Brady4

Hi there, I'm a reasonably handsome, confident dude, but there's been something on my mind that's kinda killing my confidence and bringing me down a bit. It's recently been bothering me more, maybe because I'm coming off a break-up, or maybe because I'm just getting older (nigh 21)... My problem is that my one humerus (upper arm bone) is about 1.5 inches shorter than the other, b/c I damaged the growth plate a few years back. I notice it, because it's really my only source of insecurity, but I'm not sure how noticeable it is to the rest of the world, because i've only been asked about it once. So either they don't notice, don't care, or are too embarrassed to ask... and I never bring it up either. I can get the discrepancy corrected, but the process seems pretty horrendous. Other than worrying about seeming freaky, (even though i have lots of friends, am in otherwise great shape, and have a pretty cool personality) it doesn't really bother me. But, I don't want to seem freaky either. I'm really not sure what I'm looking to gain from this post, maybe just get it off my chest a bit and get a little peace of mind. So I guess just leave your thoughts... maybe a haiku, your telephone number, a joke, pictures of your hot family members...? Thanks

So I've been doing NC since I posted this thread, and it's been going pretty well... I haven't felt the need to call, and I haven't really been worrying about when or if she'll call. However, I was out with my friends last night, and they told me that a couple weeks ago, my younger sister was drrrrrrrrunk, and she had a quick conversation with my ex-gf: "I think you should go back out with my brother again, he's really lonely, and all he does is mope around the house since you guys have broken up." I wasn't there, but my ex-gf made no reply, got awkward, and left the party. What my sister has said really isn't true, as I'm never moping or talking about the ex-gf, and I've been away at college through most of the break up. Anyway, I feel that this really messes with things, because basically my sister led her on about how much I miss her... which means she's totally comfortable with her situation (I'm guessing, although that may have made her more unconfortable). I said I'd like some power back, so that we could be friends/whatever in the future, but I'm not sure how to handle this setback. Any ideas?

Has anyone on this board been the dumper. Furthermore, after you dumped your bf/gf, you really wanted to stay friends with them... only to have them try NC with you? I try to put myself in her shoes, but I can't figure out if she really just wants to stay friends or wants to keep me as an option for the future. So has anyone been on the other side of things?

Those are all great posts, thanks Bethany. Another question though... I've obviously been trying NC for the past couple months, and we've been broken up for about 9 months now: Is it too late to start NC? I've broken it so many times, that she's probably getting comfortable with her position (that she keeps reeling me back). Will complete ingnorance of her on my part cause her to reevaluate her position? I guess I'm just looking for some power in the relationship, because I've been a softie so far.

Thanks for the advice iceman Make sure you're definitely a little aloof tomorrow, without much expectation. That's how I always go into the "hang-out" session, but then she comes on a little more interested/flirty, and my problem is that I give into it. I wouldn't be stuck in this situation if I didn't succumb to her flirtyness, or if i were asexual.

Seems like all three of you are in agreement that I should go NC, which makes enough sense. But here's my thought: my girlfriend has always liked that I've been nice, trustworthy, and loyal. If I suddenly stop returning phone calls, texts, IMs, etc. then I've effectively eliminated one of my positive traits. Couldn't this just make her think, "well, he's an * * *, I'm moving on (again)"? This is probably just the paranoia in me coming out, but Just a thought.

Hello everyone at eNotAlone... I've been cruising this site for about two weeks now, and I think the advice given on these boards really is top notch. I peruse for topics that seem analogous to my situation, but alas, every relationship is different... so I'd appreciate you shedding a little light on mine. My girl broke our 18 month relationship off at the beginning of this school year (we were both sophomores in college) about 9 months ago. We did the whole long distance thing (I'm at ND, she's at pittsburgh), but I see her about every 2 or 3 weeks, because we both put in a lot of effort to get together. We had a very strong, caring relationship, and both of us made sacrifices for the good of the relationship and each other. One stormy night at the end of September, she tells me that she needs her space, because otherwise nothing would ever come between us, and we'd basically be married. I was crushed, but the only thing I could do was understand. After the breakup, I made the usual dumb mistakes: drunk, emotional calls; sending bday presents and holiday cards; checking away messages and facebook profiles with fury; etc. However, we still talked all the time, and in her eyes I was not overbearing or too needy, even though in my mind I was. Since the break up, I know for a fact that she hasn't been with anybody else, because her roomate is a mutual best friend, who has confirmed this many times. Also, my ex has trouble letting people into her life, and was only ever in the romantic side of things for the emotion, not the lust. Tell me I'm in denial, but considering her personality, I don't see it happening. Summer comes: we live less than a mile away. I start reading this board, and just completely give up on contacting her, which is hard, but feels kind of good, because I feel like some of the power is back in my court. She starts calling me every night, and I oblige, because I enjoy talking to her. Then we'll hang out one-on-one, and it feels like we're back together (not hooking up, just a lot of flirting). I'm always a little hurt when I leave, because I've built up my expectations, and the hang-out amounts to nothing really. This results in me calling her when I get home, and telling her I can't see her anymore, which excites tears on her end of the phone, which makes me feel terrible, and I tell her not to worry about it. The next few days, I feel like an * * *, so I don't try to call her. Eventually she'll start calling, and the cycle starts anew. Anyway, she's my best friend, so is it wrong for me to be trying to cut her from my life like this? Is she just stringing me along? If we are truly nothing more than friends now (however, I still have a lot of emotion invested in it, and I'm assuming she does as well), can I be stuck in friend zone long enough to destroy any chances with her in the future? We have plenty of mutual friends, so I'll inevitably see her, how do I handle this? If I keep in contact with her, will I every truly be able to give my heart to somebody else? What's the average wind speed of an African swallow? Your time and advice is greatly appreciated!