Hopingpraying

Amelia,

I have been reading your posts the last few weeks so I know a bit of your background.. I hope you found out you are not pregnant? At least if I am remembering correctly you might of been. Regardless, about your current situation...

From the information you provided I can't really say why you want to leave your current boyfriend. It sounds like he is a nice guy who cares about you. I guess you should at least give the current boyfriend a chance to give you what you want and need.. At the same time, yes, people can change. People can realize what is important to them and change for the better. I know this for a fact because I am one of those people.

People can do one of two things when the have adversity in their lives. They can either withdrawl and go further down the wrong road, or, the can have an awakening and do the things they should have been doing all along. The question for you is has he done the right things? Possibly, but I don't think it is worth throwing away a perfectly good relationship to find out.

If you tell the current boyfriend what you need and he doesn't respond appropriately then maybe you can try to work things out. I just don't think it is good to bounce back and forth like that..

My 2 cents

Well that all depends on how you do when he calls, how your breakup happened, did he leave you, did you leave him?

If you are the one who was broke up with, how do you feel when he calls? How do you feel toward him??

Dr. Lyle is in the house to diagnose.. He just needs more information!!

Princess,

I can't say for sure based on the information you provided why you have so many trust issues with you husband, however, it could be due to some other unresolved issues from your past. Whether it be a parent misused your trust, or someone else close to you.

While I agree you should not have your life revolving around him, you two should make an effort to be together.

Have you looked at group conuseling or is he against that?

Either way communication is the key to any relationship. And you need to understand that even though you may think you are communicating clearly to him he may be understanding things very differently then what you are actually meaning. I had this problem with my wife and now that we are separated our communicaition fortunately or unfortunately is much better now then it has ever been.

I'm not sure why that happens, but I guess before I only heard what I wanted to here and shut out the rest.

Good luck with your situation. I hope you are able to salvage your marriage because divorce sucks no matter which side your on.

You said it yourself... Keep a level head. Don't get to high or too low.

This is obviously what you want and what you are hoping for, but I just remind you to remember how you felt when you first broke up. Remember how bad that sucked?? How miserable and desperate you felt. Don't let her do that too you again. Take it slow and see how she responds.

Whatever your reason for your first breakup have those issues been delt with? Have you fixed what she said was the problem, or was it one of those I need space to figure out what I want or need deals? If that is the case has she finally figured it out??? These issues just don't resolve themselves. You need to make sure she knows what she wants, and you definitely need to make sure you know what you want.

If you and her have answers to all of those questions then go for it. Take it slow and see where it leads. I wish I was in your shoes!!

I would think if you used a condom you don't have anything to worry about. The fact that you had bad experiences with them in the past shouldn't have any bearing on the current unless you have spikes in there??? Just kidding.

It could be the stress or you could just be late. Take another test and see what happens. Hope things come out alright for you.

I would think if you used a condom you don't have anything to worry about. The fact that you had bad experiences with them in the past shouldn't have any bearing on the current unless you have spikes in there??? Just kidding.

It could be the stress or you could just be late. Take another test and see what happens. Hope things come out alright for you.

I don't think you are being insecure or jealous. If he has nothing to hide then it is fine he should be able to talk with her in your presense, or he should have enough respect for you and your relationship to not talk with her if it makes you uncomfortable.

You should make it clearly known how this makes you feel and if he cannot deal with it then you have a decision to make. It all depends on how much you feel for this guy and how much disrespect you are willing to take.

Please don't misunderstand what I am saying here. They may very well be just close friends and she may only be looking for advice from him. If that is the case then she should be your friend too. You should be able to talk to her as well. I am sure he may not be comfortable with that, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. I am currently separated from my wife, but during our marriage I still spoke to my ex-girlfriend. I never really made it a point to tell my wife I was still speaking too her, but if she ever was to find out about it I wouldn't of lied to her about it. And if she would of had an issue with it I would of stopped. The reason I didn't tell her was because she probably would of been insecure, but during that whole time my EX and I were not having any type of relationship, just getting advice from the opposite sex. It was nice to get a differnet opinion.

It may very well be the same situation for him, but the fact that you know about it and are having difficulties with it he should still respect your wishes.

Hope this helps..

My take on it is exactly what GeeCee is saying. He is not sure what he wants. Him calling you drunk tells me that he is deffinately thinking of you. He was obviously checking up on you and I think his attitude comes from the fact that you were out without him so late and seem to be doing okay without him. So he is now having second thoughts about everything.

I have not read up on your past posts so I am not sure about the history between you two, however, if you want him back it sounds like the opportunity might be there for you to do it. The reason I say this is when someone is intoxicated they can do one of two things, have really eradict behavior, or let their guard down and start feeling things that they normaly would not feel or would not show to other people. I think by him calling you he is missing you.

Whatever you choose to do it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. We are here for you!!

Tech,

I nearly shed a tear for you reading about your situation. I guess it is because it hit really close to home. My wife nearly told me the same things your GF did. I kept pressuring her, trying to get her to come back to me. I can tell you it did not work and actually pushed her further away.

Crysan is giving you good sounds advice. I would listen to what he has to say. I know you believe that if you just say the right things she will come back to you, but I can assure you that this is not the case. She will have to come back on her own and nothing you say or do will change her mind. The best thing you can do if you feel it nessecary to write her a letter is to tell her you understand, and all you want is for her to be happy. If that means she needs to be away from you then you understand and support her no matter how bad it hurts you. You love her that much.

We are here to be your sounding board so you don't have to go to her. Don't call her, don't write her. Just support her decision and make yourself stronger, better, and wiser. That is what attracted her to you in the first place.

Good luck.

Chip,

I am sorry about you situation and really feel your pain. It is hard to go through a breakup there is no two ways about it. We are hear for you and will listen. That unfortunately is all we can do. We can tell you it will get easier in time, and it will. But the pain is something you have to work through. Try to lay off the drinking it will only take you further into depression. Its not the way you want to go.

If you want her back you have to be the strong confident individual you know you are. There is a reason for why she is doing what she is doing. You may never know what that reason is, but you cannot push her in anyway to tell you what it is or to try and get back with you. She will only push back..

Again I feel for you bro.. I hope it gets easier for you.

HP

I agree with what you are saying Tenn... And when I say me and my EX are friends we are not buddy, buddy hang out and do stuff together. We just talk on the phone occasionally. We were involved in a three year relationship that ended pretty rough. But we are over that now and talk.

I agree with what you are saying and am interested in hearing about parts II and III....

I will answer question # 2 first:

2. I am friends with one of my ex's. It was a bad breakup and it took a long time, but we are good friends who look for advice about the opposite sex from one another. She is always asking for advice about what to do about her boyfriend and I would talk to her about problems I was having with my wife. So it can be done. I don't know how often but it really depends on the two people involved and whether they can truly forgive one another for the bad things they say when going through a breakup. It sounds like you two won't have this problem so it might be easier.

The other issue is she obviously has stronger feelings for you so she may have a more difficult time which leads into question # 1.

1. The best way for her to get over you is to implment the no-contact rule. She will need to keep from contacting you for a period of time so that she can get closure in the relationship. If she continues to talk with you she may hold out hope that you will come around, or you two may confuse things further by continuing to have sex with one another. Please don't do that to her.

Good luck. I am glad to see you are doing this the right way.

You said it yourself that there is nothing you can do about your age so if he has a problem with it I guess he has a problem with it. There is nothing you can do about it.

I am not sure how close you two are and whether it would be worth the effort to try to work through it.

Dog,

You sound a bit overly trusting too me to let your wife have sex with another man just because you were the only one.

If you love her though, you need to communicate with her. If you are not doing what she wants in bed then she should at least be telling you what she wants. And I would cut out letting her have sex with other guys. In general women have a harder time then men seperating sex from love.

You need to talk to her about this. Let her know what you saw her typing and that it concerns you.

B_C_R,

Sorry to hear about your situation, but I think it is pretty clear what you have to do. You need to let her go. Start no-contact and stick with it. It will be very hard to do at first and you will go through many anexiety phases. Probably a dozen or more. Be better one day, worse the next. I am going on nearly two months since my wife moved out and I still have my days, but they are growing further apart.

You cannot make her do anything, but you can influence some things. Doing the crying and begging I can tell you does not work. But you are both young and it could do you some good to be apart for a bit.

The ole saying if you love something set it free comes to mind. If she truly loves you she will be back.

Aracdia,

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and it sounds like he may not be completely over her. I don't think you are being overly suspicious either.

What I would recommend is talking to him about it and explaining your feelings and how it bothers you. Try to do it in a non-threatening way and if possible (if you think you could do it) ask him if you can meet her so you don't feel so insecure. I don't know if he would agree to that and if he doesn't maybe that tells you what you need to know.

He needs to let you know that you are #1 in his book.

If this doesn't work then I think you know what you need to do....

Ahhh one more thing do you know if his Ex is involved with anyone?

My advice is don't lie to your Mate/spouse, no matter what kind of argument you are trying to avoid.

I understand what you are saying you don't want back with her if all she is going to do is try to get you back, but all I can say to that is don't dish it out if you can't take it.

Not that helpful I realize, but she wants you to know how she feels and why she doesn't like you doing it.

Dev,

I understand what you are going through. It is difficult for advice on this issue. Basically you have to let her go. She will either figure out that you are the guy for her, or she will find another. It is that simple.

I know its not what you want to hear, but sometimes life throws us in different directions. Just know there are other women out there for you. I keep telling myself that.

Akkan,

I see a couple of problems here:

1. The age difference, you two are at different points in your life, and while 13 years is not huge, the point in your lives are.

2. I can see her being in lust with you. I question whether she is truley in love. Most people at 18 have not experienced enough relationships to know what they are truly looking for. Yours could be the exception but I doubt it.

3. I could see you really getting hurt in this relationship. You have her parents to deal with, her inexperience in relationships. I could see you going through a very similar thing that I am right now. And it is not fun. I would caution you against it, but I know how love is. I don't question for a second your love for her. I do question her commitment to you. Soon she will be 21 and you will be 34. Those are two very different points in each of your lives. She will be wanting to start going to the bar, you will want to be starting a family. It is tough to work those two things out and then you throw in the fact you have to sneak around behind her parents backs and it makes it very tough.

My wife and I, soon to be ex-wife, started dating when she had just turned 17. I was 21 at the time. I was really her first relationship. I feel right now we are getting a divorce because she feels she needs to go out and experience other men. She would give different reasons, but I really feel this is the case.

Be careful. I hope it works out for you.

I appreciate everyones advice and pretty much had come to the same conclusion but wanted to see if others felt the same.

I don't have anyone in mind and to be honest cannot even think about dating yet. I am trying to fix myself and get my stuff together before I even attempt that again. I need to be single for a stretch. Its the only way to keep from repeating the same mistakes I had in my marriage.

And to be honest when this is all final I want to be able to say to my wife, (ex) that I never cheated on her.... I think that is something I will be able to be proud of.

Thanks again for the advice.

Ems,

Sorry to hear about your breakup. A boyfriend of 8 months at your age is what I would definitely consider a long term relationship so I believe your pain is real. I don't know if I am going to give you the answer you want however......

If your Ex broke up with you and so easily found another girl to be with then I think you would be better served to move on. You would be amazed at how badly guys want what they can't have. I am not saying try to make him Jealous, I am saying move on because you have invested a lot of your time in him and for him to just up and leave you for reasons that don't sound all that good too me then you are better off without him.

You might not think anyone else will compare to your ex because you are still attached to him. As time goes by you will begin to see his flaws and the fact that what he did to you was wrong...

Like I said probably not what you wanted to hear, but its the best I can do. Its what I think will help you the most. Good luck with Prom!!

Amelia,

While I would agree with Bunny that you need time to sort out your feelings, I also think you need to be careful before just jumping right back into another relationship with your Ex. One night together is hardly enough time for you to judge how much he has changed and you could be setting yourself up for another round of heartbreak if he truley has not fixed all his problems. If you truly want to work things out with your ex, then cut it off with the current boyfriend, and take your time with the ex. Explain to him that you two need to step back and learn to be friends before you can become intimate again. This way you can see at a distance whether he has truly changed or not. It is much better alternative then jumping from the frying pan and into the fire..

Take your time and go slow!!

I just wanted to get opinions on how people feel about dating when going through divorce. I still hope to reconcile with my wife so I feel like I would be cheating on her if I dated before the divorce is final.

I wondered how other people felt about this, how they went about this.

We have been separated for since Feb. 14th. Our relationship ended long before that though. I would say back in October or November. Feb 14th was when she moved out of our marital home. So it has been some time. The divorce probably won't be final until August sometime. So it will be a stretch. I am not sure how long I can wait but I know that at this time I have no desire to see other women. My feelings for my wife are still very strong.

I am trying to give her the space she requires but it is difficult because I need to remain in contact because of our daughter. I don't talk about us, or let her know I want to get back together with her. So that part is good.

I am trying to be the most civil and caring I can under the circumstances without seeming indifferent to her. I need to let her know I care without letting her know. So hopefully by doing all the right things she will see I have fixed the problems she had with me, and hopefully we will be able to get back together.

Don't hold back. I want honest opinions.....

Thanks,

R6,

You may want to get checked out yourself, I have never experienced it myself, but it is possible you could be the one giving her the infection. Sometimes guys can have it and not even know it. It would be worth checking out so you know your not it.

The other way to know is this happened once you two started being intimate or not.. Think back.

Its nothing to be ashamed about and if it fixes your sex life then it is all good.

Good luck.

Lunchbox,

I am sorry about your situation, but I think you are torturing yourself. I don't think you should make any contact with this guy. You are just letting him know he can be with his current interest and you will be there when and if something goes badly with it. That lets him know he can do whatever to you he wants and you will be there for him. Not a good situation to be in.

I don't know if you have read up on no-contact but you should. It will help you to heal, and make it so he may begin to miss you. Right now he has no reason to miss you because you are always there.

It sounds like he has moved on and for your health you should do the same. If it was meant to be he will be back.