Arielle

I've been reading your posts and I feel very badly for you! I went through a lot of the same feelings that you are going through now. I know someone said it in a previous post, but I'll go ahead and repeat it. You seem like a very poetic writer, and I bet writing is helping you get through this process? When my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago I started a daily journal just saying what I was feeling at the moment and it did seem to help when I verbalized some of my emotions. I thought about him constantly just like you are doing now. Although it was mostly a cyber relationship, we talked about everything and anything. So in other words, EVERYTHING around me reminded me of him. I felt like I just couldn't get away from him. I'm a pretty busy person, but one thing I allowed myself to do was to feel sorry for myself and cry after my children were in bed. I derived a weird comfort from listening to sad breakup songs. I read his old emails but felt sick and hollow inside because his messages were so full of love for me - how could he have changed his mind so quickly? Finally about a month ago I woke up with a sore throat. That was good enough for me! I called in sick to work, sent my kids to school, and treated myself to a really nice pity party. I deleted most of his messages while listening to Sheryl Crow's "My Favorite Mistake" and threw out a lot of physical reminders. I felt a little better after that, but I realized that I couldn't seem to survive with the few special things I kept. On a recent weekend, while my kids spent two days with grandparents, I gave myself ANOTHER pity party, got rid of everything else I had that reminded me of him, and wrote the longest journal entry a person could possibly write. I wrote down everything I could possibly think of about him and our relationship. Then I printed it off, read it outloud to myself twice, spoke a few words outloud to him as if he was standing next to me, tore up the journal entry and threw it in the trash. I'm not close to being over him, but I do feel a lot better now, especially since I wrote to this forum for the first time a few days ago. I didn't feel myself improving every day, but I could tell that each week I was getting a little bit better. I don't know if this would work for you, but I felt I had to be proactive and take aggressive action to get over him. I hope you feel better some time soon, and please keep us posted!

Thank you all very much for the hugs and comfort. I think that just by communicating with people on this site part of the huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I really have no one to talk to about this, and I felt like that was part of what was holding up the healing process. Bethany, there is a lot of wisdom in what you said. If he does email me back, I'm not going to pretend nothing happened, but at least I'll be able to address him in a more calm, controlled way. And if he doesn't email me back, well, who needs him?

LOL Bethany!!!! Lord knows I thought about doing that more than a few times, though if I do it after 2 months it wouldn't have the same impact as doing it right away. Thanks for brightening my day!

Thanks Kellbell and Whatsagirltodo for replying so quickly. I think there's truth in what both of you have said. He might have an ultra-significant other, but I thought we had a type of relationship that he could tell me about her. I've often told him that I had no ownership over him, and if he found someone special and wanted to break off with me, I'd miss him, but I would understand. And it would only be natural if he felt like he was leading me on or holding me back. I can almost see him thinking that if he acted like a jerk maybe I'd get angry with him and get over him sooner. But it's not working - I'm heartbroken and having a hard time getting over him. I cling to his "might get back to me" message and I don't want to do anything to drive him away for good. AND thank you so much for the support. I really need it right now.

Hello Everyone, I've been following the breakup threads for the past few months and I want to compliment everyone on the great advice you are giving out. I'm starting to heal just a little bit from a breakup, but I think I need some help in taking the next steps. I've been a widow for five years and I have two young children. I had a relationship with a childhood friend of my husband's for the last two years. It was mostly a cyber relationship as he lives and works overseas, but I used to see him when he would come back to the US to visit his parents. Our relationship was somewhat romantic, but it was mostly a very deep, rewarding friendship. There was no pressure on us, as there was no way my children and I would ever move overseas with him, and there was no way he was ever going to move back to the US. Finally, I know he has girlfriends where he lives and it does not bother me in the least. He had told me all about them, and we would joke about the bad advice I would give him. We used to email each other every day and we shared everything with each other. A few months ago, he went two weeks without emailing me. I mailed a few messages to him, and he finally answered me back by saying he thought I should start dating other men, and that he "might check up on me later on to see how I'm doing"! That surprised me because he seemed to always accept the fact that I was busy with my children, my career and my continuing education, and I had no interest in dating at this time. I wrote him back and said I was puzzled because it never seemed to be an issue with him before. He has not emailed me back. I was absolutely devastated for many reasons. There was no warmth or personality in his last email. There was no saying that our relationship was meaningful to him any way. He did not say anything like good luck in the future. Since I didn't know at the time that was going to be his last email I did not say all of the things I wanted to say in my final reply. For the first time I felt like I could not communicate with him. I've been suffering through my own NC issues. After one month of not hearing from him, I deleted most of his messages. Just last week, I deleted all of his remaining messages, his pictures, and donated the gifts he gave me to the Salvation Army. I desperately want to email him one more time, not so much to chew him out, but to give a final goodbye to give me some closure to the relationship. I feel like I can't heal any further without emailing him one more time, but I feel like it could be a mistake if I do. Does anyone have any advice?