zerohalo

I've always heard that was the case. Christoper Walken swears by it, I know that. Me... I just look like I'm having a seisure when I'm on the dance floor.

A friend of mine had the exact same thing happen to him. Being anxious about sex can either make you orgasm too quickly, or can delay it a very long time. Us humans are pretty weird.

Are you new to the on-line dating thing? Well i can assure you that on-line dating is rubbish. Why? Its for shy people and what the commonfolks of society would describe as losers. Why? Well if you have to use an on-line dating site, it means most people find you are either to ugly/fat/shy or other negative trait in real life.

 

If your smoking hot , you wouldn't need to grab towards an on-line dating site, unless you are incredibly shy.

 

Another big negative is LDR, the "oh i think you are so handsome, to bad you live 3 oceans and 20 000 miles away on some forgotton Robinson crusoe's island, otherwhise id pay you a visit" , honestly its better to get into contact with a real someone from within your inner circle instead of a virtual imposter.

Um... wow. And um... no.

Quite a few people use online dating because of time constraints, or because they live in a backwards town where their personality just doesn't fit, or they're tired of going to the bars. Or, they just want to actually get to know someone a bit before meeting. I'm not saying that some people don't fit into your view here, but I'd have to say that's not the whole truth.

There was a quote I had heard somewhere before, you'll have to forgive me for not remembering the source, but I've always found it very poignant. Read it with sarcasm.

"Isn't it amazing how we always seem to find our soulmate within 20 minutes of where we live?"

I think some guys might not care because they might be thinking, "Wow, if she's dated these wackos, and I'm kinda normal maybe I've got a shot." At least that's how I would react.

However if that's ALL you talk about is your past relationships and sex, then yeah, it could be an issue. I can't really tell from what you've said if that's the case though.

I doubt he'll be frustrated if you actually tell him though.

I know, telling someone how you feel can be really hard, but sometimes you just have to swallow your fear and do it. The worst thing that can happen is you find out it really was a pretense on his part, and guess what? That's not a bad thing, it means you found him out and you can move on. The best thing that can happen? You and he finally click.

I learned the hard way that keeping up that wall around your heart does no one any good. The whole point of a relationship is to open yourself up to someone even though that may mean you could get hurt. It's a risk, but nothing good came from playing it safe.

You just want to push your self close to the point of muscle failure, but not quite. This is very true when you are just starting out. I'm willing to bet you probably just muscled (no pun intended) through the pain and kept on going. As North said, never work out muscles that are already sore. Move onto a new group and give them time to heal. If you do that, you'll find that you'll bulk up faster. That healing time is when the muscle is getting beefier.

It's true, no pain, no gain. But there's a difference between your basic working out hurt, and "OMG my bicep just burst!"

I have OCD but I don't take anything for it. I just try to keep a handle on it, which granted can be really difficult. Just being diagnosed with it was enough of a wake up call for me, I read up on it to recognize my behavorial patterns and then actively tried to change them. It is not easy at all, but I'd rather do it this way than to take a pill for it.

I'm not saying that's what you should do, but just thought I'd share.

You may have worked out like that before, but how long ago? Are you in any kind of shape right now? If you worked out like crazy with no stretching, and you haven't worked out in a long time, I think you just overdid it. I've had some nasty bouts like that when I've pushed myself too hard and too fast.

Incidentally, I have a somewhat similar issue with my right elbow. After working out and bending my arm a lot it kind of locks up and feels sore. My personal trainer told me I just have to work a little slower at it and get those muscles used to the motion. It largely works.

I don't know where I'd rank mine. First, it was sort of a mistake. Seriously! We were dry humping and I accidentally slid in. We sorta looked at each other for a second and there was an unspoken "Lets keep going" moment between us. We did it, it was nice, but I wasn't prepared for it emotionally. I almost broke up with her just because it felt like things totally changed.

So I dunno? Er... 5? 1? Where the heck does rank?

It just sounds like you can't dissasociate sex from pain, which considering what you're going through makes complete sense. Going through the treatment again that sounds like a powerful first step. Have you two had a frank talk about this?

That depends on his size, how much lube is used and most importantly, how gently he was going in.

And how slowly. There shouldn't really have been 'pumps' as much as there should have been gentle, slow thrusts.

Yep, just ask him what he enjoys and you two can explore it together. I envy you, it can be a very fun time when you first make these discoveries.

Seems like a lot of the replies aren't necessarily for, lets say, the first kiss with a guy. I mean I totally get why a woman would find it a turn on with their fiance, current b/f or husband, but what about a guy you dated for just a short while who you liked?

Just bumping the post because I really am curious about this. Any takers for the question?

Wait a sec, did I miss something? This guy isn't your husband? Geez, how the heck did I miss that?

Ok, this definitely is a problem then. If this was a long term marriage, I'd stick by my original post. But if he's a long term boyfriend, then it's different. I don't know what to say really...

Wow.

I have been in a similar situation, and let me tell you, the guy is deluding himself if he thinks he was 'picking up a stripper.' That happens in "Dear Hustler" but not often IRL.

To the point at hand. He really, really screwed up. As far as your trust goes, look at this this way: he made no illusions about it at all, he didn't hide it. He told you right away what his intentions were. Does that make it ok? Hell no. But I'm just saying it could be much much worse. And I agree it was definitely a lack of respect for him to have done that in front of you, but in a way that may have been the point, he wanted you to see it. Not to hide it.

I would say this is salvagable, this could be his really weird way of telling you that there's a problem in the relationship. You have to decide if you love him enough to be able to forgive his lack of judgment, and work on repairing the damage dealt. Try to talk about it with him, but if things get too rough you may need to seek a professionals help.

Zerohalo, I have to agree and disagree with you. Nice story as this might be, I'm afraid it just doesn't fit the romantic comedy mold. The initial attraction has to be followed by a conflict that separates them, a miscommunication that leaves both angsting for each other (cue split-screen moping scene), and finally a critical intervention that brings them back together for a kiss before the credits roll For Starlight's sake I hope it avoids all that movie drama

But darn me if I haven't been vicariously glued to this story as it's unfolded anyway.

 

On a more serious note, I also agree that email has served its purpose for now. Nice going Starlight!

You're so right. Obviously my script-finding skills are not quite l33t.

Good luck on the smooch on Wednesday.

If I were you, don't talk any more by email about the relationship, just make the plans for Wednesday. Without seeing the person's face, there can be mis-communications. I think what you said is fine, but this could get more complicated than it needs to be if you continue. Once you actually see him and he sees you... well lets just say it'll be better than email.

Im not comfortable with my body... I find the worse I eat and the less I exercise, the more I hate myself... if I am eating well and exercising, then Im pretty happy with my body...

I know exactly what you mean. If I weight 215lbs on Monday, and I work out a few times during the week, I feel like a sexy beast on Friday. It's all mental, there's no way I could look any different in that short a timeframe.

I personally believe if your girlfriend really wants to get over this, facing the fear is the best way. But I'm a 'trial by fire' kind of guy, the best way to get over things is to just take the bull by the horns.

Shower drain. Or if you don't like your roommate, they're bottle of shampoo. They will never know. I wouldn't know, it's not like I've done that before!

-Rushes to check his shampoo bottle-

Wow, this could be a movie! I think you are both approaching this in a really mature way, your email dropped just enough hints to say, "I like you and I'd like to talk about us" and his email had enough hints to say, "Yeah I like you to, we should definitely talk."

So many layers here, it's got me on pins and needles and it's not even happening to me

I've never had the chance to use it, but I've always wanted to try: "Hey baby, I have a level 100 Charizard."

Best. Line. Ever.

She's expressed concerns with losing my friendship, as she once dated her best friend who betrayed her immediately after sex.

There ya go. She's being very cautious because she's worried the same thing will happen again, hence her wanting to possibly see other people. Basically she's saying, "I want this to work out, but I'm not going to get hurt again. So I'm going to keep my options open and make you have the short end of the stick because I'm insecure."

This is only my interpretation of your story, and obviously I don't know all the details. But once I read that part of the tale, all the little warning lights went off in my head.

Oh, Uggg... I was hoping not to have to think of this again... lol

 

There was a certain man that I worked with years ago who had been watching me all day really creepy, and as I bent over the front desk to change the outgoing message at the end of the day, he walked up behind me and rubbed his erection over my backside and said: "Can you tell I am interested?"

 

Double ewww.

Sweet monkey-lord. What the hell is that about? I hope you gave him a shot to the groin for it.

It'll sound silly and seedy, but back in college my fiance (now my ex) and I were both discovering the joy of watching porn together. Unfortunately we didn't have a VCR, so once we snuck in a pizza (and the porn) into the library viewing room. Nothing like watching porn to pepperoni pizza in a state funded institution when anyone could walk in on you.

Yes, not romantic. But fun as heck.