ghostgirl116

hey daveR... you two were together for a really long time, so expect the more negative feelings to pop up and stick around sometimes for a while. it really sounds like you're doing good, and i sure know how it is when you have a kid and you have to deal with the ex!! we are all here for each other gg

once again its early, but i've committed myself to nc, and TOLD folks (ena) i'm committed, so i know i can do today!! the thing is, i really feel a strong urge to contact him. i'm starting to regret that i wrote/sent the email calling him a cad. why??? but i do this to myself. i make a stand, and stay strong for a week or so, then the nice girl kicks in and says, "really, you shouldn't have been so harsh." and not reading his reply (which i did not expect), i find myself wondering what he said. but i'm sure that it was a better idea for me not reading it! on a positive note, i put up a new myspace page yesterday. i snapped a few snazy pics of myself to post up with it. ok, i will confess, i hope he comes accross my page somehow and sees the pics and feels a bit of regret for blowing me off because i look rather fabulous in them. i had a page before, but a month or two ago, i deleted the whole page. i've managed to contact a few of the "friends" from it (all men so far...), and got a few compliments, and i know its silly, but it was such an ego boost. wow. this is long! bessings to you guys. gg

hey dave, be careful with that #2 on the list about taking your kids. you never know how it might come accross to the kids. gg

woke up with the warm fuzzies for the ex. aaaarrrrggghhh!!!!!! have been struggling a little this a.m. with thoughts/fantasies. no desire to contact him, but i will admit i wouldn't mind him contacting me. i do keep reminding myself that he really isn't into me, so that helps. the good thing about that is, this is the first time that i did not take it in a really personal way. i have some things that i'm working on about myself, but i kinda like who i am overall. gg

hi dave! ramble all you want! so you see yourself, there is life after a breakup! this is day six, i think.

hi izzy... don't send that email, honey! be strong. let the thirty days do its magic, or more if needed. we are all in this together! maybe a few months down the line, you can send an email "hey, how are things?" but keep it light, and only if you are ready! (he might have a new gal... gotta be able to handle it) xoxo gg

yeah, i know the day is just starting. but i pretty certain i won't contact him. i HAD a date tonight (not that i'm "date ready", but it was a nice chance to don a dress and mingle, and i have few if any friends to hang out with... i need more friends!!), but he canceled via email last night; his long lost "cousin" is in town, and he can't miss out on seeing him. whatever. have had some self-reflection this a.m. i was thinking that there were times when i became needy/clingy with "t" (instead of just calling him "the ex"); they were few and far between, and really unfounded on his part at that time. i can't say i feel too proud of myself for it. oh well. i know i'm doing the right thing. i have wondered what that email said that i deleted without reading; the one he sent after i shot one off to him telling him that he was a cad for blowing me off. but frankly, it still seems that it would have been a waste of my time/emotions to know. he was actually a really good boyfriend when we dated. not much more to say right now. except i do wonder if he thinks "good ridance". time for more coffee and then a workout. one thing... i've re-committed myself to healthier habits. thats good. feeling a little down, though. my little girl is with her dad and his fiance for a couple of days, and i have no idea what to do with myself!!

hi kaylajoy! i really liked your post. what insight into your ex's behavior!! very compassionate...

hi there dave! my little girl will be with her dad this weekend.... he is flying in from california with he fiance (sp!!) and she will be hanging out with them until early monday morning. i was a little worried about what i'd do with my time, but i will try not to stew too much! i do have a date saturday night, though. not that i feel really "date ready", but its a nice chance to get dressed up and go out. i'm sorry to hear about your friend. i'm sending good thoughts your way! to answer a couple of your questions: (sorry it takes a little while to reply sometimes) my little girl's father and i have been split for seven years now. i had a lot to deal with, so i purposely waited a couple of years before i dated again. as it turned out, only about two years ago did i actively start to date! i do like who i am more so now, so the waiting was really worth it. i still have some things i really need to focus on, and i look at that when i start to pine for the ex. ghost girl, maybe because i am quiet. or, i've experienced a spirit or two (not the liquid kind! although, that too, but not any more! ) take care... gg

i've been pretty busy these last couple of days, and that has helped a lot. its funny, i went for weeks without contact before, but without being committed not to contact him. i can say that i have moments where i feel really really sad, but i know that this is the right thing to do. gg

this is day three since i started the challenge. i've been really busy, so i really haven't thought too much about him. there are those moments, though, where i want to go to "warm fuzzy" place, but i remind myself how he blew me off. i will post more if i get the chance tonite. gg

good morning dave! i hope your morning is off to a pleasant start. i know just what you mean when you say telling someone something they already know usually doesn't help. but i have to say, it helped me. any time i would assert myself during this "break/space" of his, i would pull back and say that i wasn't being understanding enough. i don't want ot give the impression that he is a full-time cad... he was great when we were in the relationship. A LOT of bad luck came his way, and he was having a hard time handling things. when he called and we met up, he said that if he would have seen me during this time (his break/space), he was afraid that he would have driven me away for good, because he was so depressed and that he would have been an a$$*!^% to me, so he knew it was best to stay away. i could understand that. but when he just called so that he could get laid, essentially, and totally blew me off afterwards, i felt so stupid and hurt. and it made me feel better to finally just say to him what i thought of him! i did not want to hurt him, and i'm afraid i may have been harsh... no one wants to hear that they've been a cad or a jerk or whatever. but, it made me feel a little better to say something... the funny thing was, when he was bringing me back home that night, i had just got done telling him that i really felt a sense of trust with him (which was very true... ). i just tell myself that he can't have cared for me or he wouldn't have just blown me off like he did, with no regard to my feelings. (and he really did say that he wanted to date me again, so i just assumed that he was ready to start seeing me again) this helps me. its weird in a way... its not that i want to go around feeling that my feelings are justified, but it will help me to heal. i have a lot to answer to myself for. i become this person in a relationship who, once i'm hooked, i just do not assert myself where i should. so, finally coming out and saying "i don't deserve this", whether he "hears" or gets it or not, has felt good in a way. there is that part of me that regrets that i may have hurt him by doing this, but not enough that i will go back on it. maybe that is childish, i don't know. i'm old enough that i should be beyond these things, but... i'm sorry i'm just rambling on and on!! it was a relatively short relationship, but fairly serious. he introduced me to his family, and invited me to family stuff. i met one of his kids, and was set to meet his youngest. (he told his ex wife that he met some one that he wanted to introduce their son to). he met my family and my daughter... took us out for pizza and a movie the first time meeting her. and she really liked him. i know he has some other issues that he probably won't admit to. the recent ex wife (he's been married twice) seemed to be really something!! (and this isn't coming from him... he has never bad-mouthed the woman) i know for a fact that she at one point (right when he backed off from me) that she was getting into his personal e-mail (from her own home computer) and deleting my messages to him, and that she would log onto his "myspace" account and read/delete my messages to him. i won't go into how i know, but wow! they've been divorced for a year. so i don't know. i'm thinking he should date around. i'm glad i deleted his email to me. i don't think i would have handled anything painful too well. honestly, i would like to send him a nice "closure letter" much later down the road. but for now, nc is the way to go. i didn't want to/mean to end things in this fashion. thank you for the support!! gg

hey dave! yeah, i guess i just really felt i had to say i wasn't a doormat, and that was the thing for me. i know i deserve to be treated better. i was rather "understanding" as it was, for a while regarding his situation, and believed him when he told me on a few occasions that he really did like me and wanted to see me again when he got his life back together. so the contact during that time was very sporadic. when he asked to see me three weeks ago, he gave me all this talk about things were getting so much better, how he had wanted to call me on a few occasions, but the time wasn't right then. well, i stupidly and willingly gave him what he wanted that night, and was blown off. so for three weeks i had been stewing, and decided that the only way to have a little peace was to tell him that yeah, i get it. but that he could have been big enough to just tell me he really didn't want something with me. so, i suppose this is the second try with nc, although i can't say that i actually committed to it before. i just had my pride then. when he sent the email reply, i honestly was afraid that if i even read it, it would only cause me pain. i hadn't expected a reply, and why would i need to have the knife twisted any further in? besides, even if it would have been something that i'd want to hear (ha!), i can't let myself be drawn back in. i realize this would be so bad for me, and i have a lot of thinking to do, besides. i really feel like the challenge will do me some good. i've already committed to taking better care of myself, too. what are you doing, dave? i mean, have you taken up any new stuff? i think i'll give martial arts a try. i've wanted to do that since i was a kid. now feels like a good time. gg

i went for three weeks without talking to the ex/any contact. i broke it sunday night. i couldn't hold the anger in any more and i sent him an email saying that i thought that he was a cad. ok, i know you're not supposed to do that. he actually found the time to contact me via an email response last night. i decided i would sleep on it before i opened the mail. i really didn't want to read something that would cause me further pain, as i already got his point, even though he didn't have the decency to "tell me" in a way other than blowing me off. i had a dream about him.... oddly enough, i've had more dreams about him than i have any other boyfriend...or all of them put together!! and this morning, while i was in that wake-up twilight faze, i told myself that i should just delete the email without reading it. so that is what i did. although i feel sad, and even though calling him a cad may have been a little harsh, i actually feel a sense of peace today. so, i will call this the official day one. gg

i think you did a good thing. i made you feel good, and allowed you to let go of the hurt. forgiveness is a good thing.