majord23

My mate did this the other month. He was 6'2 and 185 pounds. He still is 6'2 but now 176 !!!!

 

 

link removed

 

 

I have a bet to lose 14 pounds in 4 weeks - so might try it !

 

Scruff

Has it come to that mate??

im usually never hungry when im at school and if i am i WILl buy a chicken patty. but i use to have an underactive thyroid problem but its fixed now.

Are you type 1 or 2 diabetic? And is your blood sugar stable?

im a diabetic. my meals are on a tight schedule. i have to eat breakfast and then i dont usually eat anything at school because school food sickens me. then i come home and eat a snack then eat dinner at 4 or 5. and water is all i drink.

Leaving such a large gap between eating (breakfast to 4/5pm) isn't doing you any favours - *especially* seeing as how you are diabetic. Skipping meals slows down your metabolism, and also makes you more likely to have a hypo.

Can you not prepare some lunch to take to school?

Hey Missme,

 

He is not interested in getting back together with you. Go by his ACTIONS, not his words. He is meeting other women at bars, he is talking to ex's, he does not call you as often, he does not invite you out, cops an attitude with you, he only seems to have time for you when it is convinent for him and when kissing and cuddling and what have you is involved.

 

I know you want to get back together with him and you are hanging on to every detail that may mean he wants to get back together. He is playing you and you are letting him. I strongly recommend you stop hanging out with him and cut him out your life...for good. You deserve more than he willing to give. Why settle for crumbs when you can have the whole pie?

100% agree.

Missmee, he is playing you like a fiddle - he has NO intention of getting back together with you at the moment. Cut him off and go NC.

I sure fire remember you too mate (was wondering how it all turned out!).

That's great news Rob and thanks so much for coming back to let us know!

I'm sure this thread will provide lots of people here with some inspiration - well done again pal

Congrats river dog.

Your '3 point plan' is exactly how you should approach the date. Have fun and see what happens.

Keep us posted.

First of all, you should be very proud of the strength you exhibited after the break-up - well done.

Now, as to what is going on in her head. It could be a number of things - trouble in her new relationship, missing you, just wanting to catch up. It could be *anything* - so it's best not to try to get inside her head.

If you analyse it too much, you'll find yourself trying to second-guess her or you'll start to build expectations that may never come to fruition.

Bottom line - focussing on what *might* be going on in her head, most definitely *will* affect what's going on in your head and also your actions.

I'm going through something similar at the moment, and after a rough couple of days (feeling anxious, wondering what she might want etc), I realised that if it is anything significant, she will let me know. And until (if) she lets me know, I continue with my life as I have been - for me, and for me only.

Just try to put it out of your mind and leave the worrying to her.

Good post, and there's some there that I agree with.

Having said that, in my experience there are just as many negatives to come from such sites.

Some of the philosophies that I have encountered that seemingly thread through the majority of the sites I have visited are thus:

- Women act on emotion, men use logic - don't attempt to argue with a woman using logic.

- Never buy a gift/do something 'sweet' for a woman unless it is a special occasion (birthday etc.) or unless it is as a 'reward' for her good behaviour. To do otherwise is to supplicate and lower your value.

- Women need drama, and so will create some where there is none. Do not buy into it, or validate her behaviour.

- If she is 'misbehaving', sarge (ie flirt, talk to women) in front of her to 'increase your value'.

- Tactics to overcome LMR (Last minute resistance) in order to coerce a woman into bed when she may be changing her mind at the last minute.

- Tactics to lure a girl away from her boyfriend

That's just to name a few....

So yes, they may very well provide a good basis for someone to increase their confidence in regards to interacting with the opposite sex but do they not also perpetuate stereotypes and behaviours that are outdated and, in some cases, just plain wrong?

And the whole 'secret society' thing is something that I personally find hilarious - it's like being back at school.

As with most sites, there are good and bad points promoted - I just find the whole 'atmosphere' sleazy and (on the whole) the tendency to objectify and pigeon-hole women small-minded.

Again though, you have raised some good points.

I just feel like NC is running away from the pain of rejection.

Hmmmm.....

...the weekend she gives me a call just to say HI .. (after we've not talked for months)

Do you not think the 'not talked for months' might have also had something to do with your ability to keep yourself together?

Agree with tyler in that sleeping with someone else doesn't help me get over an ex, it actually makes it worse.

As for seduction gurus - I still believe that they are insecure within themselves. Sex is sex - simple as that. It doesn't matter who it is with, essentially it is the same if there are no emotions involved.

Guys (and girls) who have indiscriminant sex with numerous partners are seeking validation (in one way or another). Whether it is to prove their physical or psychological attraction - or whether it is to prove that their 'tactics' work, it is still validation seeking.

They often talk about avoiding 'supplication' - but surely changing one's appearance, personality or using canned routines in order to get someone into bed is 100% pure, uncut supplication. On the surface they will argue that it isn't - but in reality, that is *exactly* what it is.

The only time I see this working is if you have low self esteem and need reaffirmation that you are good.

Precisely.

There are websites full of guys who use the 'GFTOW' tactic to get over or prevent 'oneitis'.

If you read the posts, you'll actually see that (on the whole) the posters are men who are seeking validation - either from women, or from the 'seduction gurus' on the site.

As much as they try to project 'coolness', they still seek validation over and over and over again. Someone who's happy with themself doesn't seek validation from anyone, they're just themselves.

Spending hours learning how to 'act like an Alpha Male' without actually taking concrete steps to develop into someone who is comfortable in their own skin is pointless....it just encourages individuals to play a character.

GFTOW by all means if it helps, but beware of straying too far from the real you.

because i kinda fooled around with another girl drunk.

Now we're getting somewhere - wasn't this the girl who you said you met off the internet and that nothing happened with?

Great post tamara, thanks for sharing it.

In my experience, the most painful aspect of any break-up is not actually what an ex has done to me - but what I have done to myself.

Losing pride and self-respect is SO easy after a break-up, and if you are able to maintain it (usually via NC) then half the battle is won.

I still kick myself for some of my behaviour from several years ago...simply because I allowed myself to act in an undignified manner.

So I broke up with her in March '06 and told her I needed a "diet" relationship..

There's nothing wrong between us. I understand she needs some space to grow but in my head I can't think of a reason for her not to return.

I can, and you typed it.

My impression of your situation is this:

You were not entirely happy with your relationship with your girlfriend, and that is why the girl from the internet is 'on the scene'. I'm not accusing you of infidelity (although there *may* be some truth to the 'rumours' that net girl is spreading), but you were certainly *at least* looking elsewhere.

Either the 'net girl' was not all that you imagined, OR the very fact that your girlfriend would not tolerate your 'friendship' with this girl made your girlfriend more attractive to you.

I think that you are scared of losing your girlfriend ...it's not necessarily that your relationship was that great.

The fact that she had the strength to end it before you (you probably didn't expect that!) has you freaking out about losing her.

You have to sit down and look at how happy you *really* were in the relationship. Be completely honest with yourself and THEN decide whether it is your girlfriend you want back, or just the security of the relationship.

Good lck - if you do decide you want her back, you've learnt a lesson for life here pal.

 

I'm also curious what NLP stands for...

Neuro-linguistic programming

Hey hjc!

You sound like you've got a great handle on things and planning ahead is definitely in your best interests (proper preparation prevents poor performance ).

NC is for healing (as you know) and if that is the sole purpose you are implementing it, then telling your ex outright is the best step. Be upfront and honest - she should respect you for your honesty and also respect your need for NC.

However, it may also send your ex into a spin and have her contacting you relentlessly - (planning ahead again) - and so you must be prepared for how you deal with that.

If LC is the route you choose, then you might get something out of this...

When every avenue has been exhausted, every question has been asked and a final answer has been received, you recommend taking a step backwards and having the same conversations again??

NC IS the answer in this situation, if you know DJ's story I'd be surprised if you still disagree.

...she says she wants me...she doesnt want me to move on..

Only one part of that statement is true...and it aint the first bit.

Great post RD.

A statement that I have used before and helps when thinking of trying to persuade an ex to come back:

True love doesn't need convincing...true love knows.

fake name,

You have taken the first step to feeling better mate. The fact that you have taken steps to get her out of your life (deleting IM etc.) shows that you are genuine about it and aren't relying on her for your happiness anymore.

That is a HUGE step to take, but one that is definitely in your best interests.

Too many people (and I have been guilty in the past) spend far too long doing things to get a reaction from an ex - you have drawn your line in the sand, said "enough is enough" and are now moving on.

You may not see it now, but you will look back at this as the moment you took your life back and you will also see that it was 100% the right thing to do.

Be sad, but be proud bro.

Did she dump you?

Dump me???? NEVER!!!! (she *did* make the choice to terminate our relationship however )

Is it possible that your friend was able to let her know the contents of your text in some way?

No way on God's green Earth DN.

He doesn't know her but is aware of the story. I met him after the break-up.

We often hear on these boards that once we have move on, our exes usually reappear in our lives....well, I have a story that is uncanny:

I have been in NC with my ex since the end of April. Since then I have had a few short *ahem* 'flings' that were probably a result of me seeking someone to fill a void in my life - because I guess I wasn't truly happy being by myself.

The last few days however, I have been feeling exceedingly happy. I've been enjoying life and enjoying being single. I only realised it when reflecting yesterday.

Last night I texted a friend saying as much; the text said "I'm really good - FINALLY genuinely happy being single".

We exchanged a few texts over the next 10 minutes, and then I receive a text (which I assumed was from my friend)....but it was from my ex.

*Literally* 11 minutes after I had sent my friend a text saying how I was happy being single, she reappears.

It was a 'nothing' text just asking how I was, and I replied in kind. But it's the timing of her contact that had my head spinning.

I know that this is what sometimes happens, but it doesn't make it any less freaky

A little anecdote that may help you enol.

A good friend of mine was completely heartbroken about 4 years ago. She was seeing a guy for 18 months that was (always) going to enter an arranged marriage. He dumped her cold, walked out and got married. She knew that this was what was going to happen but it didn't make it any easier.

Fats forward 3 years - he is in an unhappy marriage and contacts her...they start having an affair. I was against it 1) Morally and 2) Because I knew that she was going to get hurt.

I was wrong. She ended up meeting another guy that she liked and dumped the married guy (that guy that had broken her heart 4 years earlier). It wasn't vindictive and there was no element of revenge on her part - she was just doing what was in her best interests.

Anyway, this time it was the married guy who was hurt...and he started contacting my friend asking to meet with her. He just wouldn't give up depsite the fact that my friend was being nothing but honest with him.

Eventually he did give up though....in June.

Her birthday was at the beginning of August....at her party I mentioned the married guy in passing. She said "Hmm...it's strange, he hasn't contacted me".

She was actually a little upset about it.

Now ask yourself this: If my friend was affected by a guy that she wanted nothing to do with....simply because he didn't contact her on her birthday...then what will you not contacting your ex on *her* birthday do to your ex?