i am 28 and been married for 3 years and 2 days (we didn't congratulate the anniversary to each other) and had a 10 year relationship with her before that during which we were separated for two years and lived together for three.
the story begins a year and a half before we got married - she moved to london for a year to study - apparently we both had a great time not being together, but when she moved back we continued dating even though it was not like it used to be. A few months later she got pregnant and, for we have been together for a very long time, we decided to get married. We married in september with the baby due in early january.
Then one day in November she came home and confessed to me that she was not sure the baby was mine (I still get short breaths from this, even right now). Being only 25 at the time and coming from a rather traditional family not looking lightly at divorce, I did not know what to do. Before I knew it the baby was there, we did tests and it, thank God, was mine.
We grew appart but continued to live together for a while (I know now that I should have split with her immediately, but...), then my father died. Having both these things on my back was too much, and we split shortly after his death.
I moved to a city one hour drive from the place we were living and started a new life - got new friends, got new interests, etc., but did not get involved with anyone. I went to see my daughter regularly, and we kept the real reason for separation for ourselves, not telling anyone. Divorce was something I wnated but just could not get myslef to do it.
Then, a year latter (or a year ago from today), she proposed we take our daughter to a vacation with no obligations. Being alone for a year took its toll and we got back together. We got back together but the thing is that I did not and stil do not trust her, even though she seems to be faithful and caring.
However, I admit I changed quite a bit so we don't even share things we had in common. I still work at the new place and only go home three or four days in a week. I love my daughter very much, but I am not happy with my wife. We dont talk much to each other - we went for a holiday and in seven days only spoke for two or three days.
All this caused me to seek support outside my marriage. In April I met this girl who is 6 years my junior, but we sort of clicked - especially cause we have similar interests and are of similar personality (I am very outgoing, while my wife is more withdrawn). We fell in love very fast and had a great time until a few weeks back. My lover's ex boyfriend, who she lived with for a while, was arrested under investigation having to do with a murder (his friend got murdered, but police cannot identify the killer, so they are keeping a few ppl till the investigation moves on...stupid really). He called her from the prison and she went to see him. She came back very upset and told me that she still has feelings for him and that she can't be with me cause she is too concerned about him, blah, blah...I just said OK.
Then she started calling me every day and we saw each other a few times, and she told me that she loves me, but is too distract to carry on the affair with me for the time being...I do care about her as well and understand how she feels, as I could not offer her a stable relationship and don't believe we could have any future together.
This story drags on, but I am very confused and unsure fo myself. I dont really care about my wife other than for she is the mother of my child - I am also scared to get divorced and not being with the child (since we did not tell the original reason for our unhappiness she told me once that if we split she will try to get full custody of the child and will deny her unfaitfhfulness). so I cannot get myself to divorce her. I just dont know what to do.
