anon1977

Your comments just then really touched me, I really want my partner to react that way so I would finally feel accepted for all parts of me. I guess it's what I've always wanted but never had, real acceptance and a sense of belonging somewhere that I want to be. But I'm scared I won't get that acceptance and it would ruin me more than pretending I have no history.

My feeling is a mixture of different emotions that I really need to face up to properly, denial and avoidance has been my friend so far in regards to this (yes, unhealthy but I needed to get on with my life). Yes, my grief is for how my family treated each other and for how I wasn't looked after properly as a child, this, and the fact that they are poor, cause the shame. And it is one of the worst human emotions that leaves you detesting a part of yourself that you had no control over. Not sure how to make it go away, though.

Thanks, I appreciate your comments. I would love to be strong enough just to come out and tell him, but the idea of doing it really terrifies me. I still have a fear of being judged based on the 'class' I was born into, I like to believe those prejudices in people don't exist, but they do. Unfortunately I have seen those prejudices in my boyfriend's well-to-do family who think that everyone is just like them. I don't know how different he is to them...or i could be underestimating him too.

After 3 years it probably about time you confronted him about this, you say that he hasn't tried to kiss you, but have you told him you like him more than a friend? He either: 1. Just wants to be friends, 2. Has feelings for you but doesn't know if you do too so hasn't done anything about it, or 3. Is confused about his sexuality. You won't know for sure unless you ask and tell him how you feel, but also you don't want to ruin the great friendship it sounds like you have. God, that's a hard one. I would bite the bullet and discuss it with him, in an open way that hopefully won't interfere with your friendship.

My first post, I hope someone can offer me some suggestions/advice. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and we've lived together for 2 months, yet he knows virtually nothing about my family background. To have a future I know I have to open up to him about these things, but I feel a great deal of shame and embarrassment about my family which makes it really hard for me to share with him. I don't want him to think less of me because of my background. I haven't had any contact with my family for 3 years (my choice) and very little since I left home at age 17. I have pretty much decided to deny they exist for the moment until I'm emotionally strong enough to deal with them, and until I can acknowledge and come to terms with where I came from. My bofriend's family is completely opposite to mine: his family are wealthy, well-educated (all doctors), loving and caring to each other. My family are very poor, uneducated and abusive to each other . They live in squallor (The term 'trailer park trash' springs to mind). I left home at the age of 17 (11 years ago) to make something of my life and to escape the abuse, and I have done that - put myself through university with no financial or family support and have worked hard to get to my current position in a well-paid proffessional job. It sounds bad, but I feel 'above' my family and would be mortally embarrassed if my partner ever saw them or where they live. I have an enormous sense of shame when I think of my family, and a lot of hurt from past abuses, but I can't keep on pretending I don't have a family and I can't keep hiding my true history from my partner - I won't really feel connected until I do. I know if he loves me he will try to understand, but still I am utterly terrified to tell my boyfriend about my family. I've moved on with my life but this bottling up is really starting to affect me and is affecting my relationship too. Can anyone help?