Why don't we go out on "dates" anymore

[confused79]

I'll try to keep this short but I've got this problem. I started seeing this guy a couple of months ago. At first we would go out to the bar and talk almost everyday in the beginning. Now in the past couple of weeks it seems like we don't do things as much. I know that sometimes things fade in a relationship but it hasn't been long enough for me to figure out if I want to be with this guy. I like him a lot and I love spending time with him. Unfortunately I don't know if he feels the same way. I've had a hard time talking with him but I don't want to scare him either. He told me that he would love to start a relationship with me but in the beginning I kept pushing him away with my "issues" He is 8 yrs older than me, he has a 8 yr old son, and he was married before for 5 months. I thought that I could never date anyone that fit all these issues but I by giving him a chance I've really begun to have stronger and stronger feelings for him. I want to be with him. Recently it was my birthday and I his. I asked him what he wanted to do and he suggested that we do something together for both birthdays. I've tried to set a date but he doesn't want to or he keeps putting it off. Today he said he wasn't that big into birthdays. He didn't even get me a present yet or I don't think. Unfortunately the way we met was through my roommate. He dated her. Even after they broke up he bought her a bike. Don't start on the don't date a roommates ex thing bc I already know.... anyway.... I'm not into material things but every so often I like to go out on a "date" without me having to force it or meet him somewhere that he's already planned. Anyway, how should I talk to him about my concerns about wanting to go out on "dates" or surprised with a thoughtful gift or a birthday present. I don't want him to be scared or angry when I say that i want to "talk" I'd also like to know if we are "Exclusively" dating now too. B/c we don't plan things and things keep getting changed I wonder if there is someone else. Who knows...but alls I know is that I'm falling in love with him. HELP...p.s sorry this ended up being long

[SunnyScott]

Dear Confused79,

 

I'm sorry to hear that this man is NOT trying his BEST to please you. He needs to treat you like gold, even if he has an 8 yr. old.

 

Are his speaking louder than words? If not, then you need to pack your bags and move on. Trust me, don't waste your time on a numbskull who sits there and does NOT try to win you over.

 

You know how you want to be treated, if he's not giving it to you, then you are better off without him. Especially, him being 8 yrs. older, you would think that he knows how to treat a woman.

 

I've dated a guy who was 8 yrs. older. Although, a dating hermit, he still knew how to treat me right. He was romantic, and always planned trips everywhere.

 

This guys sounds like a big baby who's not mature enought to even take care of himself, let alone a child, and a significant other.

 

I'm sorry this had to be so long, but I'm sick of seeing nice women like you, who don't whine/expect/complain, get mistreated!

[confused79]

Well his son doesn't live with him, he just seems him usually around once a month.

 

I really do care about him a lot and I want my friends and family to like him too. I just feel like i'm left out in some parts of his life. Its not like I want to know everything that he's doing but I like to know. I like to feel included or at least thought of. I also like him to be affectionate like he used to. I feel like he tried so hard to get me that now that he has he doesn't care as much anymore. Uggg, I don't know what to do. what do I say to him without scaring him. I sent him an email about how a birthday is important to me since he didn't get me anything even if he isn't into birthdays. He keeps putting off out birthday dinner that I want to have since his bday is close to mine. well thats it, I hope you can give me some more advice. thanks again

[Genesis]

I don't know......

 

Maybe I am wrong but something does sound strange about this man. I think he is pulling away, for what ever reason I do not know. Maybe he is having a stressful time at work, or has meet someone else, or maybe he thinks you are moving too fast for him. Maybe something tramatic happened to him on his birthday, that is why he does not want to go out? I have a friend who's mother died on her birthday, so that day brings sad memories. You have to talk to him, about setting up another date. If he does not want to go out on with you then, I think he is sending you break up signals. Having a kid one weekend of the month does not make a guy a worn out father. Try to be patient with him, and see what he says.

 

Maybe you can ask your roommate about his behaviors( since she did date him). Maybe he is going back out with her, he did seem to give her more presents than you which makes me think maybe he cared about her more? Maybe you are just jumping the gun, He may have a huge plans for your birthdays ,but has not told you yet. He even may get you a very nice present. He may be one of those guys who likes to chase and pursue and once the challege is over he loses interest. Does he consider himself your boyfriend? Maybe you think there is a relationship when there is not one at all in his mind. I know plenty of men who have a line of women thinking they are their BF, when they really just are friends with benefits. I do not think this man sees you as his girlfriend, so why get you a present. Their could be a million reasons for his actions. The best thing to do is just to talk to him.

 

Good Luck