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OptomisticGirl

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Everything posted by OptomisticGirl

  1. OptomisticGirl
    I have hope for us again baby and that scares me so much. You have such power over my heart and it scares me. I want you, I want you back in my arms and to be in yours but I'm so afraid. You may be starting to realize what you walked away from.. even said you felt like you had turned your back on me, which you pretty much did... I'm giving you space still.
  2. OptomisticGirl
    You called today. I didn't even know the number but when I saw it, I knew it was you. Odd how that works... I had gotten to the point of thinking you wouldnt call and poof, you call. It was a great conversation. You said so many things I have been waiting to hear.. still not the 'lets give this another go around' but, it's progress.... I didn't tell you I missed you when you told me. I was so scared. I do miss you though. And God help me I still love you...
  3. OptomisticGirl
    My living situation changed so I did call to let him know I could take the cats. No one picked up so I sent a text. I'm not counting this as breaking NC because I had to get a hold of him, I didn't call just because I couldn't take it anymore. Some may not see it that way, but, right now I feel strong. We will see how long this feeling lasts.
  4. OptomisticGirl
    Day 17 sucks. Today is not a good day.
  5. OptomisticGirl
    day 16 I believe... wanted to call him today. Really started second guessing NC today. I don't know. I couldn't stop thinking about him.. wondering what he is doing. If he misses me. I'm over half way to 30 days. And once I reach that I will see if I'm strong enough and if not, it will be another 30 days.
  6. OptomisticGirl
    I'm sorry for everything. I wish I could tell you. I wish you would listen, and really understand that I am sorry. I wish you would call.
  7. OptomisticGirl
    I was woken up this morning by the weather here. Odd how moving an hour away can drastically change the weather... it was raining hard and the wind was howling. I tried to open the patio door and couldn't. Once I did, it looked like tornado weather. Didn't help matters that the tv said we were under a tornado warning, meaning one had touched down. Is it odd that the first thing that popped into my mind was oh god, I'm going to die and never tell him how much I love him again........ I wonder if you ever have moments like that..
  8. OptomisticGirl
    Thanks!
  9. OptomisticGirl
    Day 14. TWO WEEKS!!!! I have never went this long not contacting him by own free will. I feel impowered. I had the urge to call last night because I was lonely and I said no.. I have come to far. I will do NC. I will. I will. I will!!!
  10. OptomisticGirl
    Day 13 begins. I have never went this long without calling him. I wonder if he notices.... When do the constant thoughts stop?
  11. OptomisticGirl
    it wouldn't surprise me if you were with someone else already, or seeing someone. Kendra said she thought you had went out but she couldn't be sure. I handled it then but to know you are actually with another woman... I know I'm not ready for that. That will set me back. I don't have the urge to call you but I think about you every second of every day and miss you just as much. I want to move on, I really do... and in a way I'm excited about getting back out and dating. But it's only been a little over a month since we broke up....... I need something, anything to get my mind off you though and the fact you haven't called in almost a week. I wonder if you still love me...
  12. OptomisticGirl
    Day 12. Went to the movie with a friend.. not a date... thought of him the whole time but I'm okay. No urge to call.
  13. OptomisticGirl
    I went to a movie tonight. Not a date, just with a friend. The entire time I sat there and thought of all the special movies we went and saw. I remember the first year of our relationship we never actually watched the movie because we couldn't keep our hands off each other!!! I remembered how I use to lean on you and whisper to you. I wish we had went to them more toward the end... I wonder if you think about me when your doing something we use to do...
  14. OptomisticGirl
    Day 12. Dreamed about him all night. Woke up thinking about him. I even dreamed that we were haning out, started making out, and then I asked him if he was sure about his decision and he said yes. So yea... I'm okay, just can't stop thinking about him.
  15. OptomisticGirl
    I dreamed of you last night, and of course when I woke up, I could smell you. I could feel you embracing me. This technique I used to get through your basic training, is NOT helping now. Do you know that I sleep with Mad Kitty every night? Do you remember that she was the first gift you ever gave me, for our 1 month anniversary, 4 years ago?
  16. OptomisticGirl
    Day 11. I dreamed about him all night long. Geez. Can't I get any rest in my sleep now?? I have to work today so that should help. I really don't have that much of an urge to call him the last few days... I just still miss him a lot and am always thinking about him. Maybe that's progress.
  17. OptomisticGirl
    stay strong girl. We can get through this!!!!
  18. OptomisticGirl
    Almost day 10. Was doing good the last few days.. now I'm wondering why he isn't calling yet.
  19. OptomisticGirl
    Day 9 of NC is okay. thought about him constantly but, what is new? I'd almost wish for some other guy to come along and distract me as sad as it sounds. It's been 3 days since he called and the next time I won't pick up.
  20. OptomisticGirl
    Do you remember the first time I went to the beach in my entire life? You took me. We went down for your family's reunion and we were both 18. I had never seen the ocean before in my life and I remember as you pulled on to the street that headed straight for it, I saw this huge, blue mass in front of me. You later told me you looked over and I had the face of a child, so happy and delightful. You always made fun of me when I would get childish and excited over anything, but deep down you told me you loved it. You always called me dork and laughed. Do you remember my faces in those moments? I wish I could have held them longer. I wish I could have given you more of those then of me being so angry all the time.
  21. OptomisticGirl
    day 9 I work today so that will help, I guess. When I talked to him on day 6 he said he'd call back the next day. I wasn't expecting him to so I guess it's good he didn't.
  22. OptomisticGirl
    Have you noticed that I haven't called in over a week? when we were together I couldn't go a few hours without hearing your voice, or having something funny to tell you. Have you blind to the fact, or are you sitting there just as miserable as I am, wondering when I'm going to call?
  23. OptomisticGirl
    You can do it BobbyC! That's almost 2 weeks!
  24. OptomisticGirl
    Do you realize what you have thrown away? Do you know that there is not another woman in this world that could put up with the BS you put me through? How many women are going to remember the man you were after you screw up, and stay with you? do you realize you threw the best thing in your life away? I am a great catch for any guy. Yea, I feel overweight and not as attractive as I once was but I am a wonderful person. any man would be lucky enough to have me on his arm, and to love him. I hope you realize what you walked away from before it's not here anymore. Every day I grow stronger, every day that goes by I know I can make it. And that's one more day I am less likely to want you back. I do want you back, more then anything. I want us, I want you. But in my heart I know there will come a day where I won't be so happy to try to start over... and I'm not settling for less then everything. I hope you realize this.
  25. OptomisticGirl
    still day 8... God. I don't have the urge to call him but I'm missing him. And wondering. And still loving him.
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