redsuede

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear your situation. I really am. How are you now that you have moved? I bet you were so torn apart. Do you have a support system? It dumbfounds me that there are truly people out there that can just wreck lives and not care. Move on and not see or want to see just what they have done.. You should not have been a victim of that. Feel free to contact me anytime if you need to talk.

Hey Terk.. That is horrible.. You just need to know that you did an awesome thing. That is incredible to be so selfless. I am sorry that she doesnt appreciate you and what you do. Things will get better. I like that what you said about Today being the day to start a new beginning.. I think I want to join you!!!! Thanks..

Hey Hope.. If you dont mind me asking.. how did you get away? BTW, thank you very much for your words. I NEEDED to hear that.. yes, I do feel like it is all my fault. I really tried to be perfect.. I mean it too. Of course it would back fire, because I would literally tell myself I HAVE TO.. To avoid any problems.. I thought I could do the impossible..

Wow.. Thank you. Its refreshing to hear that it will all get better, and hear the words of support.. I try not to post about myself, but I am glad I did.. I needed this!!!

we were together 7 years..

Thank you Terk...That really helped a lot.. Thank you.

Well, to make a really long story short, I have been the most pathetic person on the face of the planet.. Now I am getting just a thread of self esteem and not wanting to get hurt anymore.. Been cheated on a few times in 7 years, also hit, kicked... verbally abused.. and I just got left and dumped again a month ago. I was so glad at first, and still am I guess. Its just now that I am feeling scared, and mad that I am in this situation once again.. Moving, relocating, readjusting.. This is my fault because I have allowed it over and over again..Why the heck would I think that we were so special? She doesnt feel the same, and said she never has.. 7 years down the drain..

Was feeling "fine" innitially.. Now, I feel like someone has hit me over the head with a sledge hammer.. Its getting real hard. I got some advice a few weeks ago to do complete NC.. Of course I didnt listen too well, I did no contact on my end..

We went to close the house, I cried. Everytime I see her, I turn in to a mess.. A huge mess. When she is not around, I start doing fine again.

What I can say is that I REALLY dont want her back, and that is good, because it really is true that when you maintain contact, it makes it easier for them to move on,.... and harder for you to get off the fense.

Anyway, I finally cried this morning about all of this.. I am so mad, I am so upset..How could she do this to me again.. I am mad at myself for missing her.. I am mad that I cared.. I am mad that I thought we were something. And I am mad that I must have felt I deserved to be treated that way.. I am mad that she seems COMPLETELY FINE..

I didnt realize that I needed to hear these words once again.. Its like every day I need to be reminded to quit being such a doormat. Thanks for the constant reminders.. They do help.. The whole relationship thing really bites. I dont know If I will ever trust it again. I hate to admit it, but you guys are right.. I allow everything. I have really tried to change myself over this, and learn how to be "healthy". I am too old for all of this energy it takes to be so unhealthy..

I read your post, and I really want to tell you that I really think in my opionion that she is just feeling really depressed on herself. I think that she feels inadequate and loves you and doesnt want to hold you back. I dont think that this is going to last long. If it was me, I would show her that I was supportive of her telling her that you will stand by her decisions because you love her. That would give her security that she can take care of herself and not lose you in the process. There isnt one thing you wrote that makes me think that she is done because of the relationship.. She sounds very depressed and scared. I dont for one minute think she really is going to leave you. Sometimes we can though make things in to a huge wave of mess. This is why I say try to relax and trust. Unless there is more that I dont know that was said..

Ok.. You guys are all saying do it. I guess I will do this.. I really really hate to see her in trouble, I do love her, but she has so much control over me. This is the first time I have ever had the guts to try to move on with my life. I really really hate this whole thing, but i have learned to have faith, let go.. relax and see what happens.. I will go and call her now. Thanks for the advice.

Okay, so recap.. dumped again after 7 years, cheated on, and left with house payments, and our bills...

Yesterday I get this email saying that she is in the hole in her checking account 600 dollars. I told her that she gets paid that day, she said that is her balance after her paycheck. I felt bad because she needs to eat and get to work. But then I remembered not only did she leave me in a bad situation, she went out and bought 300 dollars worth of clothes, not caring what kind of situation she left me in.

She didnt ask me for money, she asked if our house funded yet. I am the one who has stuck around in our house and got it ready to sell, and I think I sold it, but it hasnt finalized yet. So she wondered if I knew when we were going to get the equity in it.

Then today, she calls me and says that she had a seizure last night (she has epilepsy), can I call in her prescription to a store near her.

She hasnt once asked for money, but we were together for 7 years.. Do I just turn away, or do I help her out????

(whipsaw)....Lol.. I am a forex trader, but it fits perfectly... Lol.. Its the only expression to fully fit how it feels.. Thanks again for the advice.. I guess I will go to bed. I think during a really bad time its important to eat, DONT drink, and sleep. It gives you that ounce of strengh that is barely noticed.. I am still appreciative that the smartest man alive gave me such priceless advice.. even though its very scary, I KNOW you know your stuff.. Going to take your advice.. Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow.. Just the advice that has the ring of truth. I will start now with complete NC. I like the analogy of the amusement park, because basically, that is what this has been. Also, you stating that you think she will come back trying to make this work scares me to death. Up until this breakup, I always prayed for that kind of comment. This time is different. Just you saying that, makes me want to get better prepared for this emotional whipsaw. I appreciate you sharing with me your experiences, I know you DO know what you are talking about. Has anyone seen the movie click.. Wishing I had that remote control right about now...

You sound like the smartest man alive. I have read many of your posts and I was grateful to see that you replied, so thank you very much. You are right. It has been an emotional rollercoaster, Great for a day or two, bad for 4 or 5 days following. We have "broken up" probably 400 times, but physically broken up (meaning her moving out) twice now. I was not happy and always dreamed of breaking free, but reality, I do love her.

I know you are right though. She wants to stay friends so much. I am so afraid to say no, so I have basically decided I will not contact her at all. I have maintained this. If she calls, I keep it really monotone and very short. If she sends an email to me at work, I reply to the question, and no small talk. This seems to be helping, yet sometimes it feels so impossible, I still maintain it. Knowing her, she will very quickly get upset over this, call me on it, yell at me, and start the full NC herself. I realize I have been verbally and physically abused throughout this relationship.. Almost constant, another person was always a threat in this relationship. BUT for the first time, I have a sense of excitement of this free feeling. I really feel like I deserve to be loved back, and now the pathway is clear for me to do this. I am taking this as a good sign. Not only that, everything is falling in place for me. My next door neighbor who is an auto mechanic has offered to fix my dead car. I just sold my house yesterday, who just came up to my door asking if I was selling my house (he saw the mover truck cause she was moving out).. so it took one day for my house to sell. I just got another raise.. so much has happened that is good since this has happened. I suspect this is why she questioned out loud to me if she made the right decision.. she is maintaining distance from me as well though.. so i recognize the familiar mixed messages.. but this time I am not trying so hard to figure them out. I guess I just needed to know that I am feeling normal feelings.. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post..

I have posted before.. Very long drawn out relationship.. In love for a decade, recent break up, another cheating episode I have to go through. Everytime a break up happens, I literally break down and lose all interest in everything, complete depression. She has been diagnosed with bipolar, this break up ended up with her moving out of the house, leaving me strapped, and the moment that she left she said "what did I do" in the regard that she was questioning if she made the right decision...

So... the confusion comes in is that I am really not doing that bad. I am so upset that she has done this to me again. I am sad over what I thought was, or the future..

She just moved out 3 days ago.

Is this normal for someone that is inclined to patheticness to the highest degree to just "snap out of it".. I wasnt happy in the relationship because I could never meet the mark, and tons more but I was faithful and would have stuck through all the thick and thin.

I am just hoping I am not fooling myself, and really deep down I am a complete mess waiting to explode. I have never been fine with our break ups...

I guess I am just incredibly scared.. I feel like I have just been let loose.. But I am not on the floor at least.

I dont mean this in any bad way, but I can speak from experience what an internet relationship does to someone. ESPECIALLLY if he is still living with you. It really is still a huge betrayal. Its easy to rationalize it away in your situation, but it is a huge hurt that takes a very long time to get over. Just thought I would let you know.

You are right. thank you... Just what I needed to hear.

Thank you for the advice. Yesterday I was very excited about this. Until yesterday evening. I had such a hard evening last night. I went home, and she was packing again. She is leaving this weekend. How could I have made this relationship that always made me feel lonely, and abandoned in to this tight bonded relationship? I am stuck here still with anxiety wondering what to do. She wants to be friends, yet if I do, I know I am doomed forever. If I dont, I will miss her so much, and she will end up saying that if I really loved her, I would at least try to be friends. This is why I allowed her to dictate through the whole thing the "rules" I followed them as best as I could. Now I have to think about what is best for me, the emotions are killing me. I am just hoping everyone is right, that it really does get better. I guess I am just venting. I have always felt like this website helps so much. Thanks for reading my pathetic life.

Ok.. I guess I am very excited. Everytime we have broken up in the past, I was hating that we were apart, and thought it would be best if I just go out and try, but now.. I actually am EXCITED for the prospect.. I just dont want to do anything unhealthy.. I dont want to end up in another bad situation.. So, its normal to want to go, being excited?

I guess this is everyones clue I havent got out much.. Lol..

Okay, so now Im even in a bigger delimma.. this is going to sound really weird. I have a friend here at work that just sent me an email saying he has a few single friends of his that he wants me to meet. He is having a housewarming party on saturday, and I am scared to death. ITS BEEN 7 years.. what should I do? Should I go?

Thank you so much....I hate this.. What I hate even more is that I DONT want to be the only one feeling like this. I feel so angry inside thinking that this is not a big deal to her. I have always been the one to worry about us. Why would I do such a thing? I guess now I am venting, I just look at the whole thing, and it is scary that for once I am just so upset that I cant even look at her. I dont want this back.. but I am SOOOOOOOOO mad that she probably is like, oh well, who cares.. The biggest thing I have learned is that if I ever feel like I am the one who cares more about the relationship ITS TIME TO GET OUT. It never gets better, its not a dynamic feeling. At the first of this breakup, I literally thought about dying.. I couldnt stand the idea of a breakup, but when I saw that she was annoyed that I was sad, and going around the house packing EVERYTHING, it pissed me off. I realized that the patterns were always there, and she was not going to change ever. Why would I want to die for something that really was not what I thought. I guess sometimes our minds allow us to see something that is beautiful, when its not really like that at all.. its just what we want it.. It made me feel so good Mun that you said that you really think I am going to do it this time.. I really do too. Just the validation I needed to hear I guess, so thank you very very much.

No, they are not kids together. They are mine. I am just wanting this whole thing to start feeling better. This time I feel 100% ready to move forward with my life. I feel a tiny spark that maybe I might have a chance to have someone love me one day when I am healed and ready. This is a good feeling. Being treated like crap has really taken a toll on me over the years.. Resentment comes in because I am sure she isnt even aware of any hurtful thing she has done to me. What an idiot I am for thinking I am staying with someone dispite problems. This I take full resoncibility for. That part is my fault.

I am soooo sorry. I know that this is horrible and hurts so bad. I know this probably isnt what you want to hear, but sometimes things like this are big blessings in disquise.... We will all be here for you..

This sounds so bad, but I refuse to be the one to leave for a bit. She hasnt paid anything on our house this month at all, living off of me.. while she is thinking about other people.. I do have kids as well, so I am not going to uproot them because of her. Everyone caters to her and I just feel so refusing to do so anymore. This seems all grand and dandy to her. She seems to feel so happy about all of this with no regard to how she has treated me over the past 7 years of differnt kinds of abuse..