Romance, too much of a good thing

[JadedStar]

I think it might come down to you two are not right for each other. She is a romantic person and enjoys doing this. She should not have to change to suit you, or to help "make" you fall in love with her or even to make you feel more attraction for her.

 

Dude, if you are feeling the attraction might be slipping after only FOUR months, imagine after two years. Or three years. This is the honeymoon period and you are finding it hard to sustain attraction. It could get better, but realistically most of the time it won't.

 

Maybe you two need to be honest with each other and realize you migth be happier elsewhere. A person who likes to shower another person with affection will feel out of his or her element if asked to stop or slow it down. There are many guys who would LOVE a girl like that, if this does not get better after the discussions you have had, perhaps you need to let her go so she can find someone who can appreciate her as is.

[Cardinal]

It sounds like you are having trouble falling for her because you find her needy and the "romantic" stuff a bit overwhelming.

 

 

I don't know I can completely miss something like this, but now I think you are dead on. She is definitely both needy and very clingy. I finally got her in a highly social situation with some very young and outgoing people (and women she didn't know really well). These were people associated with her employment in retail. She literally attached herself to me. Definitely followed me around a lot. She seemed obsessed with what the other women thought. She told me about how one or two of the older women really were into me. The female hostess commented to her that "I must be into bodybuilding". She saw it as necessary to repeat what they said in confidence to me.

 

She didn't mingle much at all, but was looking more at me and how others reacted to me than anything else. She seemed to want to make all the other girls jealous. I did some things that really titillated and excited her. She commented on how I picked her up and ran down a hill with her while others could see. We were a little playful throwing water at each other and she mainly thought about what the other girls must have been 'thinking'. I honestly didn't even think about whether someone was watching (could care less).

 

She definitely seems in love with being in love. I worry that it isn't me she is really into but the notion of being in love and the notion of making a storybook life for herself. I also found out why she likes quick sex. I made love to her the other night when she completely didn't expect it. We were watching a movie, and I literally did all I could to make it just like in the movies. Passionate and virile as I could make it. It very much seemed like something out a storybook or a movie to her.

 

I left her yesterday night as happy as she could ever be. Too bad I don't share that feeling. I think I now also know what 'doting' feels like and I don't much care for it!

[Cardinal]

I think it might come down to you two are not right for each other. She is a romantic person and enjoys doing this. She should not have to change to suit you, or to help "make" you fall in love with her or even to make you feel more attraction for her.

 

Dude, if you are feeling the attraction might be slipping after only FOUR months, imagine after two years. Or three years. This is the honeymoon period and you are finding it hard to sustain attraction. It could get better, but realistically most of the time it won't.

 

Over the four months we have been together, I have done my best to show an independent level of commitment. She seems to show a very strong level of dependent commitment.

 

She has reacted quite well to our discussion though. Among other things, she has been a case worker and has gleaned some serious skills when it comes to being able to work on relationship problems. She can alter her actions to please me without changing who she is. As long as I can communicate that a specific action is causing me a problem, she can alter that action. She is quite adaptable as far as I can tell.

 

When she is good at compromise and appears so willing to accommodate specific needs, it is tough to just call it quits. Can you really put two people with good problem solving skills together and make something work that otherwise shouldn''t? Yes, I think you can. But it won't lead to the kind of happiness I am looking for! It will lead to a constructed happiness. There just doesn't seem to be enough 'natural' versus constructed compatibility here to suit me.

[Zampotne]

Ok, I think you answered your own question-- the two of you aren't right for each other. While I commend the fact that the two of you want to compromise and work it out and make "adjustments"... think about a long time from now. Think about maybe living together, or being married-- after a while, you aren't going to want to "act" anymore, and you're going to be with someone that you can be yourself with. There are so many people out there, and you can find someone that you naturally connect with. Why waste your time on someone just because she's smitten with you and has good problem solving skills?