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Nappyloxs

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  1. Nappyloxs
    I blame a lot of the problems in our relationship on me. At first I blamed you, but after a while I looked at myself. But even though, I know I could have loved you better. I did many things for you that you never appreciated either. Picking you up from your girls night out, so you did not have to drink and drive. Let you go on girls night outs without ever complaining. Taking mean comments from you constantly. Fixing your car when I knew how. Just doing many little things for you that were not insignificant, but I did them because I always thought of you. So funny how quickly you forget and can be mad at me.
  2. Nappyloxs
    Thanks. I came to another realization this morning. Reading a lot of others posts and how people still have LC with their ex despite ex. being confused or dating a rebound. Many people kept LC. Well, my ex. wants nothing to do with me, despite me knowing that I need to change and love her better. I kept thinking she will comeback. But she isn't if she truly loved me, she would have at least made some contact even if it was in the beginning to talk about it. But there hasn't been. I am a person who analysis tries to analysis all possibilities, but in reality, I only analysis the possibilities I that are easiest for me. I need a break from her, but in a good way. I really love her so much. And I did so many things wrong. I did not compromise like you said. When we were together, I thought I did, but now I realize that I really did not compromise enough. Day 5. I thought about contacting her today to try and reinforce how much I love her and how much I learned from this time apart from her. BUT I am not going to. I already have told her in my last letter. If she can't find it in her heart to believe me, forgive me, and give it another chance. Then it just wasn't meant to be.
  3. Nappyloxs
    The reason for the breakup was two-fold. We got into an argument, lots of hurtful things were said by both of us. She said she was leaving, I told her to leave, I left the room, and she left the house. Bigger issue was I was selfish in the relationship and I did not appreciate the terrific woman that I was fortunate to have in my life. To be honest, we were together for 2+ years. At around the one year mark, I wrote an email to my ex from 10+ years ago (just a friend now) saying how I did not know if she was the one. I didn't at that time, because I had moved away and we spent 3 months apart. But she relocated to were I am a month before the email. So I lost a part of her when she read that email and never fully realized until now that I never even attempt to gain it back or that there was a piece missing. As for your post, don't worry about break NC most of us have done it several times. The important part is that you feel better now and feel like you can move on. I have broken NC 3 or 4 times. It was the last time, that was planned where I felt okay breaking NC and did not regret it after words. There was a purpose to break NC this time and that purpose was that it was for you this time. That makes a huge difference in moving forward. Just finished Day 4!!!
  4. Nappyloxs
    congratulations
  5. Nappyloxs
    Day 4. Still thinking of her. Snowed in at the house, so that is not helping much. Don't know why I keep thinking that she will comeback???? But still, I know that I am moving forward and just going through different stages. While I keep thinking of "comeback" conversations, I am also telling myself she is not coming back and to move forward. I am starting to slowly accept the truth. Realize that I have been a hermit lately. The first month or so after the breakup, I was going out even if it meant pushing myself. Lately, I haven't really even tried to go out. At first, I don't think I was ready to go out. I missed her no matter if I was at a club, bar, or even the strip club (no not even for sex, just missed her). Now I want to go out and try an enjoy myself. Maybe even find a rebound. Honestly, I am confused whether I want to I want a rebound or not. I want to focus on myself, but I think a rebound will help me realize that my ex. is not the only woman in the world and to actually have someone like me again for me, even if its for only a few months. At least NC is easier now. I really don't want or think of contacting her anymore.
  6. Nappyloxs
    Day 3 of attempt 3. I am doing pretty well today. Starting to realize that I am only on day 3. She is probably on day 50. I am realizing that she just isn't coming back and its just on me to improve as a person and to start moving forward in my life without her.
  7. Nappyloxs
    I miss you and love you. I wish I could explain how I feel about you more effectively. I want to be the man you deserve. I know I was not perfect for the last two years. And I realize where I made mistakes. I cannot be the man of your dreams, but I can be the man you once feel in love with and more. Damn, I am starting to realize you are gone forever.
  8. Nappyloxs
    Starting day 3. of course, I woke up this morning thinking of her. I just want to call her and tell her I love her. But I have already tried that route. It didn't work.
  9. Nappyloxs
    Day 2. Doing good. still love her and thinking of her. But its gotten a little, again, little easier.
  10. Nappyloxs
    This is Day 1. Again another attempt. This time I hope it is easier. My last letter to her explained everything I have thought about. I know now that there is nothing else I can do but move forward with my life. Still miss her and want her to comeback. But I have accepted that she may never comeback, I have no control over it, and all I can do now is live MY life.
  11. Nappyloxs
    Broke NC today. I just spent the past few hours writing her a letter. I don't know why. Maybe because tomorrow is the 2 month anniversary of the breakup. Most of it was stuff I said before and some of it wasn't. This time I wrote everything and thought about everything. It was a 5 page letter. I am not upset that I broke NC again. But I think this will be the last time. I could not possibly say anything more. I really said every possible single thing in that letter. Now, its just time to move forward. I will leave it in God's hands. Tomorrow will be the two-month mark and Day 1 of NC. No better day to start than a Sunday. Football will be on all day!!!!!
  12. Nappyloxs
    I cannot believe we spent two and a half years together. We lived together the whole time. And since our argument you have not spoken to me. Two days after are argument I attempted to talk to you about, instead of talking to about what happened, you just put me down. A month later when I contacted you to tell you I won the case. You could not even say congratulations by text, or email. Then when you were upset because I called you during the day, you had Terri call me. Do you really hate me that much? Did I really hurt you that bad? If so how? Or are you just being cold-hearted and never really loved me? Or is it that you still love me and just letting your damn pride get in the way? One day, you are going to realize how great we were together. When that day comes and you attempt to contact me to say "you're sorry" I am going to remember the way you complete shut me out for these two months. I may be able to forgive, I really don't know. But I won't forget that you could even say congrats on me win the case. No matter how upset you are at me, you could have just text 8 little letters.
  13. Nappyloxs
    Day 2: Wasn't too bad. I kept thinking of her though all day. Just came back from happy hour. Forced myself to go. The thing I hate is that we were together for 2.5 years. after a 1year we moved to a new city. Everyone I know is in relationships. She at least had single friends. So everytime I go out I think 1) I rather be doing anything with her and 2) I rather have her here and 3) why did we not do this when we were together. I really made the relationship very boring for her and I. Tomorrow will force myself to get a haircut, work, then go to the clubs and at least hit on some women.
  14. Nappyloxs
    Start of Day 2. Last night was kind of bad. This morning was kind of bad. I think of her in the morning and at night. During the day, I want to say I can control myself, except for Wednesday. This morning I wrote her a message, (I think it like having to have a cup of coffee in the morning!!), but instead I wrote it on this site instead sending it to her. Some progress. I am still using her going on a match-making event, as motivation to get my butt up and out. I refuse to let her go out and date and me sit her dwelling over her. Halloween is coming up and that will be a great time to go out and meet new women.
  15. Nappyloxs
    This is what my ex. is probably saying about me!
  16. Nappyloxs
    Geneta: I know that you have reached the point where you are ready to start dating other men. It kills me inside to know that after two and half years together, you won't even give me a chance. I have learned so much from our time apart and I am a better person because of it. Words cannot describe it, only actions can. But you won't allow me to act. I know that part of you misses me and still loves me. I don't believe you are so cold-hearted to just up and leave and have no feelings towards me at all. I know people have gotten to you. I know that your pride won't allow you to comeback even if you wanted. You don't want to look like a fool to those people. All I can say is I have looked like a fool for the past two months. The texts, the emails, the letters. I don't care that I look like a fool to others. I love you and that is all I care about is getting you back and being better to you from here on out. I know were I messed up all these years. And I am not going to let it happen again, if you ever come back. Love, John
  17. Nappyloxs
    That was what I use to wonder. I was with my ex. for 2.5 years living together. She cut off all contact right after our breakup. It really does suck at first. I was wondering has she moved on? Does she not care? How could she not contact me after 2.5 years living together? I realized she just was better at no contact, that she really wants it over. I once read somewhere that it takes 2 to be in a relationship and 1 to end it. Well she ended it. Now two months later, I have accepted it. I realized why would I want to be with someone who after 2.5 years living together could just completely shut me out like that. It wasn't even like she found someone new or something. That I could understand. It was just because she did not love me anymore. Day 1 still going great!!! I feel great. Still think about her, but I have told her every thing. Nothing more I can say to her.
  18. Nappyloxs
    Don't feel down. You are actually giving him some credit/control. Be proud that you have gone 11 days with NC. You are 10 days ahead of me. I am still in day 1.
  19. Nappyloxs
    Starting over with Day 1. Today is much much better than yesterday's nightmare breakdown. Today, I feel reenergized and ready to move forward. Still thought of her, still thought of sending an email to tell her something (I forget about what). Did not do it though. The great thing I learned from yesterday's nightmare was I expressed how I felt, what I learned, and asked for her back. If I did not do that, I would have always wondered what would have happened if I did. I can relax now and move forward with my life.
  20. Nappyloxs
    Thanks Cool Chick: It was bad today. I left work for a few hours. I couldn't do anything (helps that I am my own boss). Went home laid down (I hate to admit this but I cried half way home). I realized I was letting someone who does not want me in her life strongly affect my life in a negative way. I wrote a farewell email. And now I am done. Restarting the Challenge. I know she still cares about me, but she is doing her own NC. If she comes back who knows what will happen, but I am going to just build a wall. If she comes back, she will have really show me how she loves me. I think today I got everything out of me. It will still be a struggle some days. But for the first time, I really want to move forward since I took 100 steps back today.
  21. Nappyloxs
    Failed on day 2. Today is terrible I feel so crippled. I can't even work and its been over 7 weeks since our breakup. My body physical hurts.
  22. Nappyloxs
    This is my main problem now! Accepting that she is done. There is no new man in her life from what can tell through facebook (no I have checked since challenge) She has not called, wrote, respond to anything since the breakup. Even rejected flowers and the lady told me that ex. was pissed. I am slowly accepting that she is done, because I must to move forward. Since she is living her life, I should be able too.
  23. Nappyloxs
    Almost finished Day 1, I was busy at work, so didn't think of her until I drove. Still miss her, but I know that I told her how I feel and its up to her. Going to eat, watch a comedy movie and then sleep. Going to keep myself busy at work the rest of the week, because when I first signed up for this challenge I could not wait until day 30 so I could contact her. Now I actually have some motivation for NC and look forward to the change that will come.
  24. Nappyloxs
    Day 1: We broke up on 08/25 after she left after an argument. Around 09/10 I started contacting her. Telling her how much I missed/love her. Last week I went about 6 days not contacting her, but then I drove past her. Two days later, I was happy and felt like giving her a call (I miss sharing those good days with her). Sat 10/18 I attempted to send her flowers because of sweetest day and a friend telling me that the last time she talked to her my ex was on the fence. She rejected the flowers. Contacted her again on Sunday b/c my mom had written us and email and I wasn't sure she got it, because I did not at first. Today, contacted her to say I was sorry for the contact and that I will never contact her again. Perfect time to find this thread!!! The hardest part is going to be not checking her facebook account.
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