redsuede

First time with a girl? Is this something that you have wanted to do deep down for awhile? Is it because of just one girl or is it just girls in general> The first time for me was very uncomfortable, but now I consider myself a lesbian, no men for me.. sooooo.... It all depends if you are just wanting to experment or if you know deep down this is you. Good luck with it.

First of all, have any of you been cheated on? IF you have, you know its the worst ride of your life. For you not to say anything is living a relationship that is a LIE. Your poor partner has no say in if they want to still be in that relationship, you have taken your partners decisions away and making up their mind about it by staying quiet for YOUR OWN selfish gain. That is wrong and NEVER okay!.. If you went to your partner and said the truth and that you love them, they will see that you are trying to come clean to make a clear path for the two of you, otherwise, the truth will ALWAYS come out.. Plus that if you are a moral person with a conscience, Your guilt will rot at you and thats not good either.. Come clean. You made a mess, now go clean it up.. You will feel much better for it, and it may stregnthen your relationship in the long run.. Not trying to be harsh, but come on people.. quit the selfish rationalizations.

Only people who tend to cheat would say that this is not infedelity. First of all, it was a secret. WHY?? cause he was doing something he knew was wrong. Second of all, was there sexual talk? Well, there you have it.. This is more common than people think. I had the pleasure in my last relationship to have infedelity in all sorts of areas, and this is one of them. I agree with the last person, re-evaluation is a must here, and it could just get worse.. i hope not for your sake, but this hurts just as much as if they were doing this in person.. That is what matters isnt it? Trust, fidelity, and enough caring and respect for that other person is a must in a relationship. he did none of that with these actions.

I have never admitted this to strangers until now. YOU JUST SET YOURSELF UP>... Let me just tell you. I had a partner for 5 years and the same exact situation enfolded in my lap. I too agreed what you did, and you know what happened? It didnt end there.. It actually got thrown in my face that I was too controlling asking questions about if anything had happened. Then after that, i was sure that my mate would see the error of that, nope.. another one came along. and 3 months later (which is now) she is sleeping with a married man in a very prominant religion here.

I am struggling every minute I am awake to make it to the next minute, but I want to do this. I have had a very cruel time of this, and it all just comes back to being my fault.

Please, please take my advice.. Try to turn this around before its too late.. But moreso.. do you really want someone who you can no longer trust.. she has cut you in half with words to this other man. she is going to be sleeping with this other man.. do you really trust her now? Dont you want to be with someone who wants to be with just you, and not only that, most people think its a special thing to think that the person they are with is the only person they have been with. Not many people can say that one. so I dont understand that reasoning..

Please rethink this relationship.. She is not worth it anymore.. "someone who cant see what you are worth, doesnt deserve you"

I completely disagree with most of the posts here. I call bull on most of this. EVERYONE makes heir own decisions here and he has been in this marraige where he didnt get his needs filled either, did he go and cheat or even allow her to think he was going to cheat. NO. That is her choice, her bad, and its emotional abuse to even cause that much havok on someone, its like saying to someone your worst fear may come true at any moment. I wont leave though..

MY advice.. take your self respect back. She said it in the beginning.. She is going to focus on herself and "that feels like the right thing to do" Well, wouldnt we all be in troubled relationships if we all just looked at everything we want, and not care enough about the other person to see that we are causing the ultimate hurt there is. Infedelity. Why is everyone saying it was him who should be trying to figure out this mess that it must have been something he has done.. Bull. Truth is she is probley a very selfish, self absorbed person who wants to put the blame on you so that she can feel no guilt when whatever person she is fantasizing about enters the picture, if that hasnt happened already, and if it was up to her, it would have happened by now.

YOu sound like a good guy, you even admitted YOUR faults in your first post. That would not happen to someone who is not looking at thier faults. You deserve better, and the pain you are going to feel WHEN this cheating thing does happen is even worse than what you feel now... GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT>>> and take what self respect you have with you. NO one deserves to have the emotional abuse that you are accepting. You are worth more.. YOu gave her years of your faithfulness and team work. she is throwing it all away cause she lost a few pounds and eats no dairy or meat.. She will see better of you anyway, if you have enough self respect to go , no i am not worth what you are treating me like.. Please take steps to take care of you. YOu are doing the best you can with what you have to work with.. My thoughts are with you.. dont give up, just give up the fantasy that she is going to come to you and say she is sorry..She wont do that until she has had her fill, and that is toooooo much pain for anyone to deal with.. self absorbed people will give you as much pain as they can as long as they are happy, they wont budge on a dime. I have gone through a lot what you have been through, if you ever want to talk about this, doesnt matter how much, let me know... ITs not a fun road you are walking down.

I feel so bad for you that you are going through this. You know what. You need to start by establishing NC. This woman cheated on you, brought this man in your home while you were clueless. She is not good. She is toxic to you and you deserve better. Focus on you and what makes you happy.. hearing from her and after what happened is bound to make you feel scattered. Try to focus on you and not what she thinks. She is not thinking of you. She has moved on and even if she did come back, she has ultimately betrayed you. You deserve better. Once you establish NC, you will have urges that are strong to contact her.. Wait it out. The feeling will go away. If you can be strong and retraining your brain to be healthy, it will cut down this tramatic time for you. You derserve better.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation.. Your situation is very delicate and its so hard to see what you are really in when you are sitting right there in the middle of it. I see you getting very hurt in this situation.. If you do some reality checks, you will see this for yourself too. She has said she wants to be as carefree as possible. What is that? this is coming from someone whom you have been together with and have established a relationship with. Are these words of someone who is commited? No! Also, now she knows that she can do this, you bet there will be another time if this carefree time doesnt go like she wants this. YOu will be on a string again. You need to realize that this is your life and you going through this suffering is doing you no good, in fact, its toxic! Establish NC is best and during that time, get to know you and "be protective of yourself" dont worry if she comes back or if she doesnt ( I know that is hard hard hard) but once you start focusing on you, it wil come easier everyday. Do you really want to be with someone who tossed you aside so quickly? Dont get tripped up on her saying you are amazing. She sees you as being amazing, but really, you are damaging yourself for her to see you are amazing. Its not worth it.. That is a huge price for you to pay for this girl who wants nothing other than to be carefree. There are lots of people out there who want their cake and eat it too.. I hope I wasnt so blunt. I just really feel for your situation.. Good luck.

You know what it sounds like to me is that she is keeping you on a string "just in case" People are capable of very cruel things. The thing you need to focus on is how do you feel around her? Are you confused, do you feel scattered? Does your gut really want to be with her, or do you find yourself saying you are done? Listen to yourself. Only focus on what you feel you need and not what she needs or is going to think by your actions. She has a hold on you and you need to regain yourself back..NC is the best thing to do while you get your head in order. She has clearly stated that she views you as a friend, and even though that hurts, take pride in knowing you dont deserve to be jerked around. Find yourself first, then find the one who will stick around forever.

For whatever its worth I am sorry for the emense pain you have been through.. I KNOW its a pain you have to go through to understand the depth of the pain, and the psychological trauma that goes with it.

I just got out of a 5 year relationship and chose to compete with all sorts of people 10 years younger. My self esteem was non existant.. but I too am making the climb of a healthier life for me. I am not going to be treated the way and it sounds like you are doing the same.. BTW, i did change my phone number and it is the BEST thing I ever did. I dont go home and obsess if my ex was going to call, or should I be this or that.. I gave myself the gift of going home and resting after all the havok. Best of luck to you.. No one deserves to be cheated on, and you just need to trust your GUT, not your heart.. It wont lead you astray.

Well, Let me tell you all (as I tell myself the same thing, because my ex is in love with someone that is at work and to top it off the other person just got married and is mormon. BUT.. back to you guys... First of all, its all in what you allow yourself to think. Does this person make you feel good about yourself? If not, Then you should walk away, you should put yourself your first priority, PERIOD. These women are all messed up that you talk about and deserve ZERO respect, sorry, I just think when you mess up other peoples lives because you dont know what you really want, that is not respectable to me. I am making myself go on with my life and realize that I am not worth how this person makes me feel. There are certain things in life for you to look at.. There is such thing as fate, BUT the only thing that makes a happily ever after is being with someone who shows you that they love you back as much.. These people you are talking about are only insecure people with no direction in their lives.. Seeing healthiness is being healthy and cut these people out of your life.

I hear you. I understand completely, and to tell you the truth, I havent read another post that has been so much like my story, so I wanted to cry when I read yours. I have been away from the person I have been with for a month now, and I am doing okay this time. Usually I am on the floor crying because I have been so controlled by the extreme cruelity that has been placed on me. I found that if I keep telling myself over and over again that its been a lie, its helped me so much. It was a lie and the guys is right, it is easy for them to move on after messing our life up sooo bad. You are the decent human here, not him. Plus that I really believe what goes around comes around.. Karma rears its head always. I am sorry that you have gone through this kind of agony, and this too shall pass, Just realize that you are in agony over something that was not real. He masterminded you. Keep telling yourself over and over again that you deserve better, and if you feel like talking to someone who understands, feel free to email me at email removed.

I have been going through this whole thinking process and exactly what you are dealing with for 5 years. I have found the key for me anyway. First of all, I deserve better. I know this. I read on here once that someone who doesnt know how much you are worth does not deserve you. Second of all, what is that? He dumps you, gives you some excuse so that he can do what he wants, calls you and says he misses you, Girl, obviously you meant something to him or he wouldnt call and try to keep you on a string. It feels good to cut that string and KNOW you are worth more. If you can control your thoughts and keep it focused on how you are being treated then it makes things a lot different. Do you really want to get back with someoene who treats you like this? this is just reality and a gift for you to see what he really is capable of. You go find someone who will look after you, not throw you aside.

I have been through a lot of what you have been through on this one. let me just tell you that you didnt deserve what happened to you. I see that you were there for her during her tramatic times, and finding ways to make her feel better. She left you. Just like that. Nothing inbetween the lines. Sometimes you just need to say to someone that you are worth more that what they think you are. Give yourself respect back. You are not being fair to yourself if you wait around for her. I know you have already been through intense pain over this. She had used you if you think about it in so many ways. Your best interest is not at her heart. Take time to greive and cry, and then pick yourself up and remember no matter what your situation is, you have made way for someone to come in and sweep you off your feet, just like you tried with her. Be good to yourself first.

Love is a great thing, when two people can share together the love that they feel for eachother. If someone hits you, they cant love you. Period. You deserve to have someone love you and appreciate you in their life, and if you find that you have to jump through hoops and bend over backwards a good part of the time, then you know you found someone who has a different agenda. Everyone in this situation says things like, "but you just dont know us together" No one ever says that there are not good times. Take your self esteem and if she comes back, I do believe everyone deserves a second chance, just give your heart first priority. Be good to yourself.