I am in love, and think she is too but it appears only alcohol can bring out my true feelings. Please give me you thoughts or opinions on the last 2 days I have lived.
I regularly club, I love it... being able to truly lose my inhibitions by loosening up my head with a few drinks Anyway, me and a mate are out there having a good time laughing, drinking. About 4 hours into the night we run into 2 girls from school. Now I have been only been single 6 months coming out of a 4 year relationship, my reason for breaking it off.. I knew she was not the one and at 22 I still have alot left in my life.
One of the girls, lets call her Emily, has been friends with me for a few years (we dont see eachother often but our conversations are always deep, and we contact on a level that I do with no other). Emily, 21, came out of a 4 year relationship 2 months after I. She is seeing a guy now but tells me she does not love him because she is not over her old guy. Me and her old boy were mates in school.
We used to flirt, we used to hug, and he was never happy about it but with him out of the picture a barrier was brought down. Emily was not out with her current boyfriend and upon running into eachother she gave one of my mates a brief hello hug... then we saw eachother.. smiled deeply.. and embraced, both overjoyed in seeing eachother (which we hadn't for a few months). Kissing briefly on the lips (now I never do that and neither does she) we are both overjoyed in running into eachother. For half an hour we hug, my heart is leaping out of my chest. We kiss, not intimately, several times.. just your brief 1/2 second peck on the lips.
Even while I was with my ex Emily would always cross my mind, and finally being near her with my inhibitions out the door thanks to a few drinks, I have the best few hours of my life. I pick her up in my arms, carrying her over to our group of friends then chat with some people until my mate asks me if we should head over to a new bar with the girls. So we catch a cab , the four of us, but Emiliy's friend and my mate are separated. Now its just meand Emily. She grabs my hand and we walk, arms around eachother the rest of the way to the bar.
Me and Emily enter the bar, and she buys me a drink. We hug, we kiss eachother a bit more (remember the kiss's are only friendly, but deep inside I feel more). All through the night I have been telling her how she is such a wonderful person, but I never cross the line as she does have a boyfriend which she has been with for 4 months, but does not love... and as cruel as it is I am glad she does not love him. My arms around her waist we just stare into eachothers eyes and hug. She kisses me on the neck and I then kiss her on the neck as well. Half an hour later, us standing arm in arm, our two friends then return. 2 minutes later her bofriend arrives who was supposed to be meeting with her. Me and my mate chill outside for a bit and then decide its time to go home. I once again embrace Emily (her boyfriend is right there), this time as a goodbye.. and whisper into her ear.. "I love you Emily", and she says "I know you do..." and it ends... home I go...
The next day it is time to return from my high, back to reality... I keep myself busy trying not to think too much. The day after (today) I can't stop thinking about her at work, and it makes me feel like throwing up... I keep telling myself that if we are meant to be together that things will work out. Cigarette after cigarette I try to relax.
I can slowly feel myself getting better but all I can hope is that she is thinking about me too. I am too afraid to call or message her, and dread that all that happened 2 nights ago was entirely my own doing. Was she reciprocating my feelings? Will she forget about what happened? Is there a chance in the world she is the one too afraid to contact me? Does she feel she can't do anything because she has a boyfriend even though she does not love him?
I ask you readers, to help me.. I am in love with her, always have been.. always will be.
This is my first post and I come to you for support. Guys, do you understand how I feel? Girls, does it seem she feels for me too? If I could have anything in the world it would be herheart. All feedback welcome, Kyler.
