AntiLove_SuperStar

EEEkkk she sounds fairly immature, I'd consider leaving her for two reasons..she doesn't want children, and she says things like that!

There are people who hate children when they are younger but then decide that they want them. My mom was/is a case in point. She married my dad when she was 21, and didnt want kids. However, at 28 or so, she quite suddenly decided she did want kids, so here I am (and my sister, a bit later).

Sigh..I used to feel like that. Eventually it comes back and bites you on the behind though, maybe not by those people you *took revenge* on, but your own guilt.

No, really. Im serious

Well...good luck.

Id say the very fact that you are questioning this enough to post it on a message board suggests that your feelings really have changed...I get the impression that no, you dont love him any more. Thats not to say you do not care about him, its just that...when two people love each other, they support each other through the rough stuff and not question if they should still be together?

so maybe its time to talk to him and see where you two are btoh at emotionally. maybe its just a phase but it doesnt sound that healthy right now.

Starsigns? I don't have a whole lot of faith in those. I'm an Aries, meaning I'm supposedly the most driven/ambitious/headstrong sign...Yeee--eeehhhh.

Revenge really is not a good idea. It does no one any good in the long run. Channel that energy into something else. I dont think there's anything wrong with *wanting* it, but *doing* it is wrong. Think about what you'd LIKE to do, that can help you vent, but you really will regret it if you through with it.

Im sorry she hurt you.

I really get feelings of intense loneliness and desperation from your post, which makes me sad, so firstly - i am sorry that you are in pain.

Secondly, I am glad that you are blessed with the insight that suicide is not the answer.

What does worry me though is how you seem very fixated on the idea of obtaining a girlfriend as the solution to your unhappiness. From experience...it isnt. And you won't be attracting a healthy kind of relationship anyway in your current state of mind, so I'd advise you to act upon your feelings that the world is a bad place and start out with voluntary work, and reaching out to other people to help them, which will heighten your self-esteem...

I havnt been single for 1.5 years, yet in that time I have experienced some of the worst depression I could ever have imagined. So Im telling you this for free...girlfriends/boyfriends, whether they be serious, short term, sexual, romantic..whatever...only serve as a distraction or life enrichment, they cannot provide you with real inner peace or happiness.

Lately I've been having this urge to have all my hair taken off. I dont know why and I suspect im not of sound mind right now, so Ive asked a couple of friends not to let me! I dont know..if I still want it in a months time, I may do it. my hairsonly chin-length now, anyway.

I was amazed by my recent experience, Im 17 and my boyfriend's 21. We got together on October 8th 2005, and I first slept over there in November. All he did was cuddle me, talk to me (in a genuine, get-to-know-you way), stroke my hair and kiss me..it was aweseom, like finally, Ive found a guy who wants ME, not potential for sex. Since then Ive slept over about...hmm... 20 or so times, and we still havnt gone the whole way. Its not a case of either of us being inexperienced, and we have done plenty of stuff (and amazingly good its been as well), but just built on it, and taken our time..its been 4 months now, and I think we are just about at the stage to take it the whole way about now.

It showed me that with patience, you can find a guy who wants more than just sex, and because we've built on emotional connections in the meantime, its all the more special.

Was that nauseating or what??

Anyway...in a way, if you have sex early on and it kills the relationship, at least it shows you in early stages what that guy was really like and what his motives were.

Ah..this is a pretty sad situation, she obviously wants to be with you as she comes back everytime she dumps you, but you cannot live your life being spyed on, especially as you have never actually committed the crime of cheating.

Id like to second the poster who said that if she doesn't appreciate your character after over 2 years, then it seems unlikely she will ever have any kind of real trust for you, you'll eventually get sick of it (which is justifiable) and you will probably leave her.

Is she in any kind of counselling for these issues? I think it should be suggested if she isnt.

If a guy distances himself from me, I give it a shortish amount of time-say, a week.

Then Id ask him *why* he'd changed.

Then take it from there. I know I sound jaded so young but I don't do mindgames any more, Im too blummin old for it (well, I feel it!) so it'd be a case of explain, or bye bye.

I dislike books like that anyway, they seem so tacky to moi.

Erm , short point... I for one am certainly attracted to my boyfriend who is romantic, considerate and treats me *right*. Very, very right in fact...you cannot use movies as a guide for real life!!

As for the original problem...I agree that this seems to be about your relationship rather than this one incident. Several things seem bad, like him hanging up on you when you try and talk about it...how incredibly disrespectful. It sounds like a very one-sided relatoinship, ie you making all the effort..gert out of it and look for someone who at least listens to you when you have strong emotions/feelings going on.

It certainly would.

I feel a bit better now, I spent the day at a good friend's house and talked it over.

Thank you everyone.

So it seems a little like...he isnt part of your everyday life, and you don't sound especially close as you dont feel he understands you?

Thats what marriage counselling is for I guess, to make you see how you two can become closer/feel more involved. Although..this'll only work if you both want to really repair your relationship.

The sex life..I think thats the end result of the other issues. If you feel closer emotoinally etc, thatll come back.

Well, this is an update on my situation as outlined in my recent postings RE: my boyfriend's father dying, he has around 5 days left according to doctors.

After spending Friday night with my boyfriend, I felt bad all day Saturday so I decided to distract myself...I did 2 hours/85km on the exercise bike, went online..and later I went to an ice hockey match with 3 of my friends.

I know all 3 of these people fairly well, especially one which I'll call D. Over the past week/two weeks, through BF's dad's gradual decline/as the stress situation escalated I confided in D as I have known him a couple of months through college and he's a nice, intelligent person who has had a lot of comforting things to say.

This morning though, having thought about it, I realised that on a couple of occasions D and I were almost..flirting and I feel like the worst person in the world, not only do I have a boyfriend but a boyfriend who really needs me right now. If you wanted to get psychological you'd probably say it was pure craving for distraction. Nothing *happened* but I feel so, so guilty I went home and binge ate until I was sick.

Then I thought, Im just going crazy here, we didnt *do* anything so why go mental and so guilty?

I think D is attracted to me. I dont know. If he is, I'll have to avoid him, I guess, as I cant ask him outright without sounding madly arrogant, but the last thing I need is a mess involving him. Now I sound like a complete *** on here

I was thinking about my boyfriend at least 60% of the time even when watching the match as well, so why? Inside I was having all these sad thoughts, outwardly I was being really extroverted etc, it felt so weird...ultimately I really liked being with friends though...it should be ok, i doubt D would do anything as he knows Im far from single? So I shouldnt have to avoid him?

arrrgrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Just taking everything a day at a time right now.

What exactly are these reasons that start to feel so ridiculous when you talk?

The first thing I thought of, I could be totally off-target here, was that you...have a complicated kind of missing-him thing going on. Even though he's always worked away from home, it could be starting to somehow mean more to you now that you are married.

Possibly you are depressed, as well. Perhaps not about this, but when people are depressed, they see everything more negatively. So, if your husband's absenses didnt affect you much before you became depressed, they might more so now, and may make the two of you feel more distanced from each other, thereby making you feel like its not working/giving you *that feeling*.

Counselling definitely would be helpful here.

Lots of good luck.

Oh lord, that's not good.

How little respect does this guy have for you? I bet if an ex of yours were moving in with you, and you had his photo ono your mirror, he'd freak.

I'd say End It. Once youve dated someone/slept with them for a few months theres a bond there of some kind, and that lasts foreever. And as another poster said, what about when you go round there and she's there? She's already there more than you are!

You deserve a better situation, Id have dumped anyone a long time ago who was behaving like this.

I'd just like to say..firstly, that does suck, I'm sorry to hear you are upset.

Main point is...you have to keep on truckin' because you have no idea who you will meet. I was completely broken hearted in May 2005 and was convinced I'd never feel like that for anyone again. Like you, I hadnt dated that guy very long. But..despite resenting all couples I saw for a while, and being very very sad a lot of the time, I started to focus on other things besides a potential lovelife. I got my faceparty account up and running again. And then one day..yes, out of the blue...a lovely 21 yr old student messaged me...4 months down the line, he is the sh*t, and although loving someone is a risk in itself, Im so happy I have him.

Keep the faith.

I saw my boyfriend yesterday afternoon and he dropped me home this morning - he found out yesterday morning that his dad has around a week to live.

A week. Not a couple of months or so as originally thought...but a week. His dad has just had his 51st birthday, he was at work a month ago...I can't believe it. I said Id do whatever was best for him (my boyfriend) and he said he'd like it if I stayed with him last night so I did...we spent such a weird night talking then not talking (just holding him) and watching a trashy movie as a distraction and at one point we both woke up from dozing and started to make out for a bit then I both think we remembered why we weren't in bed like usual (we were on the sofa), etc...

I stand by my decision to be strong and work on me so I can be best gf possible as he's going through sh*t but I had to get this out, I feel so so sad..but at least he still wants to see me, right? That means that at least he really trusts me and stuff?

Ive come home and worked out for an hour, just having a coffee..going to sleep..going to ice hockey game later with friends..but..its so awful.

Thanks for listening

quickfire love story...like it!

I've read through this thread and well.... firstly, I never realised just how young you are, Shy! You always come accross as much more mature than the average 23 year old in your posts.

I am going to have to be a real nuisance here, and suggest professional intervention. Don't dismiss it, even if you *know* your issues, it seems like you need help to change your thinking style to make you feel better. Im not saying you are crazy, or that you arnt an optimist, neither am I suggesting that you become some sort of madly over-optimistic type. It's just that you seem to need help to stop feeling everything so intensely..its like you have emotional burnout thats making you somewhat isolated, even if you do talk to people a lot via messageboards and have many acquaintances.

I think you need to tell him hes making you a bit uncomfortable with talking about sexual stuff so early...be upfront because itll only get harder to say as time goes on.

As for love..well, I think there are several indications, mine was quite recently with my boyfriend, he is in a lot of pain from his fathers terminal illness, and i realised when all i wanted to do was be like human blotting paper and wanting more than anything to somehow take his pain for him...things like that. thinking about them more than you think about you, caring for them like you'd care about yourself..ie a LOT!

its a massive topic, the answers here are pretty good I think.

thank you, both great replies, pretty much what i needed to hear/wanted to hear now.

I was thinking earlier, I am going to use this as a lever/prompt to really sort my life out so I can be there for my boyfriend. Im going to get overdue counselling for bipolar disorder, re-learn to drive (I quit due to depression) and maybe get a part time job and...im going to make an actual Plan of stuff I can do, and stuff I can do to release stress.

and i have my phone on me 24/7 and everything too. **its** not alright, but i really want to give **us** the best possible chance of being alright, if that makes any sense.

i will keep posting here.

Yes, of course it possible for a man to be faithful!

In my relationships which involved cheating - about 5 of them - it was ALWAYS *me* that did it. Ive known many a guy who has never been found to cheat.

Im not an unreasonable person, but he knew what he was doing. He knew your insecurities, and he still goes and does that.

Its not forgivable. Yes, he's wrecked a longterm relationship but thats his doing. Moving on is hard but its possibly the best thing to do in this situation...Im so sorry to hear what's happened.

Your post made me cry, why are you putting up with this?

He treats you like absolute rubbish - if this were, say, your daughter going through this, wouldn't you advise her to get out?

...."He is also a traveling consultant and during arguments has expressed wanting to be alone so he can sleep with whoever is at the hotel bar"....

Thats what really did it for me and made me reply. He doesn't love you. he doesn't respect you. Yet, you put up with it so of course he'll keep doing it, and will not change.

Its not your fault, its his...please, please end this relationship, its doing you no good whatsoever. And work on your self esteem.

I have no relationship with God, but Im fairly sure he wouldnt want you to suffer this if he has any kind of compassion.