DEPRESSED,CONFUSED,AND JUST WANT TO DIE

[LorenaLee]

First off the basics...I have been dating a guy for about 5 years now. I have cheated on him once when we broke up and he has cheated on me via computer relationship. We both have came a long way through everything possible and I love him more than anything else. I do absolutley everything that I can to make sure he is happy my life sadly revolves around making him happy.

Well, things have happened recently to make me believe that he isnt all about just me anymore. It makes me crazy. He started talking to this 14 year old girl (he is 21) and she rollerblades and he does too and he wants to teach her. Well he invites her to a skating demo of his and I meet her and dont like her. I walked in and he was walking with her alone towards me and I hadnt even arrived yet. Anyways I just ignored her because I thought she was fake and she acts very weird for being 14. So during this demo she was around him more than I was that pissed me off....Well the next day come to find out she wrote my boyfriend a email about how stupid i was and i am a b**** and yada yada yada mean things about me. I will have you know I was not mean to her at all didnt say anything mean or anything....Well my bf had opened up this conversation with her come to find out...he was apologizing for me being mean to her. He was talking bad behind my back...He says its no big deal and not to worry about it and when I try to talk to him about it he ignores me. Am I wrong here? I don't know what to do? This isnt the first time that he hasn't stuck up for me...please please help!

[reinvented21]

Hello ~Lorena~Lee~,

 

First of all, before I help you remember that life has so much too offer. Life may have its ups and downs. But trust me it will get better if you are willing to put in some work. Trust me I've been there. You have plenty of friends on this site who are willing to help you. Now I am going to analyze youre situation and give you the best solutions I can think of that will help you cope and progress to a life that can bring you much more happiness. Again it will entail you doing an internal audit on youreself. But, the results are so rewarding. So if you are ready, I will proceed. As far as I am concerned the relationship is over. You cheated on him, he cheated on you. Not healthy. You deserve better. He talks bad about you to a 14 year old girl. Not healthy either. 14 year old girl talks bad about you to youre boyfriend, and youre boyfriend doesnt stand up for you. Get out of this relationship. If youre 21 year old boyfriend likes this girl, then he is sick. I will repeat it again. Get Out Of The Relationship Now. You deserve better. Y ou said "I do absolutley everything that I can to make sure he is happy my life sadly revolves around making him happy." Can I ask why? I bet you I know the answer. Where is youre life? Are you a people-pleaser? I think you are. I used to do the same thing. Are you co-dependant in this relationship. I think you are. I was the same thing. Life would be so much better if you were in a relationship where everything was 50/50 wouldnt it? A life where you are treated like you deserve to be treated. A life where you put enough in a relationship that it grows stronger not weaker. I got news for you. It can happen. But before it can, you need to WORK ON YOURESELF. Once you work on youreself you wont have the desire to allow youre life to revolve around anyone elses but youre own. Once you work on yourself, you will set high standards in a boyfriend. Once you work on yourself you wont allow youreself to be treated in an unfair manner. Once you work on youreself, you wont let anybody bring you down to the point where you feel depressed and that life has no meaning. You will be able to cope. So how exactly do you do this? First- Get out of the relationship(at least temporarily). Its not healthy for you to be around him while you are trying to heal and grow stronger. Second-Get help. Dont feel embarressed by seeing a qualified therapist. They can and will help you if you let them. Third-Change youre behavior now. We want to see that frown turn into a smile. Excercise. It will change youre mood. You will feel better. Write in a journal. This will let youre feelings out in a productive manner. Cry if you have to. Scream if you have to. Feel youre feelings and 'let them go'. I suggest you look into meditation. Mindfulness meditation allows you to see youreself for the person you really are. It allows you to feel the calm tranquility that life has to offer. Meditation is the process of letting go. It will eventually teach you how to let go of negative emotions, negative people, and negative beliefs. I also suggest you cultivate self esteem. How do you do this? Try volunteer work. When you volunteer, you automatically feel that you are needed and cared for. You feel that we are interconnected. This is important because youre sense of self worth will be enhanced. I also suggest that you read youreself personal positive affirmations every day. Tell yourself how intelligent you are. Tell yourself that you can cope with lifes problems. Tell youreself how attractive you are. Tell youreself you are going places in life. Dont alienate youre friends and family. Strengthen those bonds. These people will hopefully provide a strong support system that you can rely on during these tough times. I also suggest that you learn what it takes to be in a healthy relationship. For instance CHEATING IS BAD. Dont cheat. It hurts you, the other person, and the relationship. Keep youre friends, family, and hobbies in a relationship. Never make a person youre world. If you do, and the relationship ends, it will feel like youre guts got ripped out. Learn good communication skills. When two people in a relationship are assertive and communicate effectively with one another, many problems are prevented. Its normal to feel hurt, upset, decieved. Now its time for you too turn those emotions into powerful assets. Use those negative feelings to fuel you on youre journey to recovery. One day you will wake up next to someone who loves you for you. One day you will wake up and feel great. One day you will wake up and realize that life has a lot to offer you. It will take time, but you will get better. Believe in yourself and you will feel better, I promise.

 

Best of luck and God bless.

 

P.S.-

 

Five years is a long time. I dont know if you and him want to throw it away. However it is important that you at least take time out for youreself. You will be able to analyze the situation much more clearly. You two may or may not be together in the future, but at least you know that you would have made the best decision for youreself.

 

Good luck

[LorenaLee]

I thank you greatly for taking your time to write all of that to me. I am in tears right now knowing that everything you said is pretty much right on the money. I do deserve better and I am a totally different person because of this relationship. 5 years is a very long time so yes that is why it has been so hard for me to let go. Somewhere along the line I have lost my self worth and feelings and let him take them and play with them. I do need to grow, go exercise, and do all those things. Thank you again OMG you have helped me tremendously!! Hey if you happen to have any messenger services check my profile and get on AOL or MSN so that I could chat with you. THANK YOOOOUUUU!!!!