Brneyegirll

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF WHEN MAKING DECISIONS IN BEING/STAYING IN A RELATIONSHIP, SHOULD YOU GO WITH WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU OR YOUR HEAD(THINKING)? ALSO, WHEN 2 PEOPLE ARE "MADLY IN lOVE" WITH EACH OTHER, DO THEY BOTH TEND TO DO/SAY CRAZY THINGS? IS PULLING FORWARD AND BACKWARD NORMAL? I HAVE BEEN GOING WITH A GUY(44 YRS OLD) FOR 4 MONTHS.(IM 36) HE HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED OR HAD CHILDREN AND IM SCARED HE WILL NEVER COMMITT. AND IM COMING FROM AN ALMOST PERFECT MARRIAGE OF 12 YRS(MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY). IM USED TO TALKING, COMMUNICATING,TRUSTING..ETC. HE REALLY HAS NEVER HAD A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. DO YOU THINK THERES ANY HOPE FOR US??

When we went out the first time, he took me to the bar he hung out at since he was 21. And i know pretty much all his friends. I think he is not telling his family yet because i knew them for yrs and they are very judgemental about dating to soon after a death. Besides they also knew my deceased husband well. We have lived accross the street from him and his parents for 11 yrs. He says he wants to break it to them slowly and respectfully. As far as the sex thing..i do think he has some issues about sex. But i know thats not what hes after because that only happens 2x a week. On friday night we had sex and saturday was his b-day and that night i tryed to initiate it and he said he just wanted to hold me and it was right after all that he broke up with me. He has now called me acting like thats not what he wanted..that he just said it because he thinks thats what i want and he dont want to see me unhappy anymore. So now he doesnt want to break it off. Im confused here. He says things will be where they need to be in time. Its gonna take time. I have wanted him to be able to spend the night with me..all night and wake up together but he cant ever do that because of his parents, or his mom shall i say. She is the dominating one in the house. He has stopped going to the bar because he knows i dont want that kinda life, which he told me he didnt either. He says he only did it cause he didnt have anyone. Am i asking to much to want to spend the night with him or spend more time with him? I feel very sad when we have sex and he has to go home. He seems to be very loving towards me and affectioniate when he wants sex and when he doesnt, he gets very withdrawn and even seems depressed at times. He will not open up to me. I dont understand him at all. Ive noticed if i start rejecting him..then he wants to worry about the relationship.

This is kinda a long story. First off, My husband died 5 months ago. We have lived in our house for 11 yrs and we were married for 12. Im 36, he was 40 when he died. Before he died, a neighbor of ours accross the street(which we have known somewhat) was trying to get me a job where he worked. So i was communicating with him about this. Well, my husband ended up passing away un-exspectly. A month after this, i went out one night as friends with this neighbor (he is 44 yrs old) and this continued and now i am deeply in love with him. He lives with his parents but does own a home which he just goes over and takes care of. He has never been married or had any children. During this 4 months we have been seeing each other, he has told me he loves me and wants to marry me(told me one time) in the future(told me no longer than 2 yrs). There has been times he didnt call me for 2-3 days at a time for no reason at all. I feel he is scared of any kinda committment. This whole time he has hardly ever told me a time we would be together come night time. Everything has been on his time and what he wants. He has a problem making a committment to times of anything. His mom and dad knew me and my husband and they are very old fashion and he didnt want them to know we were seeing each other. He cant spend the night out because he says his mom gets mad if he stays out to late and/or was to stay out all night. But now he said he did tell them we are friends and he will walk over maybe 2x a week. Alot of this has been hiding though. At first we had to meet at a store and leave one car and then come back to my house so they wouldnt know he was over here. I do feel he lies to me. We dont get to be together much. At times when i try to talk to him, he doesnt say a word. And trys to leave so we dont talk. I have asked hime to move over his house so we can be together more and go to the next level and he wouldnt then have to answer to his parents or lie to them. But he comes up with all kinds of excuses. Last night he told me he wanted to basically break up so i can be happy because he cant give me what i want or need. And that he's tired of seeing me in pain. But that he loves me with all his heart. He said once he gets his life together, we can get back together. I feel like im on a emotional roller coaster ride. He said that im a good person and havent done nothing wrong. Which i have treated him like gold. I do love him so much but i feel he just keeps hurting me and pulling forward and back. what is going on with this guy? At times he is very distant/withdrawn with me. I never dreamed i would fall in love with someone this fast and hard. He has not been supportive what so ever throughout this whole time. I have to turn to other people for support. I am going threw so many other problems right now and this is killing me but i love him so. His family doesnt know he loves me or i love him. This also hurts me bad. Is it to soon for them to know? If he truly loved me, would he tell everyone? My heart is breaking! why is he hurting me and will he ever commit?