AntiLove_SuperStar

Ya, I'd like to second/third the notion that just pressuring her will only backfire on you. She'd come to resent you, and later on you may well feel guilty.

If it gets to about a year or so and she hasnt changed, I think she may have a problem with trusting you and then you'll have to ask her whether it's something she can overcome.

Ya see..for all you know, as well, she may have issues about sex/intimacy that she hasnt shared, from abuse or whatever, so really...dont push it! If you are desperate for sex i think you should find another girlfriend.

I think you did the right thing by deciding to end it, stick to that decision because if nothing else, it really doesnt sound like a healthy relationship if he's threatening to kill himself if/when you leave him...what a nasty thing to do to you.

Please understand that you are not responsible for his actions. Obviously, when you break up with him you will cause him some very strong negative feelings, but its down to him how ridiculously over-the-top he reacts.

I had a similar situation. We were not engaged, but one of my exes became suicidal after I ended it and I had to phone his brother in a moment of crisis to stop him killing himself.

Explain to him that it really is over, it's because of your ages, and that a clean break is best for both of you. This means NO contact, otherwise he will try and get closer to you again and this will result in more anguish for him.

Absolutely tell his parents/one of his parents, you dont have to go into detail, just say *(huis name) and I arn't with each other any more, and about the time it ended I became really concerned about how down he is, I thought as his parents you'd like to know*.

Then RUN. Away.

Surely if you are reaching a point where you can comtemplate being without him for a long period of time that answers your own question ie, no, you don't have the same feelings any more? I dont know, I usually interpret *breaks* as *slow, polite breakup technique*.

He does sound rather hypocritical, which probably stems from his own insecurity?

Big important talk is needed here, either way.

I have problems with this too, but mainly because I have gender issues (with myself, I feel like I should be a guy) so Im jealous of any woman who is happy being a woman..which externally at least is a LOT.

Thanks everyone..

Hey Im no emo..oh maybe just a little bit..I am definitely going to Studnet DropIn tomorrow, theres no other real option.

Im going to try and trim this story as much as possible so Ill do it in bullet points:

-I was a wellbehaved but unhappy child, and even more unhappy in adolescence, when I started getting depressive episodes and eating disordered behaviours.

-When I was 16 I started having manic depressive symptoms, my first major manic episode being late 2004-early 2005.

-This, along with inappropriate subject choices, caused me to break down that year, my first in non-compulsory education. I left with C,C,D grades and thereforeeee didnt complete the second year of AS/A2 levels, so I only got AS levels, and they arnt that great at C C and D.

-The next academic year my mother suggested doing things Id always reall wanted to do, so I enrolled to do AS/A2's at a new college in Drama, Art, Philosophy. At first report, tutors were very impressed/pleased with me..

-Ive been going down since Christmas and doing less and less college work, in fact I have 33% of my entire Art grade-worth of work due on Monday..have done none of it, and most of these days I dont even care.

-My mother knows how bad I am mentally and I hav an *Urgent Psychiatric Referral* pending, and I feel like I may have to admit mtself to a unit soon because my head is going crazy and unliveable with, and thats enoguh for her to deal with, how do I turn and say "oh yes and on top of everything, Im also now on course to do terribly my AS levels AGAIN, for the SECOND time"..

Two major things Id like to vent about..

1) My boyfriend's dad died on Tuesday/Valentines Day at 3pm. His family were with him in hospital at least.

My b/f is, understandably, very very upset by this..his dad was at work just one month ago. He still insisted on doing valentines day though, he bought me lots of stuff, took me out to dinner...it made me cry, he's going through all that pain and he still made all that effort, more than most guys who didnt have any problems would. I was so touched..argh its all so emotional at the moment, Im here when he needs/wants to see me, but right now he doesnt want anyone to see him *like this* which Ive respected but inwardly, its driving me crazy because I know hes hurting and I have an urge to hold him, nake sure hes OK, anything..arrghhh

2) Today I went to doctors for my various mental health problems, and it really hit me today just how ill I am.

He was a very pleasant / professional guy which was good because I had a lot of stuff I had to say...its his opinion I have Bipolar Disorder but need a full evaluation..everything just hit me today. All these years of delusions and paranoia and moodswings, I wsa only in there 15 minutes but I qualified for Urgent Referral to psychiatrist..which I agree with, but wow, doesnt that bring the

*I AM VERY MENTALLY ILL*

message home or what? Then I explained everything to mom and again, I realised just how much I need help and namely medication, I have virtually no control over my moods at all.

And I have so much to combine with getting better..I have to rehearse for a main role in a play upon which 4 peoples college grades depend, i have to be strong for my boyfriend, I have to get sorted with meds. I have to learn to drive..it goes on.

Absolutely...I had to break up with someone I was completely in love with last year, and it utterly broke me for several months. But..Ive found someone much more suitable now, and Im very glad actually that me and the ex DID break up! You have no idea what life will throw at you..or who, for that matter.

It sounds a little inconsiderate, to be honest. It must be kinda disappointing for you, and if he does it a lot, it cant be good for your self esteem!

Id second what RayKay said.. keep us updated, what happened? It does sound symptomatic of a deeper probelm in your relationship.

Just like to point out, some people who have partners and its Valentines Day...it sucks then ,too..a lot of pressure. I dislike it, even though I havnt been single for awhile. Im all for focussing on oneself!

Absolute right decision.

Id be a bit put off just by the intensity, but to be honest, without trust you dont have a whole lot else, and it sounds like your boyfriend is/was still emotoinally involved with this girl, if not physically.

Thank you very much,Shy. And all the wonderful people on here.

Oh Emma! That's such a lot for you to deal with, but can I say how well you put yourself accross, and how mature you sound for your age? (which is - very).

Its a good thing that your parents know, Im assuming they are going to be supportive? Its a shame that the father isn't, although I guess there is a chance that when he is older he will be curious about/want to be a part of the child/the child's life. Its extremely callous of him not to care, or appear not to, but you have the support of others and you seem a very strong individual.

I still enjoy it when Im having a thin day and people point it out.

Part of the reason I chose to put my picture on here was self acceptance, like Ive also put a mirror in my room for the first time ever lately.

I feel so goddamn ugly, it sucks like .. yeah.

Its already my life. For nearly four years. I hate and love it, it has become me, at least, my coping mechanism. It has robbed me of a lot of stuff in my teens. Argh!

What doesnt kill us makes us stronger, etc!

I was that person last year. I was about this weight, but had a manic phase (bipolar) that meant I was almost aggressively sexual and got through so many people. No way am I doign that!

I need professional help to find a middle ground , I guess.

Thank you, Shy, I appreciate all encouragement

Yeah..when I move out Ill get some kind of help, until then I use messageboards to vent. I know I have a problem,because I *want* to look ill, and this is probably linked to a want for attention, and to not be seen as sexy because that sucks. (which ill have to go into with therapist, I guess.)

Thanks everyone

It is a good thing, but to someone with an ED, its an identity, so its still painful to lose even if you feel physically better, its the lifestlye you miss. That made sense in my head

I admire you for sticking by her with this, it's hard.

I have an ED myself, id just like to say no matter how hostile or angry she gets, its not personal. Its all about internal rage...you probably knew that already but I just wanted to say it.

Hey everyone.

I am 5ft 7ins tall and I weighed myself the other day, I'm 133lbs. This gives me a BMI of 20.8 which is in lower half of healthy.

But I feel huge, at one point I was 108lbs and 5ft 6ins. OK fine, I was anorexic, but I really really miss it, and Im dieting as we speak. I have had an ED for about 3 years. I cant stop thinking about how big I must look...Im an American size 4 or 6 and yes *logically* I know Im not fat...but I feel it. I dont know what I hope to achieve from posting that, I just feel bad.

Although I must have quite a high metabolism because given the sheer quantity of junk Ive eaten over the past YEAR, I should be a lot bigger than that, I guess thats one blessing.

I work out 45 mins to 2 hours a day, usually an hour on average. Its all a big battle

Hey thats no problem at all, will help strenthen emotional bond between you/similar...I slept with my boyfriend regularly but we didnt have sex (other stuff, but not full sex) for the first 3 months of our relationship, and its going fabulously. It was mainly HIS decision to hold off, because of the age difference (im 17, hes 21) he said *I want to really feel like its something you really want, not just sometihng you feel you should want, Id hate myself for feeling like i took advantage of you*.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The last relationship that mattered to me before this one that I'm in now ended basically because...

Age/hassle we got over that (Me 16/17, him 14)

Religion (him practicing, very active Christian, me, spiritual tourist/La Vey Satanist at the time)

Parents (his, very controlling)

Mental health (mine was rubbish and it was a liot for him to handle, he loved me a lot and it hurt him when i was down, which was a lot)

But it was 2.5 of the happiest months of my life, and I still love him.

Ah dude, I'm really sorry to hear that you have been hurt so much by this.

I think that this has turned into something of an obsession, which started when you made the mistake of idolizing her. I think I can get where you are coming from because I was in that girl's position about a year ago. I didnt fall pregnant, but there was a guy who absolutely idolized me/saw me as flawless (and Im not. No one is) and not only was it somewhat scary for me (seeing a girl as perfect may come accross as romantci but in actual fact it gets freaky) but it hurt him greatly when he learnt i was with someone else, and he finally realised I didnt like him like *that*.

Dont try and fight the feelings, but seek out distractions, stay away from this girl - she has another, more complicated life right now - and this'll fade with time, honestly.

"...and he doesnt want to commit to me anymore like he made that clear..."

I think you are going to have to accept that when you told him ages ago that you weren't into him, you kind of killed the possibility of a relationship now.

I bet hes extremely confused as well, it all sounds very messy and like you two really would be better off as friends. I think hes right to be upfront and say he doesnt want a realtionship, and who would with someone who has previously not returned their feelings, and then all this on/off fooling around?

On a rational level, I think he just wants to be friends (although theres no *just* about friends, thats awesome) but ya know...he probab;ly still finds you physically attractive so will fool around with you if the opportunity arises, he's human.