Jump to content

Nappyloxs

Silver Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    828

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Nappyloxs

  1. Nappyloxs
    Just got back from Vegas and had a blast. I can't believe I am saying this, but I actually missed you and thought of you will I was there. Why did you have to treat our relationship as a sprint and not a marathon. Did you really not believe I did not want to marry you? If so, why did we not talk about it more? If we never broke up last August we would have probably been engaged by now. It is strange how life works. Although I still miss you and love you. I know I cannot break NC. I must be strong and move on because you do not really love me for who I am. You loved me for the "potential" you say in me. I loved you for who you were for better and for worst. None of the constant arguing, the name-calling, the disrespect made me love you less. I know I shouldn't have put up with it, but it did not make me love you any less.
  2. Nappyloxs
    You must worry about yourself first and foremost. It is hard. But you must focus on yourself. You can't control him or his actions, but you can control yours. Read books, listen to music, go to the walk or gym. ENA is a great site, but also it can make the healing process hard if you use the information the wrong way.
  3. Nappyloxs
    No you aren't a loser. Breakups are hard, especially the first few days depending on how it occurred. It gets easier. The missing part just lingers for sometime. I still check out the facebook profile of my ex from 12 years ago (my first love). I just check to see that she is doing alright.
  4. Nappyloxs
    Day 13 I went on a date last night that went ok. Nothing great, but was nice to know that I can date again and pick up woman. Also I have another date with another woman later this week and Vegas this weekend. Things seem to be going well as far as meeting other woman. Today, on the drive home from work, I just started thinking of ex. and really missed her. I think it was triggered by a car that was the same color as hers. I really just missed holding her. Oh well, I know we aren't meant to be.
  5. Nappyloxs
    Day 10 Last night I really thought her and missed her. I don't know why I even missed her. Guess the heart just sometimes to needs have some attention. I have been doing a lot of reading on relationships. I realized two things this week. 1) I kind of already knew was that my ex had a personality disorder. I started reading Stop Walking on Eggshell which is about having someone in your life who has Borderline Personality Disorder. That was my ex. Although, I am only a few pages in, it was scary to realize that someone I love has this disorder. (But I have suffered from depression, so I don't judge her for it.) It definitely explains her actions and verbal attacks. 2) I learned that I did not correctly set up boundaries in the relationship. I see how this failure to correctly assert my boundaries led to the constant arguments, the unhealthy relationship, her actions, and the breakup. By discover these two things. I am not saying I want to reconcile with ex. We tried and failed miserable. But it is nice having this knowledge for any future relationships. The one problem I am having is coming to grips that she will never call. For some reason I think she will call one day in the distant future and think of my reaction. I need to let go of thinking about that and just accept that it won't happen and figure out why I would even want it to happen. During our last breakup, she did not contact me for 4 months and then only contacted me because I sent her some money I owed her and she thought I needed "closure." This reminds me that she will not be contacting me in the future as she is the type (personality disorder) who never admits to doing any wrong.
  6. Nappyloxs
    Day 8 I slowly started slipping into my old habits again. Last week was stressful with the breakup and work, so I started smoking again. I haven't worked out for the last two days although I plan to tonight. I also had a few drinks during the week, something I have stopped. I really stopped focusing on making myself a better person. I need to regroup. Part of it has been work and the other part really has been my upcoming vacation to Vegas next week. When I think about the ex. which is still several times a day, I remember all the crap we went through. I know it is okay to love her, but I don't every want to go through that again. Last night, I talked with someone new for a few hours. We plan on having a date this weekend. She seemed cool. Totally opposite of my ex. which is nice. Now I just have to remember how to date and not let the ex. ruin it.
  7. Nappyloxs
    I am guilty of checking her FB today. I don't know why. I guess I want to test myself. Good thing is she has now blocked her profile from being public. So I can't see anything but her pic. I know she did it because of my email to her last week. It hurts in some ways knowing that she basically hates me. She pulled this crap last time. I know it is understandable since we are broken up. It hurts to know that she does not want me in any part of her life. When I say it hurts, it more like stings. I am not crying over it, but it just kind of hurts knowing I gave this girl everything for 3 years. It sure wasn't perfect and I can be hard to put up with. But she just kept demanding and demanding things of me that I wasn't able to give for various reasons. Truth is I never demanded anything of her and attempted to satisfy so many of her demands. For her to basically hate me and think that there is someone who will satisfy all her crazy demands, just stings. Despite the hurting, I actually see some good in it. Why would I want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with me? It actually helps me in moving forward. After 3 years together and everything I did for her, for her to just shut me out and not want any part of me shows that she wasn't the right one and that she really didn't truly love me. In some was that is comforting to know that I did not make the mistake of spending the next 3 years with her.
  8. Nappyloxs
    Oceanblue535 If you started the NC challenge, you should start the FB challenge. Some will say you haven't really done NC because you checked his FB. I know exactly how you feel. I have checked my ex's FB too. I miss her and feel as I deserve better. I actually just had a conversation with my best friend about all the crap I went through with my ex. We both deserve better! Although my ex. (as I am sure was yours) great in so many ways. In truth, they were not right for us. In order to find happiness, it begins and ends with us. Only you and I can dictate what our happiness is. If we continue to allow ourselves to check their facebook or think of those good memories, we will never truly be happy again until we are able to see that happiness is within us and not our ex. or the relationship. Good luck.
  9. Nappyloxs
    Day 7 since I broke NC after a month. Since this is the second breakup in less than a year. It is easier. I have met a few women online. One of which I may meet this weekend. That, career decision, and working out are helping to keep my mind of ex. I still think of her. But I have accepted and realized that she wasn't right for me. I do keep thinking that if I make this switch to a new job, she will come back and I can just laugh at it. If, a big if, I get this new job I will be financially stable, something I wasn't during the relationship. It is like my friend tells me, why should I let her reap the rewards for my hard work especially when she bailed and criticized when I was down? Hell, no. I don't care how much I love her. Its now or never, and she chose never. She thought our relationship was a sprint and not a marathon. Oh well, her loss. Not mine. Funny, my mom sent us both an email during last year's breakup. And she mentioned, how no matter how bad things get, that I always land on my feet as I always have a plan. That plan may not always be what people want or expect, but it is my plan and I follow it and it ends up working in the long run. I see now Mom was right.
  10. Nappyloxs
    I wanna just tell you that I miss you and still love you.
  11. Nappyloxs
    Damn do I still love you. I just couldn't keep on giving with out receiving just simply love in return. You just kept demanding that I need to do this and that and how I wasn't worth it. All I ever asked was that you love me, support me, appreciate what we had. Yeah, I was tough to deal with at times. And yes, I have period when I feel down and out, but did you have to go and make me feel worst about them. All I ever asked for was some respect and some love. Love isn't cleaning my house because you have OCD or the rare time you cooked or sex. Love is giving without asking for anything in return. It is supporting your lover when they are down and telling them it will be alright. Yes, sometimes you also have to kick them a little, but you don't need to make them feel like crap. Good luck to you. As much as it hurts that we are apart. I know I am going to be better in my next relationship. I won't care the baggage from ours to the next. You will act all sweet until you don't get what you want, because you don't know what love is. As much as I love you, I also am sorry that you didn't realize what love really is about.
  12. Nappyloxs
    I wrote you yesterday. I never say the right thing in the right way. I just want you to know that you were right I need to get my act together more. It was just how you said it. Always so negatively, it made it hard for me to see. Now I am starting to see clearer, because that negativity is gone and I can focus on me. I am not saying you were the cause of my problems. It was constantly being told how bad I was just made me feel bad all the time. I do miss you and love you still. I know I cannot reach out to you anymore. If we are ever to be together again. You must have an opportunity to see what we really had together. You must be given the opportunity to actually miss me and want me. I doubt it will ever happen, but as of today, I still have a little hope that motivates me so that if you ever do come back. I will be the man you first fell in love with, but even better. Maybe then you will also be the woman who I also fell in love with.
  13. Nappyloxs
    You can call me if you need to, pm me if you ever want to talk and I will give you my phone number, FB, yahoo, msn. I am here to help if you need it.
  14. Nappyloxs
    I had a dream about my ex. too. It was basically her yelling at me telling me she is never coming back. The funny thing is my horoscope said something about interpreting dreams yesterday. So I think because I read my horoscope, I had that dream. I actually woke up from it as if it was real; as if she was really yelling at. Good thing is I vaguely remembered it this morning until I read your post. Day 1 again, it really should be considered day 2. I only broke NC because I owe my ex some money. So I just sent her an email letting her know I sent it to her parents. I told her earlier this week I would send the money. Should have told her that then where I was sending it. I have thought about whether I should pay her back or not, or just do it down the road. But I just want to get it over with, I believe in Karma, and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of complaining about the little bit of money I owe her as she did with her ex. who owes her thousands. Plus, I do owe her the money anyway and believe in paying my debts.
  15. Nappyloxs
    I don't think we ever stop thinking about them; it just becomes more rare. I too had a little awakening at work. I had a beautiful PC (prospective client) come in today. Luckily I was professional, but it felt good to look at another woman and just think she was beautiful. It may turn it to a client. I even discounted my rate just because her case should be easy and just because it would be fun to have a beautiful client. Strictly, professional, but still it is fun.
  16. Nappyloxs
    Day 1 again. This time I am making it. 3 months is long enough to dwell over her. Time to move forward. I loved her, told her I loved her and that I realized my mistakes and grew from this experience. Now, it back to just discovering myself again. Forget her, she is just a memory from now on. I probably won't post as much anymore here, because honestly, I don't want to remember anymore had my heart broken for the past three months. I am just going to live a single life and be happy from here on out. I will keep updates and give advice to others. No more pain over this girl, we ran our course. Now its on to bigger and better things.
  17. Nappyloxs
  18. Nappyloxs
    google it to see if you can find out who it was.
  19. Nappyloxs
    Broke NC!!!! Shoot I am upset with myself. I was going back and further about it today. Sent her an email. Basically a "what if" and thank you email. Still regretted the second after I pressed send. Ugh!!!! It wasn't I miss her email or nothing of that nature. It basically said thank you for showing me what love really is; I realized I was stuck in a rut. My business has now turned a little bit successful, so now the stress that I had is gone. I realized I had changed and wasn't the person she feel in love with. I feel the weight of the business/debt off my shoulders. And I wish she was here to share the "fruit of my labor" with because she was here when things were bad and because I cared for her. I understand that she left because of financial stability, relationship became boring, and that I changed because of the stress I was under. I told her I understand that she is off to bigger and better things, that she deserves it and that I respect her decision. I am so upset at myself for volunteering my thoughts to her. She has no right anymore to know what it is I am thinking about. Ugh. Back to day 1. At least it was 2 in 24. I will look at it that way. Plus, I start day 1 on Dec. 1. so if I can make it this time. to day 30. It will be a new year!!!!! Also, have to look at the positive.
  20. Nappyloxs
    Damn: I am just sitting here thinking about how the timing of the breakup sucks. I know you are not coming back and have moved forward with your life and that is cool. I know that my financial situation caused us many problems. You wanted stability and I could not provide that. You wanted to do things, and I kept making excuses because I was broke. Since the very day of the breakup, things have picked up. I am financially able to do things, it still is very month to month, but at least I am not stressed about money like I use to be. Financially stability, not yet. But I am more comfortable. It will still be month to month for sometime. I just wish you were here to share this with. You stayed through down, but left the very day things started turning around. I guess God just works in mysterious ways.
  21. Nappyloxs
    I hope it is too! I think it is. I think I miss her and am sad about it because I am accepting it is over. And accepting it is over, is part of the letting go and healing process. At least that is what I tell myself.
  22. Nappyloxs
    Day 13 Posted earlier about how I am accepting that its over and feel like I am moving on. Just had a feeling of how much I miss her. I haven't had that for a while. Just actually missing her. Funny thing is, I know she is still has the same traits that annoy me and I know we can't be together. But still, I miss her. Its not depressing, and I am not upset, or unable to function. I just miss her. I really think my heart and mind are finally becoming in tune again. Although I miss her, I actually feel rationale about it.
  23. Nappyloxs
    Day 13. I feel really good today. I feel as if I am letting go finally. The past few days I have been thinking about how I am just better for loving her and learning from my mistakes in this relationship. Its strange, because I want to tell her thank you for making me understand love better and that I understand why she left. BUT I AM NOT. I know that part of the reason is because I hope that she'll come back and until that part is gone. I cannot contact her.
  24. Nappyloxs
    Day 12 (1 in 24). Not too bad of a day. Watched football and have been thinking of her. I missed her today, but its okay, because I know there will be days like this. Luckily, this was not too bad of a day, just kind of missed her. I do hate thinking of the "possibility" of her coming back. But I am getting use to the thoughts and knowing its not going to happen.
  25. Nappyloxs
    This is just my opinion, but your next dating experience (maybe not relationship on how you are) is going to be a rebound. There is nothing wrong with it. In rare instances, will the next person you date be your spouse. (I say rare, because with ex. 1, she met her husband a few months after I called it off for good). Just tell the guy: Look I am just getting out of a relationship, I am still hurt from it, I am not looking for sex or a relationship, and I just want to be take it slow and hang out. (PS don't say you just want to be friends). Seriously, use him as a crutch in recovery, but don't lead the poor guy on for what your ex. did (not saying you are). A good guy will respect that and even treat you more special if he knows that you need to be "built up." I fell hard for a girl once, in between ex. 2 and ex. 3. She did not tell me I was the rebound, I still treated her great, because I was crazy about her. But she didn't tell me the truth, so it did hurt when I found out she was dating others. Just be honest. FYI sadly, that girl ended up becoming a really good friend, because I forgive too easily. Also, it wasn't as if we dated a long time, just a month or two.
×
×
  • Create New...