afraidofloosingher

I appreciate all your postings, and I know a lot of what my wife has told you by what she has told me. First is that my son to me is my son and my wife is not sure either since the day that she returned 13 years ago we made love on the couch and then a couple of times after that. The picture that she says is a dead ringer is one inwhich is his jail posting with beard and all while Christopher has genetice teath disorders that follows in my family and closly resembles all other members of my family when we were children. I know I have not been a great husband and was distant but I got that way after years of trying to be close to her and she yelling at me to get the hell away. I truly love my wife and am totally confused by how she has just reciently started letting me hold her again and then having this bomb dropped on me. I know I need counseling and would be willing to do anything to keep my wife even after all the problems we have had. I was with her when she went through her gambling phase and lost all the house money till we lost the house and disapeared for days on end. I was with her when she went through drinking several cases of beer only to blame me on drinking them when she could not even walk up the stair. I have tried to understand and knew it was a lot to do with me but I still love her and am willing to move forward but I don't think she want to. I feel so lost at what to do I can not eat or even work. I just sit in my office and feel depressed. Sorry for laying this on everyone but I just don't know what to do.

I have not ruled out couseling and am currently looking for one that I can afford and work with. I have no insurance that would cover it and our expenses right now prevents me from being able to afford one. There is a county mental health clinic that I will try if I can't find anything but that is a distance away and cost of gas is a major problem. I am also contiplating discussing it with my niece that deals with family issue to see if she knows of anyone that can help.

I don't know if she has or not. I personally believe that she love me but with my actions in the past is confused about the issue. I feel responsible because it is like it took something extremely valuable and tossed it aside without thinking what it really ment to me. So now I am trying to pull it out of the trash and put it in a special place to protect but don't quite know how to do that. Hence the posting to try and get some advice on how I can do that to convice her of my love for her and to rekindle that flame in her again.

Thanks for your responce but a couselor is currently not possible. We are struggling to keep our house and feed the kids until my pay status improves. Plus to find a good couselor is not very easy. I have a niese and nephew that are physicolgist and they tell me about some of the counselor out there. I do feel as you do that we are not a wash out but have a lot of work to do. Especially ME!

By the way. Thanks for the posting. I may not totally agree but I appreciate your responce.

I don't need a DNA test to prove he is my son. I have raised him for 12 years and he is everything I am and more. Genetics does not make a father love does. We are not trying to hide anthing from each other as well. That is the purpose of posting together. We are just looking for some helpfull advice. I know that people say to go to couselors but we have fond that conselors don't alway help but in some cases are harmful and still cost money and we are currently not financially able to take on a counselor.

One of the problems is that you are simply thinking of just having sex. If you truly love each other then it is not just having sex but making love to each other. There is a difference. To have sex you just do it. To make love you take the time to comfort each other and become familiear with each other and each others personal pleasures. If you do this then thing will become more relaxed and nature will take its course.

My wife and I will be married for 16 years them June and this last month she has told me about a one night stand that she had 13 years ago that may have resulted in the birth of my son. She also told me that she is going to go see an old boyfriend that she has never stopped loving and may not return home to me. First of all the one night stand did not come as a great shock though it does hurt terribly and I know that my son is mine not his. Second, I can understand her feelings about the boyfriend because things have not always gone the way I wanted them to and I have been a total jerk and * * * concentrating on work, home and the kids that I have neglected her and in many cases, to my greatest regret, have lost my since of mind and been abusive. I know I can not take the abusive ness away but am committed to counseling, anyone know of a good online counselor by the way? My question is, how can I keep my wife that I love more than life and convince her to come back home to me when she goes to see her old boyfriend? I am desprite and can hardly eat or sleep worring about what I can do and what may happen. So I am preading for some adivce in this matter.