tmarie

I worded that wrong...me and the other guy are EXTREMELY casual. We are not exclusive yet and he knows that I still have feelings for my ex and would work things out if I could.

Little history first: my ex boyfriend and I broke up Nov 2003....I initiated no contact in Januay and stuck by it. He called me in February and told me he missed me and was sorry he had not called. He was trying to give me space (he broke up w/ me but whatever.) Then we had no contact for 3 more weeks. I spoke to his Mom last week and she told me he has been pretty down lately. So, Friday night I called him just to see what was up. He told me he was going to his Mom's Saturday morning and told me that if I wanted to come I was more than welcome too. That him and his son had missed me and would love to see me. So, I told him I would think about it and let his Mom know the next day if I was going to come. Now, I have a boyfriend that I am currently seeing. I had plans scheduled with him for the weekend, but I cancelled them to be with my ex. I guess i just wanted to see what was still there. That was so wrong... but I felt like I owed to our history to see what was up. I got to my ex's mom's house and we hung out and had a good time, as friends. But, as the night progressed he started flirting with me more and more. We slept in the same room but different beds. All night I kept looking at him and the old feelings were there but not nearly as strong. But, I know that if he had layed it on thick I probably would have been back at square one. He told me that I looked good as usual and that they had really missed me. If he had told me he still loved me I would have been a big mushy pile of feelings again. Then, he asked if I wanted to fool around and at first I said no. Then of course, I changed my mind because I am weak. Afterwards I kicked him back into his bed. He told me that he had not been with anyone since we had broken up. I guess he was waiting for me to say the same, but I could not so I did not say anything. The next day he gave me a hug and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. he asked if I was going to come see him this Friday night...I had told him when I spoke to him last Friday (the whole reason for my phone call) that I was going to be in town this weekend and would stop my see them. I told him I would see if I was still going to stop by this Friday and he told me to make sure to call him and let me know what was going on. He told me he had had a really good time. Then we left it at that. He never said anything about our past relationshiup or anything about trying to work things out, but I did not either. What do I do know to try and get him back? I do not want to scare him off. Maybe he's just using me? How can I tell if he still has feelings for me?

I guess some weird twisted part of me was kind of upset when he called. I had my No Contact record going and he spoiled it! Even had my Outlook popping up messages letting me know how many days I had gone with no contact. Goofy, huh? I was feeling strong about not talking to him now my head's all screwy again! Thanks for the advice... at first I was just going to ignore things at not see that he may have been trying to initiate things with me again. He asked me to come see them sometime and I was not going to. To see if he would call and ask again. But, if I do that....what if he takes that as I do not want to talk to him anymore and gives up on me? Since you said light contact would be appropriate, I might try to give him a call. I kinda feel like I may have given out the wrong signals when he told me he had been thinking about and missing me and I did not tell him anything back. Maybe that's why he has not called back? It's so hard to know when to make a move and when I should wait for him to do it.

I successfuly completed 28 days of No Contact when he calls. But, I think he may have called becuase I had sent his son a Valentine. He told me that he had been thinking about me on Valentine's Day and had been missing me. I just said, "Oh, yeah?" He then told me that he was sorry he had not called me in awhile, but he had been giving me some space. (OK - WHO asked for space? He wanted it when he dumped me!) I just said that I had been doing the same thing. He told me that next time I was in town ( he lives 2.5 hours away from me) that I needed to stop by becuase his son wanted to see me. I told him okay, but I don't think I meant it. I talked to his mom a couple of days afterward and she said that he had told her that he called me. She told me that he would probably call me that weekend. She started to tell me what he thought about our conversation when her phone went dead! Oh, dirty pool! I called her back and told her to tell him not to call that I was going to be out of town. I did not want to be sitting at home on the "off chance" that he might actually call. Is it ok to call him? Is my No Contact still in effect or do I have to start over? I have not heard from him since. What should I think about him calling me? Maybe he felt obligated to call since I had sent his son a Valentine, but why did he have to say that he was missing me and thinking about me? Now my head's all screwed up again! Somebody help, please...I feel like I'm sliding backwards!

That's great - it makes my heart warm to see an ex looking like crap after a breakup, when I'm looking hot. (Little secret laugh to ourselves.) It sounds like you are doing wonderful in the healing process. I'm working on it. Hearing that other people can do it gives me hope. Thanks for the giggle.

I know that I would, for sure be sending his son a valentine strictly for his sake. I would have sent it without question, until I considered the fact that his father might feel obligated to call me. Makes me wish the little guy could read already so his father would not have to know about it. And my ex has no problem with me spending time in his son's life. He said that he needs to have a female influence in his life that he knows loves him. Thanks for all your great advice, Captain. I'm going to do it for my little buddies sake and no one else's. His heart would be broken if he did not get a Valentine from me.

He broke up with me for a multitude of reasons. When him and I were still together he did not even have a date set for his final divorce hearing. He said he could not get it finished and get his life straight if he had so much going on. And, since I moved 2.5 hours away he was scared that I would find someone else, since he did not consider himself good enough for me. We were fighting quite a bit about trust issues and so forth with us trying to maintain a long distance relationship. He said he needed to concentrate on him and his son for now. He also said that he needed his freedom since he had not had it before. About 6 months after him and his wife split was when we started seeing each other. For the years we dated he had gone back and forth with wanting to get married and have a family to not ever having a future with another woman. MAJOR confused at all times. He said he really wanted us to maintain a close friendship after the breakup but everytime I called him he would act all cold and distant. I'd ask him if he wanted me to leave him alone and he said no, he wanted us to be friends. Then he calls me a few weeks back to ask if I am seeing someone else. I told him yes, because I am seeing someone else, casually...but exclusively, if that makes sense. He said that was cool. Then he asked if I would come by his house that weekend so we could hang out a little bit. Well, when I got there he was all packed up and told me he was going to his mom's house. So, I left. Since then we have not spoken. I decided to try the "no contact" rule....Day 20 now. What the heck is going on? I'm so confused as to what he wants...should I pursue or let it go?

Hello! This is my first post...I have been reading posts on this site for weeks now and it has been really beneficial to me. I had not even considered the "no contact" rule until I started reading about other people who were experiancing the heartbreak that I was going through. I am on Day 20 now and I have run into a roadblock. My ex and I dated for almost 3 years...very intense serious relationship. Our relationship did not end badly. Him and his wife filed for divorce 3.5 years ago. It has taken so long because he wants to keep sole custody of his son and his lawyer thought the longer he had his son by himself the better his chances. He broke up with me because he said he needed to get his life back together and he needed to concentrate on that. His final court date is set for February 20 and he will finally be free. I was "mother" to his son since he was 1 year old. We have been broken up now for almost 3 months and we had tried to stay in contact. But, I was the only one making any contact. We live a couple of hours away from each other now. (One of the reasons for the break up.) But, I made a point to go there every couple of weeks because he son needed to see me. Everytime I talk to his son, he is all upset that I do not come and see him anymore. This as been so hard for me because I lost not one, but the 2 most important people in my life. Now, here's my dilema...Valentine's Day is coming up and I know little one will be upset if I do not send him a Valentine. But, since I am doing "no contact" I am afraid that if I do send one, my ex will feel obligated to call me and thank me. I only want him to contact me because he misses me, not because he feels like he has to. How do I handle this without putting myself back at square one?