Maybe love isn't enough anymore?

[sugarmomma]

My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years. We’ve had serious issues since the beginning. Not only am I is his first girlfriend ever, but he also Indian. His parents only want him to marry an Indian girl whom they approve of. They have tried to break up our relationship since day one. And a few times they have almost succeeded. After two years of drama, he made a huge step and moved in with me. We have been living together for almost a year and for the most part we get along very well. We rarely argue. We enjoy the same things. We are very affectionate and our sex life is great. But things are starting to get complicated.

 

First and foremost is his family. Even though he moved in with me and his immediate family knows about our relationship. They refuse to tell any of his family in India. Normally that isn’t a huge issue, but most recently his sister has gotten engaged and is having her wedding in India. Which, obviously, I am not invited to. That hurts me deeply. I would love to visit India with him. I have done all I can to learn about and embrace his culture. Needless to say he is going to India for three weeks without me in January, where all of his family is going to try and thrust any single woman his way in an attempt to find him a bride. I am furious about this. He said that he would tell his family that he has a girlfriend at home if I wanted but if he did that, they would try EVER harder to fix him up with a woman from India and that I should trust him. It isn’t a matter of trust. I hate the fact that there is a whole part of his life that I am not allowed access to. And that I am a dirty secret to which to hide. I think he should take a stand and tell his family that need to accept us and be honest about us. But I also know that this sort of drama may ruin his sister’s wedding. And I know how much he loves his sister. Last night he cried about the situation saying that he is helpless. But his lack of willingness to stand up for us and be honest makes me wonder how committed to us he really is.

 

I want to move to Portland in about a year. He says he will move with me. But I wonder about that. Honestly, I don’t trust him. Why move with me? If you can’t even be honest about us to your whole family. I know that it’s tough for him. I know that he has done a lot just by moving in with me in the first place but I feel that I still want more. Is that selfish?

 

To top it all off, I am starting to wonder if maybe he and I are too different? He is very conservative in his approach to life, whereas I am more of a wild child. We approach most things differently. And all of this resentment built up has made me start to feel less attracted to him and more attracted to other men. Plus in a few years I want to adopt a child, whereas he claims he never wants children. Although sometimes he talks about the future like we are going to raise a child together.

 

I am hurt and confused and I know that everyone is going to tell me to break up with him. Which, I am on the brink of doing. But I must also include the good. He is really the sweetest man I have ever been with. And he loves me so sincerely. I was diagnosed with MS in January of last year. And he takes care of me every step of the way. He’s thoughtful and loving. I have never caught him being dishonest or lying. And we have the best time together. Every thing we do, we laugh. We have a connection that neither of us understands and we can’t stand to be apart for even an hour. We make a good team. Where I fall short, he has strengths and vice versa. I am 29. I was married before him and I lived with at least 4 other men and I have never been in love with any of them. I didn’t even know what love was before I met him. He rocks my world most of the time. Every one of our friends thinks we are the ideal couple.

 

I really don’t know where to go from here.

[kekep]

I think that sometimes two people can love each other and just not be right for one another. It seems like his family is going to be a continuous source of conflict between you two. Do you really want to be with someone who won't stand up for you, especially from his obviously overly controlling family? I don't think in the long run you can be happy with him, even if your relationship is good for the most part. Personally, I could not be with someone if their family made every effort to tear us apart. I think at this point, you need to sit down with him and tell him about your anxieties. There is hope for the relationship if he is willing to work on your issues and to stand up for you, but I've seen no evidence of this in your post, and that isn't a good sign.