Live-N-Learn

Day 5 of NC and doing OK. Letting go a little at a time. she made it easier on me by playing so many mind games and sending so many mixed signals.

I asked the exact same question and here is the advise I was given. I can't tell you to respond or not respond. That is your decision. If you send her the email with the wording I suggested, in my opinion you are taking the high road, and you appear mature and classy. Fake it till you make it and start with mature, adult communication - no blaming, no "look what you are doing to me, I can't take this anymore". You are taking responsibility for your own emotions and your own life by calming and rationally removing yourself from the situation that is causing you pain. But you don't have to let HER know this. All she has to know is that you are in control of your life and YOU are making a decision to stop contact, and because you had a relationship with her and you respect her as a fellow human being, you are letting her know in a kind, respectful, human way that you will no longer be in contact. You don't have to stoop to her level. This way you are getting your power back and you are no longer in that dreaded one-down position. If you want to send her that email, the strong and self preserving thing to do is to THANK her for the time you spent together, give her the freedom she wanted she broke up with you by telling her you want time apart by agreeing with the break up, and then TRULY disappearing into full and complete No Contact. I am on day 4 of NC, I reach out to her today and sent her and email out of respect and wanting to take the higher ground. Here is what I said. Hey ex, it’s been a lot of fun hanging out with you this past month or so. I have been doing some thinking and think we both need some time apart from each other. There are some goals in my life that I want to accomplish and did not want you to think I was being rude since I have not reached out to you since Monday. After a lot of thought, I think it was the right thing for us to break up and now I think it's time for us to go our separate ways. Who knows, in the future, maybe we can reconnect at some point. In the meantime, I really do wish you the best of luck and happiness in your life. So it's really your call. Either way is OK...it will have the same effect long term.

You are the worst for me now... I can't believe all you have put me through the past 3 months since we have been broken up. How can you leave me for another guy and then now want to hang out all the time but only throw me bread crumbs. I am so stupid for caring this much about you. You hang with me Friday and Saturday night and say yea we can be * * * * dating. Then you don't come home with me either night. Then we go to the zoo yesterday and you won't even hold my hand. Why won't you tell me how you really feel about me and what you want? These mind games are too much for me. I am always trying to guess what you are thinking. You are killing me inside. I quit. I will not contact you again. I will try my best to move on to someone that can share there feelings with me and wants me in there life. Yesterday was horrible for me. I can not be around you anymore because you won't be honest with me and share your feelings. I really want to call you and ask you to tell me the truth but you won't. I hate you for using me and keeping me around but never letting me know where I stand. Now it is time to say goodbye cuz you are not coming back. You are just keeping me around for comfort and a make out session at the bar. I am worth so much more!!! I have decided I want a new gf. I do not want to keep holding onto you and not able to move on. I must now say goodbye

I have nothing more to say. I am now NC and will stay that way forever. I will not break down. You know where you stand with me and I know I was the best thing that ever happened to you. I agree you were for me too. I know you are now trying to decide if you want to come back or not. Well I have done all I can and have ended it right. We had a great time our last two nights together when I told you I was going NC after your birthday. Now its time for you to miss me and I will see if I am the one or not. If you don't come back then it was not as special as you said it was. Either way it is not a big deal. I know how special I was even if you don't come back. You have never had a connection with another man like you have with me. We were perfect together. To bad I messed it up. Bad timing LOL But I fixed all that I we got back the good times. So what the h.ll at least if it ends, it ended on a high note and we went out the right way. We both get to remember the good times and will not be haunted by the breakup and all the bad things that were said. I thank you for finally admitting your fault in the breakup and telling me as well you are more difficult to understand than you thought. Maybe you are growing up and this time of NC will be the best thing ever. I know you miss me and are probobly thinking of me right now. it's only been 2 days of NC but I promise you, you will miss me as time goes on. I will not break NC. You will either come back or we will never talk again. I went out the right way and will not mess it up by contacting you. You know the doors is wide open if you want to come back. We really did have a great realationship apart from the one thing I had to fix. I know it was a big deal but it is not there anymore. The ball is now in your court, I am just not going to let you decide how the game will be played. I went NC on you. So now you can not send me anymore mixed signals. You either come back or nothing. Hope to hear from you but if not it's our loss. Not just mine. its will be ours.

So my dearest... so your birthday is next week and we are having our last time out together tomorrow night before I going completely NC most likely forever. I have to admit, I am looking forward to seeing you for the last time. It has been 3 weeks since we hung out together but we both know it has to end because we both want different things. You want friendship I want more. Truthfully I am not sure you know what you want with all the mixed signals you have sent me the past 3 weeks. But it really doesn't matter at this point. What is cool is that even though I want you back I am not panicky and feel I can get through this because we are ending as we are. Most couples that end do not get the chance to end like us. I am excited about going out dancing and drinking with you tomorrow and giving you your present. I know you still have feelings for me and may some day decide you want to come back. I am not holding out for that and am starting my healing process by going NC. You know where you stand. I told you if you want to come back we can talk and if not don't contact me. I will be back if I am ok with being just friends. I believe you respect me even more now because I have said goodbye. I am happy I am going out on a high note. I will at least be able to walk away as you will with a bunch of good feelings about the other person. I am so thankful I have made this choice and not agreed to just be friends but was honest with you about what I wanted. You know I will make sure tomorrow before we part ways for the last time that you know you have two options. You can come back as my girl and see what happens or we can go back to the way it was in the beginning of our relationship and be FB's and that I am ok with that. you date who you want to date and I will date who I want to date. If you want to go out and have fun and then back to my house for some fun cool. If you dont want either of those don't call. Well it will be an interesting night for sure If you stand me up I will be pissed. I don't think you will.

I really enjoyed our talk yesterday even though I told you I was going NC for an indefinite amount of time and to not contact me. I had no choice my dear you have sent me too many mixed signals and I no longer could deal with it or allow you to wrench at my heart. The hour we spent on the phone really helped me have closer and feel special to you once again. I did not think you would except the tagged photos I had put on FB and MySpace of us kissing and hanging out so long ago. You suprised me! I really was shocked to see that after our talk you went o your MySpace and moved me from not even being on your top 35 friends to number 6! Wow, I guess I should have cut you off sooner! LOL Now it is over i have done what I must and now I can try to start healing. I no longer will be looking at the clock knowing it's your lunch or break or time to get off work hoping for a call or text. I now must try to not keep looking at your updates on FB. I will miss you and I hope someday to be able to come back into your life as a friend. I really don't know and am feeling it wont happen. Doubt if I start dating someone they will want me being close to my x. So anyway, this is it. time to let you go and except it's over. I know I did the right thing telling you not to contact me. it is just going to be hard for awhile not hearing your voice or laughing with you on the phone,.

I loved you so much my dear. I feel the loss everyday of not being that special guy in your life any longer that you call on your breaks and after work as you walk to your car. the morning texts to say morning sweetie. The wrestling matches as we laugh our butts off and playfully flirt as we look into each others eyes. O how I miss the connection we had as we would dance and party with our friends. The smile on your face the kind hearted acts of bringing me food and driving over to see me even though you needed to do laundry, it could wait I was more important. Then the day came when you decided I was not any longer what you wanted. that I was not making you feel special enough. You had given your all and I was not in the same place yet with you. I am sorry my dearest, I was not there yet. It had only been 5 months, I had been divorced, Had just broke up with a girl I was dating not long before we met and I still had some feelings her. I was getting over her and you really were becoming the most special one to me. If I could only turn back the clock. Why such bad timing! If we would have met later I would have been where you were at at the same time. Now we talk or text often but see each other very little. I really did have fun two weeks ago with you at the party dancing and pushing each other around. You looking for me all over the room and ignoring your friends to spend time with me. Only dancing with me all night. Falling asleep in my lap in the car for two hours was a gift from God. I never wanted that moment to end. Holding you felt so perfect. I really have been struggling to let you go but I know I must. You have chosen at this time not to come back and want to be friends and see what happens. I know you dating other guys on and off cuz you told me so. I wish I had more time with you I believe I could win back your heart. I guess that is not what you want. I really wish you would not have sent me that text Saturday night telling me you miss me and your listening to a song that reminds me of you. So we talk today and you want to hang out one night this week. I know I will go but how will it be? Can I control myself and be cool and fun, or will I be a wimp and tell you how much I want you back. I am a little afraid to see you. Part of me wants to go and try to point out to myself all the things wrong with you so that I can protect my heart. I doubt it will help much. I hope you feel a connection with me and start having a desire to come back. I want to let go but you give me hope. Maybe I am a fool but I just cant let go yet. I miss you baby and want you back. I know that not many people get back together after what I put you through not caring enough when you did. But I am there now and maybe it is too late. You may not ever be able to trust your heart to me again. So I chose to suffer to continue to show you how much I care in hopes you will come back and believe me. We had something pretty special, like nothing I have ever had before. I hope you feel it to. You are an amazing woman and I am going to try to be your friend and not push the issue or even talk about us getting back together. You have to be the one to do that. You know where I stand the next step is yours. I hope I can do the friend thing until you either come back or get in a relationship. Then I will be able to let go. I really wonder what your thinking about me. How you are feeling. Do you have a part of you that might come back? I really wish I knew. You send me so many mixed signals. I will be happy when this whole process is over.