont want to speculate on whether she is taking advantage of you or not. When you two go out, do you always pay for the movies, dinner, etc. Do you buy her things from the mall. In other words, is she acting like a gold digger? Remember if it talks like a gold digger, acts like a gold digger, then it probably is a gold digger. Now on the other hand, if she isnt after youre wallets, then you may not be being taken advantage of. Then again, she may just be busy everytime you call. Try youre best(even though, it may seem tough) not to make assumptions. You know what happens when you make assumptions right? Dont assume the worst. Dont assume that when you call and she doesnt click over, or pick up the phone that she doesnt like you.(as a friend or whatever). However, I would step back and analyze my actions if I were you. If you feel like the balance of power is unequal I suggest that you regain "some" control over the situation. I suggest that you stop calling her so often. People(friends or intimate lovers) dont like "neediness". I would also suggest that you stop making youself so readily available. When she calls tell her you have other plans for that day. This may naturally peak her curiosity in you. You may be too readily availible to her and she may like a little challenge. So again, I repeat, dont make yourself so readily available. Are you being paranoid? Maybe, then again maybe not. Usually youre gut instinct doesnt lie. So if something feels wrong, then it probably is. One more thing, youre emotions may be out of whack about this "friendship" because you like her more than friends and she doesnt feel the same. Take a step back, feel youre feelings, be more of a challenge, work on a healthy friendship with this girl(if you cant(because you like her so much) or if you dont feel like she is treating you like a friend then maybe you should end the "friendship).

 

Good luck and always remember that friendships are a two way street.

[Ccian]

Thats the problem. Your too available. Even if your sitting home with nothing to do, you have to stop making her number one. No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. See what happens when you dont call her back or jump when she is wants you too. I bet you she begins to call you and chase you alot more. I read this thing that you are only supose to accept 50% of all the invites you get from a woman. So i think your long over due to just not be around.

 

Good luck

[LovelyLady]

I also feel that you are making yourself too accessible to her. If you take a step back, she just might see the importance of your friendship in her life. Just make sure you dont completely remove yourself. You are friends, so you dont want to completely ignore her.

 

Another possibility would be to talk to her about it. Communication is the key! You already had a serious discussion with her, so the fact that you can open up to her tells me this might be a possibly great option for you.

 

Do what you feel is best...and good luck!