Jon8652

Hi guys, I'm sorry I haven't been able to give advice, I've been rather greedy in taking it lately instead, and I appreciate anyone who has any input. So update from last post on Christmas Day. I was on the verge of texting her, but I did not, as I realized it was not my place to break NC, if it was going to happen, it needed to come from her. So this is where I am. Today was day 22 of NC, and the most shocking thing to me was that I did not receive a call at any point in those three weeks, and more importantly, received nothing on Christmas. That really blew me away, Christmas is her favorite time of the year, and she couldn't even send a text. To me, that really felt like it was the final straw. But talking to people, I realized that Christmas is more of a family holiday, and it wasn't the worst thing that she didn't contact me. Also, as long as three weeks feels to me, it is not that long in the sense of No Contact. Three weeks, if I am to learn anything from this board, is a very short period of time. My concern right now is my birthday. In about an hour it will be the 30th, and I will be 24. I am so scared that she will not contact me, after three years together. My family and friends said that no message on the birthday is just rude, and now I am completely scared about what will happen. On the other hand, if she doesn't contact me, do I still have any chance of being with her again? I have really been trying hard to keep to NC, and I feel proud that she didn't get the satisfaction of my contacting her on Christmas. I know I sound all over the place, I just don't know what to do right now. I just want her to contact me, to know that she still cares. I don't even know if she called or texted me that I would pick up. Honestly, I'm hoping I wouldn't. The scariest thing about my position right now is being long distance. I feel as though I don't have the option of running into her in town, and if I'm going to commit to NC, then it really is cutting her out of my life. I hate how that sounds and I hate how it feels. And I'm scared that NC combined with being long distance will just further the distance between us. Also, is it horrible that she hasn't contacted me in three weeks? Or is that normal? Is it horrible that I received no message on Christmas? Or should I just look at the larger picture and remember that none of this is important and I should give her space if I ever want to stand a miniscule chance again? Any advice on my ramblings is greatly appreciated, and I promise that whatever happens with my current situation, when I get to a stronger point I will respond to your messages and give the best advice that I can. Thanks again.

Hey guys I really need some help here... My gf broke up with me two and a half weeks ago, after three years she said it just wasnt working and it hadn't been working for awhile. We have not talked since then and I understand the idea of NC and am a firm believer in it. However, she has not contacted me today, Christmas, even with a small text. I did not expect a love you or miss you, or anything similar to that, but just a small "Merry Christmas" would be nice just on a formal level. My question to the board is, should I send a small text, along the lines of "Merry Christmas" or "Hope your family has a nice holiday"? Or should I just let it pass and leave it alone. I am all about giving her space, I just feel really hurt about not getting even a small text on today of all days. What should I do??

Hi everyone... I left a message yesterday with my story...but it's long and too detailed and now I write with a couple of comments and questions looking for advice. I was in a mostly long distance relationship for three years, we broke up once in the first year, and again this past August. We'd been having issues for a little while and last Thursday she broke up with me again. Immediately I found this website, and have put into effect No Contact. Is there a period of time after which NC begins to lose its effect? Is a week too soon to even start thinking like that? I understand that it is more about healing yourself, but as for hoping to keep your significant other interested, is there a period of time where I should just give up? Talking to my friends, some thought after three weeks it's time to give up, while others suggest a few months. Also with the approaching holiday, after which is my birthday, should I bother a Christmas call, text, or possible voicemail? Or should I let her contact me? And if she does, should I let it go and call her back a few days later? I understand I am completely overthinking this, but how can I not. I am so confused, but keeping up hope and holding strong.

Thank you for your advice, I would agree with everything that you are saying, and knowing what three years feels like, I can only imagine what five would feel like. I don't know what to feel right now, the only thing I do know is that there is still a feeling of hope for me. At the same time if there is one thing I can take away from almost everyone on this site it is that I am going to keep going NC for as long as possible. I don't know how to deal with the holidays, I mean in terms of contact, do I send a text? If she contacts me do I pick up the phone? That I am still unsure about. However, at this very second I feel that I cannot give up completely. I mean just hearing the fact that you were able to give it another try after a few weeks, even just to know it wasn't going to work, makes me happy. I can only hope that I am given that chance, but also understand if I am not. I would love if we were able to give it another go, but even if it did not work, I think I would feel the same as you, more at peace with the situation. For me, the NC is more about not being needy. I know how I sounded that last time I saw her, and if there is anything that she is able to see in this period of time it is my hope that she understands I am trying to learn about myself and become more independent. I guess we will see.

Hi all, new to the board, new to the break up. Probably gonna be a long story, thanks in advance to anyone who makes it through. I have a lot to say. My girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago, after 3 years together. She was a year ahead of me in school, and we started dating during her last semester or college. When she graduated she began living at home, two hours away. By the time I graduated, she had a job in Virginia, four and a half hours from where I lived. Essentially, 90% of the relationship was long distance. After I graduated from college last December, I spent a long time working at my previous job at the deli, looking for a better job. The first time we broke up was after a year together. We had been drinking with friends and got into a fight because she thought I was always asking her to stop. We got into a really ugly screaming match and then she spent the night on a random girls couch, and drove home the next morning. I called constantly leaving many voicemails and things of that nature. A few days later she called and told me she sent me an email, basically asking me if I wanted to try it out again. I called her back and we got back together immediately. Throughout the relationship we struggled with different things. I have always had insecurity issues, and I always struggled with trust and being obsessive. Obsessive in the sense that I felt like I was always thinking of her, and that many times I put her before myself, even though she constantly asked me to think of me. In many ways I realize that it would have made her a lot happier for me to do things for myself, instead of always thinking of things I could do for her. Things were always up and down with us, we would get into lots of little insignificant arguments on the phone, and we saw each other every two weeks. We broke up again in July of this year because of a little fight we got into probably stemming from something stupid I said. We didn’t talk for a few days, and then agreed to take it slow back into the relationship, over a period of months. Of course that didn’t happen and within the next month or six weeks we were back to where we had been before. This past Thanksgiving we had a nice time, mostly good, until the day I left. As we were eating I made some comment about hoping she wasn’t going to go to an art show that one of her ex boyfriends would be at. Immediately that set off something, and we spent the next hour talking, until she said she thought we should break up. Somehow we came up with the idea of taking a month without talking, and then deciding what to do before Christmas. The day after I left her house, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a couple of books on jealously and obsession in relationships for myself. I also bought a couple of books for her on deciding what to do and if to stay with someone. I wrote a brief letter of explanation, made sure not to use the word love, and sent the books. She never responded, and I missed her so bad that two weeks later, I decided to drive down to her apartment and surprise her. Just to clarify, this is something that I have done for the past year. Sometimes we would get into fights, or something would happen, and I would drive down and surprise her. We always had a nice time, and we would fall asleep in each others arms. This time was different however. She came into her apartment, and I was already there. She had just gotten back from her therapist, whom she had started seeing every couple of weeks. She was surprised to see me, and did not look happy. I broke down immediately, something that after reading these boards I see was a horrible thing, and told her how hard it was and how much I missed her. I talked and talked and she cried and talked and then was quiet. She didn’t know what to say and eventually I asked her if she was breaking up with me, and she slowly responded, yes. It went on a little more, and I begged for another chance. She said no, and I said I wasn’t going to give up on her, and if she would be able to see me in a month. Of course she said no, and that she didn’t know if she would be able to be with me again. She said it wasn’t working, that there were patterns to the way we fought, a few good weeks, and then a couple bad. She said the therapist told her to choose from the heart when deciding to be with me. She also said she wouldn’t be able to be friends with me for awhile just because of the way things were. I left from there, and haven’t spoken to her since. That was last Thursday. I found this site a few days ago and have been realizing all of the mistakes I have made. I am sure everyone that reads this could see all of the things wrong with this relationship, but I remember the good times. I know I can’t call her, and I know I have to go NC. I want to know what people think about the situation, what people think about my chances, if I have any, and what to do about Christmas, my birthday and New Years, the threesome that is rapidly approaching. Should I leave a nice voicemail? Send a text? Or not do any of that unless she makes contact first? I appreciate any and all feedback, and even with all of the pain I’m in, am very grateful for this site and the stories everyone has shared. It’s nice not to be alone. Thanks.