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OptomisticGirl

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Everything posted by OptomisticGirl

  1. OptomisticGirl
    Forgot. Day 8. Had a weak moment last night, called my mom at about 1 in the morning and cried. It helped. Was tempted to call or write a letter but now I'm okay. It's been awhile since I cried about him so I guess a cry every now and then is okay. got the whole rest of the day to go. geez.
  2. OptomisticGirl
    Thank God my ex hates Facebook. lol I don't have to deal with that... Well, he has this gamebattles thing for when he had internet to play xbox live and I still know the password so I log in every now and then. Probably shouldnt.. but... never said I was perfect lol
  3. OptomisticGirl
    Day 9 Personal best. I went a little crazy yesterday with over thinking our conversation but I had a good cry and I am good to go! Bobby C, I know what you mean. It's not the companship.. sometimes it is. But tonight, it was him. It was just him I missed.
  4. OptomisticGirl
    Did I ever tell you that I sometimes sat there and just looked at you without you knowing, thinking to myself, "How did I get so damn lucky to have such a great guy be in love with me? Not pretend, puppy dog love but REAL, emotionally love." Did I never tell you that? I'm sorry I didn't. I should have. Do you remember our last vacation to the beach in May. You know, the one where the dead bird washed up between us when we were the ONLY two people on the entire beach? lol I remember sitting there, watching you trying to beat my score on that stupid Mario game on our DS with the bombers and I remember thinking how I loved you with all your faults and your video game obsessions. That you were mine and I couldn't imagine my life wtihout you. Why did I never tell you these things?
  5. OptomisticGirl
    Day 7. Ex contacted yesterday and I was okay, handled it pretty well. Then i got to thinking about something he did with our cats without asking and I got so mad last night. Was pretty mad today at work but finallly talked it out. Didn't call yesterday or today, even after he called. I did text his mom's phone but that was regarding the cats. I don't count that as breaking NC. It's not like I texted him i miss you or something like that. I have a migrain from over thinking our conversation (which I promised I wouldn't do but I did). No real urge to call. I dreamed about him all night last night. I wasn't ready to break NC yesterday (which I didn't, he called me and I didn't know it was him). Next time he calls, i will not pick up. I refuse. I am here for anyone. Pm if you need my cell or facebook or whatever. I am always needing someone to talk to late at night!
  6. OptomisticGirl
    M, You called today. I'm trying so hard not to over think into it. It took 6 days of me going NC for you to call. Your mom could have been out of minutes, yes. But if you wanted to call badly enough, you would have before now. I still can't believe you just gave your sister our cats without asking me. before you did anything with them you were suppose to ask me. And don't throw that * * * * up that you had no way of contacting me. You haven't magically forgotten my number. You could have called from a friend's phone or your sisters and asked me. I don't care if the kids get attached to the cats, they are MINE. You were suppose to hold them and not do anything with them until you talked to me. So YOU can call your sister and explain the situation. I don't care.
  7. OptomisticGirl
    wow. Great job!
  8. OptomisticGirl
    To keep up with this, I have had no NC for 6 days. He called today about 2 hours ago. I kept it brief. The whole story is in the healing section so I won't go back into it. I feel pretty good that I ended the call and in a small way let him know I wasn't moping around for him.
  9. OptomisticGirl
    That was beautiful.
  10. OptomisticGirl
    Naw, I sent a text to my ex's mom's prepaid phone that once Sat and once sunday that I needed money for his part of the bill and I didn't count that as breaking NC bc I didn't actually CALL and that's all I said in the test was about the power bill.
  11. OptomisticGirl
    Yea, wish I had a man that would boost my ego lol It must universal because my day 5 sucked. I had never made it past day 2 before (thought I had no willpower) but I was doing fine yesterday and then I remembered this stupid story about us in my head. I was making my aunt a PB&J yesterday and as I got the jelly out the memory slammed me like a ton of bricks. In our very first apartment, about 2 years ago, I was making him some PB&J's. Now I don't eat jelly, being a picky eater, so I HATED putting the jelly on his. At the time I was putting it on top of the peanut butter instead of the other piece of bread (I don't eat it so how would I know??) so I was standing there and was like screw this, put the lid back on the jelly (full jar, btw) and chucked it in the trash. I yelled to him in the bedroom that we were out of jelly. He jumps up, walks in there, and goes right to the trash can! He KNEW how much I hated putting that stupid jelly on. At first he was shocked that I would actually throw away a whole jar of jelly away just so I wouldn't have to put it on but then we laughed. So that memory triggered an urge to all which I resisted by calling my mom and getting on here and posting. And I made it. It's the beginning of day 6. Will be day 7 at midnight and will be the longest we have ever went without ANY form of communication since his basic training. I need a strong drink
  12. OptomisticGirl
    I'm glad to hear NC works for some. I am only on day 6 with no word in a week from him and me not calling in the last 6 days. God give me the strength...
  13. OptomisticGirl
    why havent you called? do you not miss me or love me anymore? do you not care enough about me to just call and say hi, how are you? how are you handling this? do i not deserve that after 4 years of love? how are you handling this so easily? i miss you. why do you not miss me?
  14. OptomisticGirl
    Day 5 almost day 6. I am sitting here looking at my cell phone. Seconds ago I got this urge to call him. I unlocked the phone and hit his moms speed dial number and just sat there and looked at her name on the screen. I think exited out and came here. I WILL NOT BREAK NC!!!! I just want him back. I miss him and I love him and I can't imagine my life without him. I can not call, I can not call. If he wanted to talk to me he would have called by now. so what if he doesn't have minutes on his mom's prepaid phone? If he wanted to talk he would have called. No need for me to call and it not be picked up. No need to send a text. This isn't an emergency. I need to plug my phone up, shut it off, and watch tv. I will not call.
  15. OptomisticGirl
    Still on day 5. I must say today I haven't had the urge to call him like I have the other days. I need the money for the bill by Wednesday but I will not call. I'll send one more text (which I am debating about) tomorrow and that will be it. If I don't hear from him I'll have to pay the bill and then the next time he deciedes to contact me, he'll have to owe me the money. Even though I haven't had the urge to call him today, I have looked at my phone probably every half hour. I'm still expecting a call. I just want to get through one week of NC. Part of me is saying you already have your answer since there has been no call from him and another is saying give it more time...
  16. OptomisticGirl
    i miss you so much right now. in this moment i can feel your hand on my lower back, that special place i loved for you to rub. you were always warmer then me (in body heat) and i loved your hand on my back. in this moment i fee hope. i feel like we could make it. that all those moments together will prevail and your love for me will win. why havent you called? do you think about me inbetween sleep, work, and playing your xbox? do you cry yourself to sleep thinking about me? do you ever cry at all?
  17. OptomisticGirl
    Day 5. Today isn't over yet but so far, I have done pretty good. That and only being awake for an hour. I dreamed about him all last night. I don't remember much but I remember in one I just couldn't find a place that felt like home (we had lived together) and I woke up with that feeling. Wasn't too good. All the contact I have had is 2 texts, one on Sat. one on Sun. about a bill that is due Wed. He still has some of myself and me his stuff and no call to exchange them yet. But I will not call. He has a prepaid min. phone. If he wanted to call he would. He's probably eyeball deep on his xbox live with the girl he has been playing with who I'm pretty sure he has a crush on, even though she lives 9 hours away and he has no car. NC is so complicated. I didn't start my days over when I texted him bc we had the situation where we lived together and I still need money for his part of the bills. I'm going to keep on counting NC until I call him.
  18. OptomisticGirl
    I miss you. I miss everything about you. Everthing. I miss us. Why can't we try? Why can't we try and save us? Am I asking too much?
  19. OptomisticGirl
    Day 4.... Dreamed about him, somehow last night. And when telling funny stories to people he is in them because we had 4 years of memories. And in telling those stories it made me so sad... I don't want to break NC. I might have to because I need his part of the money for a bill and its no excuess to not break NC but it's pretty important. But I texted his mom's phone last night and haven't heard anything. And if he wanted to get a hold of me he would have, right? I just have to keep thinking that.
  20. OptomisticGirl
    3rd day I guess I'll try. I mean, I have been on NC on my own for the last 3 days which is why I put 3 days. The only contact was me texting his mom's phone that I needed his part of the power bill. (we lived together and are still splitting the bills that were left over) So I will not contact him UNLESS it is about a bill or something to do with my cats which he has because they cant come with me where I am at. How do I feel today? ....better. I feel a little stronger. I still have those moments where I miss him like crazy or I remember a memory or just because Christmas is right around the corner and I think to myself one call won't hurt... so I gave my cell to my aunt when I started feeling like that and hopped on over here lol I'm hoping he will call about something to do with the bills so I can just be like, "is that all? I am kind of running late to a tango lesson right now!" Day 3... 27 more to go!
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