WWWHHHYYY

I agree with your last post carzyaboutdogs but I do have a question for you? Should someone stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy daily to do the "right thing" for their spouse? Should you bring misery to yourself to please others?

Batya33 you have stated that you are not married and act as if you have never done anything wrong in your entire life so why do you continue to give your opinion on something that you are not capable of understanding? It is very easy to say what the right thing to do would have been. But guess what? What is done has already been done! Yes, in the perfect world no one would cheat on their spouse. I have already committed that sin and am now looking for advice on where to go from here. I am asking if the risk is worth taking to leave my safety net and try thing with someone new who I actually have a connection with. The only advice you have been able to give has been telling me that what I have done is wrong. I ALREADY KNOW THAT. I have God to answer t for that and don't need you to continue to pass judgment on me. May I add although this has been going on for three yeas, We restrained from seeing each other for two of those years and have seen each other on very few (like three) occasions since this all began. So it's not about sex for me in any way. I just want people's opinion on if I should play it safe or take the risk.

Thank you again jdk77. I have come to the conclusion that although people don't understand your situation and have no desire to understand, they will beat you down anyway and call it "advise".

I actually would not be surprised. I would feel hurt but relieved. A lot of things of the past would finally make sense to me.

Becasue I did give my husband that consideration when I had several reasons on several occasions to believe that he cheated on me, I guess I will. The damage that has been done in this marriage has been a two way street. I guess you have NEVER been dishonest about anything or have had someone be dishonest about anythingto you in a relationship. I have never seen a realtionship that perfect but I guess it is possible

TO EVERYONE WHO RESPONDED: Thank all of you for your advise. jdk77, I truly hope that things work out for you and your situation. Just remember that it may not be easy. I do consider myself to have morals and values. Like everyone else walking Gods green earth, I am not perfect. Neither are my husband, the "other man" or you for that matter. It has taken me at least two and a half years to come to terms with the fact that I can not continue to live an unhappy life beacuse of one mistake I made at age 19, six years ago. Yes, I should have a commitment to only myself and God becasue there are no children involved in this marriage. This has been a long road for me, one I have choosen to walk but still long. I have to come to my destination soon. The bottom line is that I must make a decision. I can not continue to let things go on like they have. I have set a dealine of Janurary 15th 2007 for myself. Thank you everyone.

I may not have given enough info on this post. Everyone is beating up the "new Guy's fatherhood". He is a great father to his child and the children of his childs mother. The only father that they have ever had in their life. So his fatehrhood is not a question for me.

The other man and myslef are on different coast within the U.S. (east/west). He currently plans to move to my area due to his job no matter if we hook up or not. I know for a fact that he is not married, not just off of his own word. I understand people will tell you anything they think that you wnat to hear but it has been my experence that untrue thoughts and ideas don't usually remain constant as his have over the last 36 months. There are normally loop holes which I have been looking for and have not been able to find.

Melrich, you are very correct. I have let that be an aoption for so long that although I am not happy in a threesome situation, I have become complacent in a sense.

Thanks for your advise melrich. Your right it isn't only about me and I am didn't mean to come off that way. I know that I HAVE to make a decision and that is why my post my have appeared to be slef-centered. I am thinking of all parties involed. If I weren't, I would have already done what I think is best for me.

Give him his space and let him make the decision that is best for him. That is all that you can do t thia point.

I am a 26 year old female with no children that has been married for six years. My husband and I dated for a very short time before marrying young. We have had our up's downs and much time apart due to our career fields. Three years ago during one of our long separations, I meet a man that I was very physically attracted to. I learned that he had a child from a previous five year off an on relationship with a woman who has several children from other previous relationships. I managed to keep my distance from him for a few months but near the end of my time around him I let my guard down. He and the mother of his child were off and had been off for six months when he and I initially hooked up. I very quickly discovered that I was not only attracted to this man physically but also mentally and spiritually. I now that sounds weird since I was in the process of breaking one of the Ten Commandments. But the emotion that I felt for him was so deep. He wanted me to leave my husband for him but at that time I was very uncertain. He didn't pressure me and even gave me and my marriage space. This along with other events caused me to begin to look at my marriage and my life. I felt and feel like I have sold myself self short in many ways. I have committed to share the rest of my life with someone who I have had to raise, someone who has no sense of family, some one who I can not see spending the rest of my life with. He has done things that have convinced me that he would not be a good father and that is why I have refused to start a family with him. He has disappointed me time and time again in many different situations and appears to have no real direction. I love my husband, not enough to accept all of his faults or be totally happy with him for the rest of my life. I enjoy the security that he provides. On the other hand the other guys posses many of the qualities that I enjoy and we have much more in common that my husband and I ever have. Or will for that matter. We share common interest and career and life goals. Both he and the mother of his child live on a different coast than I do. I am feeling insecure in some ways about him and her although he has been telling me from day one that he does love her but he loves me also and he knows that he and she will be something that will never work. I know that they have a history. He and I have spoken in depth about our feelings for each other and he has made it clear that if I were not married that he would do any thing that it would take to be with me. Including being involved in a long distance relationship with me for about a year. So what do I do? Do I let this man pull me from a marriage that I no longer trust anyway and hope that things work out? Everything happens for a reason, right? I feel like I can't go through life without knowing if this guy and I are truly meant for one another. I also can't continue to sin and be stuck between the two. But at the same time I am afraid to take the risk. The other guy and I staying away from each other is not and option. It hasn't worked for more than a few months at a time and even then, I still think of him daily. I don't want to have regrets but I know that in life you must sometimes take risks. Should I risk it and see what blooms between he and I or play it safe in my marriage until I just can't take it any more? Do I follow my heart or my mind?