Sooz...I'm in the exact situation you are in. I used to be okay with men watching porn or going to strip clubs, but not anymore. Your story really hit home. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is doing the exact same things. When we first started dating I went with him to a strip club and it didn't seem to be that big of a deal. However, I began to notice that every time he went to a bachlor party at a strip club he couldn't just watch. He had to get a lap dance or table dance, anyway...participate. Then, one weekend he left and went to his brother's house, which is 4 hours away, to think about our relationship. We were really going through a tuff time. When he returned I found out they had gone to a strip club that weekend and he spent $100! I was furious. Since then, he hasn't gone to any lately. However, he has been watching movies and getting on the internet, which really bothers me. At first I tried the whole "boys will be boys", but not anymore. I'm sick of it and he knows it. This has effected my self-esteem greatly. I no longer see myself as attractive and I catch myself wondering why he's even with me. I feel like I can't measure up to those images that he so desperately needs. He tells me that just because he likes to look at them doesn't in any way mean that he's not attracted to me. Yeah, whatever. It has gotten so bad that when I found out that he has had the hots for Carmen Electra I try and destroy every image of her. This has come to haunt me. Instead of realizing that everything he sees with her face (and body) plastered all over it is only a 2 dimensional figure, I go into a jealous rage. I really really dislike this person and everything she stands for now, all because I don't feel like I can measure up to her (or at least his idea of her).
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are definetly not alone. I'm fighting a mental battle right now, one which I refuse to lose. My mom once told me to fight fire with fire. She said she caught my father looking at naked pictures of women once so she went out and got naked pictures of men and made sure he knew she was looking at them. At first he just laughed, but then she said he realized what was going on and from then on respected her. I think I might try that. I'm definetly not going to sit back and let him dictate how I feel about myself. I was a whole person before I met him and I will continue to be so. So, if you come accross a way to get rid of your jealousy let me know. I suppose since we are both in the same boat (sort of) that we could probably help each other out. Just remember, he doesn't define who you are. You define who you are.
