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Pleasedonot5

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  1. Pleasedonot5
    I wish there was some way of knowing that I wouldn't be taken for granted again, that you'd be my best friend and partner in crime like in our first relationship (not the second), that you'd communicate your issues with me to me -- not social networking sites, and that you'd treat me like the prize and man that I am, then I would be less hesitant to pursuing another relationship with you.
  2. Pleasedonot5
    Thank you for your words -- I needed that for motivation. What you said is true and what I'm thinking -- I don't want it to happen again. I'm afraid it will. My recent post in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex ( )" thread highlights my insecurities perfectly. These feelings may be because I have had two reconciliations in the past with other girls that ended for the same reasons all over again, and I don't want that to happen. Getting back together isn't the hard part now, but keeping things together will be. It may be out of place here on this thread, but I feel like I've been climbing this recovery mountain with all of you, so I feel a sense of brotherhood. Does anyone have any advice towards successfully completing a reconciliation and keeping things together afterwards? If so, that would be greatly appreciated. There are some things I want her to work on before we get back together, like her "committment issues," her honesty and upfrontness about her feelings, and her friends (she's close friends with my ex ex now, and my ex ex tried to screw everything up for me post-BU, so I kind of don't want my ex to be close friends with her, but I don't know how to say this without it backfiring.). We're hanging out Thursday when we're going to talk about all of this, so I have a little breathing room to think.
  3. Pleasedonot5
    Show me that you're willing to fight for me. You're not just coming back because you miss me, you're afraid I'm moving on, or because you're lonely. Because, if you aren't willing to fight for me, then it sounds harsh but there is someone out there that would be. We had an amazing relationship that you ended, albeit for legitimate reasons, but even after you had seen how I'd improved my life and was willing to fight for you, I was still shut down. It may be just my insecurities but I feel like all this **** will happen again. I don't want to go through this again. I want to make this work but I don't want to have to give 110% to keep you from leaving me, or even have that feeling. I want to feel wanted. It should be 50/50% from the both of us, but right now maybe it should be more you working for me. You can't just break up with me and then always have me, free of charge. I hope you know that.
  4. Pleasedonot5
    Broke no-contact and am in current contact due to talk of reconciliation. I'm having doubts as to whether this is what I want now though. I want the reconciliation to be on my terms -- not hers. But, I'm afraid that I'll make myself look like an ass.
  5. Pleasedonot5
    Day 11, attempt three Good day running, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, etc. Saw the ex at a party today. I was anxious because she initially didn't show up and I wasn't prepared for that I guess. I felt a little awkward because of it. When she got there, she was affectionate, her friends were all giving her looks when she was around me, and everything was fine and then we started to act all crazy and fun like we used to. It got to a point where I was playing with her hair... I dunno but I kind of regret doing that. It got a little awkward after that, but I suppose nothing too bad. I felt a little better when a mutual friend said my ex told her she wanted to work things out (but I guess that was before the hair-playing and stuff). I hope I didn't screw things up though by hanging around with her more than I should have or by acting weird. Gahh EDIT: But, she just posted a status saying, "I'm only me when I'm with you." Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing after all. We'll see.
  6. Pleasedonot5
    Day 10, attempt 3 (wasn't able to post this yesterday) Felt fine today (well, yesterday). I had senior pictures done (which turned out pretty well btw!) and went to my relative's house for dinner. Once there, my distant cousin had his girlfriend over, and I felt a large feeling of nostalgia, but it faded and I started to have fun when we started playing card games and joking around. My thoughts lately have been focused on whether I truly want to get back together with her or not (if she brings it up). I've had two recons in the past that failed due to the same problems, and the longest didn't last for more than three months. So, I'm faced with wanting her and serious apprehension. If she initiates a reconciliation conversation, I will have to tell her these concerns of mine, and tell her what I would like her to work on. These improvements include: -Honesty -Upfrontness with her feelings, no sugarcoating, no sparing my feelings because she doesn't like fighting -An examination of the people she hangs out with (some can be VERY immature and it may have rubbed off on her. I've learned that her being friends with my ex ex is a definite no-no (she tried to screw this whole situation up for me). I would also, in the future, like her to make friends with my friends on Track, XC, etc. so we have more mutual friends) I don't think that this is too much to ask for, because I'm friends with her friends (and I will continue to pursue friendships with her friends if we're to get back together)... It just isn't/wasn't being reciprocated towards the end of the relationship. I remember at this one Track party that we went to about a week before we broke up and she didn't even try to have a good time. A matter of fact, she was texting my ex ex five minutes after we arrived there about how bored she was and about how my ex ex should come "save" her. Then, she left about an hour later. I thought that such was very immature, because even in a place where I didn't necessarily fit in before (her youth group, I'm non-religious), I still made friends with a lot of her friends. Seeing her at a party on day 11 (which really is today). I'll let everyone know how that goes!
  7. Pleasedonot5
    Day 9, attempt three Ran today in the early morning through a lightning storm... it was enthralling but a bit scary haha. Interesting run ;p Then, I didn't do much, but I've started debating again to occupy my time (although only on forums specific to debating... I've learned my lesson from this BU... no facebook debates!) but I will watch that hobby carefully to make sure that it doesn't progress badly again like it did before! Went to the gym and worked out, and that was good too Regarding my ex, she continues to try to contact me in little ways. She liked an attractive picture of me on facebook, and updated a status saying, "the most important things are so hard to say." She does have problems with being confrontational, so that's understandable. I have a reasonable feeling that she wants to reconcile, but I do not know whether she'll have the ovaries to step up to the plate and say it. If she does, I'll respect her for it, because that kind of thing has been very hard for her from the last few months of our relationship until now. If she brings it up in a direct way, then that's one of the improvements I've wanted to see out of her that I can check off of the list. I think it looks good though -- I'll probably have a harder time maintaining the recon if it is to occur. Oh yeah, and I'm seeing her at a party in a few days. I'll let everyone know how that goes. Not much pain today, and just a tad bit of confusion. Clarity is a good thing to feel for the first time in a few months. Sending hugs to anyone in pain! Keep working at healing! It feels so much better to escape from the hurt (for the most part), and eventually it will happen for all of you! Have a good night ENA (:
  8. Pleasedonot5
    Day 8, attempt three No contact again from the ex. I did get some nostalgic feelings throughout the day, but none were too painful. It seems like my ex is trying in little ways to accidently get me to notice her or get me jealous, but it doesn't really bother me anymore. Her acting weird like that to me just shows weakness or hurt. I went to a party today but it was boring. Wish I would have skipped it a little bit and gone to the gym instead for a little while.
  9. Pleasedonot5
    Day 7, attempt 3 Absolutely no contact with the ex today. My morning and first part of the day was terrible. The second part of the day I had a movie day with the girl I've been interested in. It went well but she wants to give me time to get over my ex. I respect that. I feel like I've developed some feelings for this girl. Conflicted emotions. I know my ex wants to reconcile, but she's doing a piss poor job of communicating it. I might still give her a chance if she comes around, but I'm almost at the point of no return. I can feel it...
  10. Pleasedonot5
    You're at risk of losing me and you know it. Say what you need to say and please, for the love of God, actually be open and honest about what you're feeling. I'm going on dates with this other girl. I kind of like her. I do like you more though. Quit sugarcoating everything and giving hints -- I even told you it doesn't work like that -- you have to tell men directly what you're feeling otherwise they won't know. I know you want to reconcile but you want to wait for a few weeks until after you're home from your vacations, but if you really loved me enough you would find a way to keep me even though you'll be gone. Prove to me that you want me, despite the distance, and I'll be convinced. Promising me that we might be able to work things out when you get back, or promising me a maybe just won't cut it. I am afraid of falling for this other girl I'm casually dating as things progress (slowly of course), but right now I love you. I'm not going to make it easy for you to come back to me though. I'm not a doormat.
  11. Pleasedonot5
    brick, you can make it. I know you can Feel free to PM me if you ever have a weak moment. I'm here for you! skheehee, you should be a motivational speaker or a poet. Something creative, because you have a really creative mind. I also like your analogy. Proud of your progress, man, keep it up
  12. Pleasedonot5
    Day 6, attempt 3 My ex contacted me today at about 7 P.M. while I was at XC practice. My responses shouldn't count against me in the challenge because it was reconciliation talk that she initiated. She texted me saying, "Hi ___... I'm sorry to keep dragging this thing out but I need to let you know how I'm feeling, just so we're clear. Nothing really has changed but I just want to remind you that I still love you and I miss you more than anything. Although I will be gone for the next few weeks I really believe that we may be able to work things out when I get home or something. But if you would rather move on or something else then do what is best (: most of all I just want you to be happy and I wanted to reassure you how I was feeing (: thank you for your time!" I responded, "From my point of view, it really looks like you're confused with your feelings. I really do appreciate you telling me what you've been feeling (because that was lacking towards the end of our relationship; please continue to be honest with me) but please understand that I'm not going to try to wait for someone that doesn't really want to be with me." Then she said she understood, she may be confused from seeing me at the party I threw, and repeatedly apologized for texting me. I said that it was fine and gave her advice to write her feelings down and see if they changed in the next few days. I also told her that men won't know the way she's feeling unless she tells them. She joked around about how she was bad at that and said she'd take my advice, and I teased telling her it was something she needed to work on. I then said I hoped her confusion cleared up, and she said, "Thanks, I hope it clears up as well more than anything ( So basically if it's not clear she seems to want to reconcile but is having a hard time saying it. I've been feeling good lately though, moving on, and going on some dates with this one girl and it's going pretty well. 've also been getting a lot of compliments about my body (I've been working out more), which is always nice. I'm simply more confused now than hurt... which is better than before I suppose. We'll see how this all plays out.
  13. Pleasedonot5
    Day 5, continued I checked my ex's facebook, and she posted the song "Want U Back" followed by a status two hours later saying "i need to stop screwing things up." Definitely a power shift here. I feel it. I'm very confused, but at least I don't feel much pain anymore. I'm going to keep moving on if she doesn't really make an effort to work things out, and if we talk about reconciliation, I'm going to tell her what she needs to work on if she wants to get back together with me. Things with this new girl are going pretty well though. My ex is kinda running out of time, it seems like. Beginning to move on really does have an effect on her emotions. This site really has helped me. I'll keep everyone updated on this situation!
  14. Pleasedonot5
    Day 4/5, attempt three On day 4, saw my ex and a few of her friends at a party that I threw for a little bit, and that went well. She left because she just had foot surgery and her foot was hurting her or something (or she didn't want to be there, but the party was a blast imo). After she left, the girl that I went on a date with on day three and I held hands towards the end. I think I have a small crush, but I'ma take it slow c: On day 5, my ex tried in two ways to contact me. She texted me saying, "Thanks for inviting me to the party, I had a lot of fun. (: I'm sorry we had to leave so early though... stupid foot problems lol To which I responded, "You're welcome, and I'm glad you had fun(: I hope your foot heals soon!" She replied, "Why thank you! ( and I didn't respond to that one. Later, she sent me a poke on facebook, to which I'm not poking her back. Muahahaha I feel some power coming back and it feels good. If she does want me back, I'm sorry to say this but she's running out of time. This girl that has been hitting on me is scoring some major points in my book. That said, I still do feel some pain when I think about my ex, but I'm thinking about her in a painful way less and less. It's usually when I'm made sad through external circumstances. NC after saying everything I needed to say works wonders.
  15. Pleasedonot5
    Day 3, attempt three Not much thought about my ex today. Also had a date and lots of attention from people, which helps. The date went really well too c; I'm getting used to the thought of never getting back together with her. The girl I went on a date with was fun and likes me for me. I was able to be my crazy self too, which was uplifting because I thought my ex was the only one whom I could act that way around. I think things may be looking up. EDIT: But I just looked at her Tumblr account... and she reblogged a picture that said "forever my ass," and other sad relationship stuff, as if she's somehow the victim in this? I'm probably overanalyzing. I'm going to stop looking at her tumblr now. But, she's obviously hurting. For what reason, I have no idea. This behavior absolutley bewilders me, especially since I've told her my strong feelings for her, I'm open to reconciliation, and have improved myself. I don't know how to make myself more clear?
  16. Pleasedonot5
    Day 2, third attempt Felt terrible today for reasons not related to her. I've been pretty stressed these past couple of days, but it seems like the stresses I have make me long for her company, because she would usually pick me up and make me feel awesome when I was down. The reason I felt so down is largely due to being overloaded with important stuff to do and partially due to insecurities I've been having with talking to girls lately. I need to recover and build my confidence back up. I had a planned date today, and I thought for a while I was being stood up which made me feel like crap, but the date was rescheduled for tomorrow and I feel better about it all. Hopefully I'll have a better day tomorrow.
  17. Pleasedonot5
    Day 1 redux Yes, I know. My ex contacted me yesterday (and my ex ex too! but I ignored her because she's been trying to screw me over since my ex and I broke up ;p) and I got excited. It ended well though, because we reestablished that we needed space and she told me she misses me like hell. It was good that we were still honest with our feelings like that. It looks like reconciliation could be months away, speaking rationally and realistically here. For now though, NC. Today, I was anxious for some of the middle part of the day. It wasn't caused necessarily by the thought of her, but the negative feelings in general made me long for her. It lasted for a few hours until I worked my abs and biceps out in the gym and went to a bonfire later that night. All in all, I'm doing well, although the thoughts still haunt me a little bit. The dreams have, for the most part, dwindled in emotional strength, which is probably a good sign. I'm definitely doing a lot better than I was 3 weeks ago; that's for sure. I even have a casual date with another girl tomorrow which should be fun (:
  18. Pleasedonot5
    Day 1 redux I sent a letter to my ex today explaining to her how I felt about things, because I felt that I was still a little unclear. I kept it mostly light, but it explained how I felt about her while still keeping my dignity and I kept things open for the future. Even if she completely blows me off... Hey at least I'll know and I'll understand that her feelings weren't as strong as she made it seem. But, you never know. Now, I'll know it's not any other issue but her not wanting to be with me. Whatever. I don't want someone that doesn't love me for me. I love her for her, but I'm not going to keep pursuing her if she's that shallow not to want to make anything work. If she responds, I won't count that against me if I have a small conversation with her. I also won't be posting here for a few days. Gonna run in great lakes relay with my team for a few days. We'll call it a working vacation
  19. Pleasedonot5
    I have a feeling my ex might pull that card out, albeit subconsciously. Thank you for letting me know how to respond. But, like you said, it's hard to fight for someone who only looks at you as an option in their little game. Beautiful post man.
  20. Pleasedonot5
    Day 4 Today was a bit of scrambled emotions for me. It's like, I realized that we probably won't ever get back together. I also realized that such is her problem, because I've made my intentions for her clear. Maybe I could've made my strong feelings for her clearer? I don't know. I kept myself busy today, hung out with buddies, and got myself back in the game. My body looks good and my flirting wasn't too shabby either. I just wish I knew how to make my ex more comfortable with the idea of a recon. It's weird how it seems like she feels rejected even though she's rejected me... Maybe I should tell her my feelings for her? Or should I let us fade away to nothing? I don't know. All I know is that she's missing out on someone who really loves and cares about her more than anything, and who wants to cherish her forever. Who knows, maybe I am too? No idea what's going on in her head right now. Anyways, my morning started off okay. I dreamed about her but had a second dream before I woke up that was unrelated to the situation. Still kinda sucked though. I kept myself busy but ultimately she's on the back of my mind. Before I go to bed in a little bit she's all I'm thinkin' about too. Gahh why can't I just be older and have her as a dedicated companion? Things would be perfect if she wasn't afraid of a college break-up. A random thought but I hope sometime soon her friends say that we were cute/perfect together. We really were and really still should be... Let's see what tomorrow brings to the plate.
  21. Pleasedonot5
    Day 3 Jeez. It feels like it's been a week. I can't help but think that it's all over for us. She's trying to force herself to fall out of love... I guess in a way so am I... But it shouldn't have to be like that. With her, I have the best days of my life. Sure, I'm happy and I have my mind off of things when I'm around other people, but when I'm alone usually this situation is all I an think about. My mornings still start off terribly and usually my nights end with a dream and thoughts of her. I know she's getting a little antsy though that I haven't tried to contact her in these three days, because of something I saw on facebook. I'm getting a little antsy too, because the stress is causing me to get in fights with my family...I had a complete meltdown today. But it seems like she's trying too hard to make it look like she's having fun without me, and because of a post on our mutual friend's wall, I can see through that weakness. Now I know that it's best for me to get over her. It's the only shot I have to play this game successfully and to get the power back either way. Why does love always have to be like a battlefield? I just still hope that the walk we went on a few days ago wasn't the end of our intimacy.
  22. Pleasedonot5
    Day 2 Today was a mix of emotions for me. I learned that I feel best when I'm surrounded by lots of attention, especially female attention My day started off pretty crappy... I had another dream of her (nothing new, it's happened for the past month or so now) and I couldn't get her off my mind. I ran hills with some of my running buddies, and worked out with some other people afterwards, which felt good, but that wouldn't shake my thoughts from her. I had a bit of a meltdown before I went to a party, where I just felt like I needed to get my frustration with what's going on out. It was weird, because I punched/kicked some of my softer furnature, and I'm generally a peaceful guy. After going to this party however, I realized that I'm a prize catch, with people complimenting my abs, girls showing me attention, etc. I even have one of my former dates (not officially gf) crushing on me, but I'm trying not to lead her on. Still, the attention feels nice and I was glad I could get my mind off of her. I realized that the only reason that the relationship won't work is because of her and her commitment issues. I'm open to future reconciliation for sure, but I do know that she has to be willing to make things work if they are to work. If she can't fix that, then hey I do know that I'm better than most guys out there for her, and that she's taking that for granted. If she calls/texts me, even if she wants to reconcile, I'm going to say that I want to be single for the summer and have space to think things through, but I would like to talk about reconciling when school starts, that way I have the power. I know I sound egotistic right now, but hey it's better than feeling miserable and depressed. I don't imagine that she'll text me for reconciliation (especially anytime soon because we're both busy for the summer) or if she'll initiate contact with me when school starts, but I do know that I'm probably the best guy out there for her at least in our area. By that time, I'll be even more attractive, my friendliness will increase further, and my heartbreak will be less. That said, I do still miss her and do love her deeply. Now, I'm starting to realize though, that this time is good for myself as well as us. I saw that tonight when I surround myself with fun friends -- I'm becoming a very attractive version of me again. The occasional thought pops up in my head that makes me sad, but nothing like the way I felt earlier today. I don't imagine this feeling of security and goodness will last forever, but I'm going to take things day-by-day and see how things go. Let's hope I can get good sleep tonight and not have any dreams about her that leave me miserable in the mornings.
  23. Pleasedonot5
    Day 1 This is terrible. I really miss her and want to tell her we can make us work. I want to assure her that love has no boundaries, and it's all up to her. I know she probably really misses me right now, but I can't shake the feeling that she's looking for reasons not to and is looking for ways to try to get over me. This NC is for both of us to move on, and two months is a very long time. I fear that she will move on and I will not. I fear that even if we don't move on, she'll force herself to block out any hope of a future relationship with me. And there's no fundamental problem with our relationship! All of the stress, temporary problems, etc. have calmed down and we both long for each other! God, I really don't know what's going on in her head at the moment. I just really want us to work. I hope I get sleep tonight. I was thinking about her the whole day and yesterday I didn't sleep until 5 A.M. Was yesterday's walk/talk it for our intimacy? Was that the last it will ever be? I really don't want it to be over. I keep thinking ahead to the future. Obviously our feelings for each other are strong, but I hope that our wounds heal and we're able to still have that longing for each other's company at the end of 2 months. Heck, I don't care if she hooks up with a few guys the rest of this summer, as long as it makes her miss me like kissing her rebound did.
  24. Pleasedonot5
    brickheart, Yes, I think that while there are other issues involved in our break-up, they were temporary and we've shown that we've gotten over those issues. The only reasons she said she couldn't get back together with me now were because of her commitment issues. Maybe she's afraid that this will happen again, I know she's scared we could have a college break-up next year (but I know we wouldn't because I don't think we're going to be more than an hour away from each other), and/or that things won't ever be the same. I sincerely hope that those don't keep her from pursuing a relationship with me in the future, because I know if we're both willing to make things work, they will work. There aren't really any problems in our relationship that haven't already been solved, except the abovementioned commitment issues. Right now, I'm wondering whether GIGS is still playing a large role in us not getting back together. She said she can't give a definite answer on whether we have a future together or not. She said something along the lines of that if something did happen with each other in the future, we would have to both have moved on and found love again "naturally." Now, I'm not an expert but I'm not sure if that is likely to happen without any form of reconciliation. I honestly feel like she's repressing her feelings (because I know she misses us and has feelings for me) and trying to force herself to get over me, when it doesn't have to be like that. That kind of behavior bewilders me. This is where I feel GIGS might come into play (or I suppose the space is good for the summer, because we wouldn't have any time for each other), but she already told me that she tried to start over with other guys and that none of them measure up to me. Why would someone love you, want you back, and think you're the best guy out there, but then at the same time try to force themselves not to want you, especially since the problems at the end of our relationship have been discussed and solved? Any insight would be helpful, so I can understand it better, but it's not like I can do anything right now for months anyway. We're in NC 'till the end of summer If you could help me out and understand the situation better, my story is right here: Any insights would be appreciated SS, Yeah, I'm sorry man In a way, the break-ups are good for all of us, because usually the hurt helps us grow as people, but that doesn't stop from longing for our exes' affections. It sucks more than any other emotional feeling I've yet experienced.
  25. Pleasedonot5
    Ahh, you see it's anecdotes like that that make me uneasy, because this girl and I were so crazy for each other. Like your relationship, I've never met anyone that I've been more compatible with in my life. The stress and the phases we went through (and possibly GIGS) is what tore us apart, right at the end of our relationship. I also know what you mean when you talk about your intimate interactions. On the walk yesterday, we held each other when we were having intimate moments, and it was obvious that we still long for each other. Here's to hoping that our wounds heal and yet she still longs for me as a lover a few months from now. But I guess I have to accept that we may never get back together and she may never feel the same way about me again. I guess we both know how much dealing with those thoughts sucks
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