coollady1957

I am not very good at interpreting dreams and their meanings. I know there alot of sites on the web that you can explore. Just type in and search for Dreams and Meanings or something to that effect. THere are quite a few, and some may be more helpful than others.

YOu are right on the situation with your co worker. Fixing your cold shoulder behavior with her would be a plus for you. Seems there isnt a real reason for your acting this way other than you think she is immature and fake. Be polite and nice with her. You have obviously have realized that it was not the right way to be and admitted you need to correct that.

The situation with the good looking guy you had flirted with , it could be that he did realize you were quite younger than he was. Continue to be nice to him, speak to him and ask him how he is, smile at him. Maybe he has been preoccupied with other thoughts lately, and that he hasnt had much time when in to be his usual smiling flirty self.

Since you dont really know what you are asking, , I am not sure what I am answering either .

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Hopefully the link will work. I have used it before to get some thoughts and ideas. You can but in their gender, age, what the occasion is for, etc. I think if you go to the "expressions choice" for the occasion and then click the "motivational" category you can get to the right area. You wouldnt necessarily have to purchase from them but could get ideas and then go out and purchase something similar locally.

It seems the only thing you can do is tell him what you want and what your expectations are on the not having sex right away. See if he is truly wants to give a relationship a try and you will soon know if it all feels right, and will get a sense of what he is really after.

I apologize in advance because I know this is going to be a long post. I need to give alot of background so that you all will understand the history of how I got to the point I am at now. I hope a few of you have some time to read this through to the end an offer some thoughts.

This is kind of weird for me to explain. I know it must sound silly and crazy for me to be so lost on what to do. But here goes........... This pertains to trying to get back out into the work world again at age 48.

I worked previously for 28 years with my husband who is now passed away as of December 2003. We married when I was 18 and he was 20. I never attended college, so I have no education beyond high school. My husband started his own business in 1976 right after we got married. It was a small company , located 2 miles from home ,I was the bookkeeper, secretary, or whatever needed to be done. So I have basically been my own boss all that time. I worked what ever amount of hours it took to get the job done and then some. Some time it was 8 hour days and others it was 10 or more hours a day . I was pretty much my own boss and I was accustomed to a flexible schedule if there were things that I needed to take care of pertaining to the children and family.

We started the business back in the 1970's and bookkeeping on the computer was not something that we did. I was a manual bookkeeper I guess you would call it , where everything was done the old fashioned way with out computer . Even up until the business was closed the bookkeeping was always done by hand. thereforeeee I dont have experience now in all the current office programs on the computer.

At the time of my husbands death in 2003 I chose to continue running the company for close to another year. I had 25 employees at the time. At the end of 2004 I was forced to sell out the business for purposes of trying to settle his estate. After closing the business there were several months of preparing everything and tying up loose ends to be able to make the sale. I took a few months off to gather my thoughts and figure out what to do next. This was early 2005 by then. I went to work at a retail department store (45 miles away). Keep in mind I had always had a desk job, was my own boss, had a flexible schedule for 28 years. Well the retail proved not to be for me. I couldnt handle the being on my feet 8 - 10 hours a day walking the floor making sales, plus the retail sales pressure and environment was just so different that I was having a hard time adjusting to the whole situation. While working there I had applied for a job in the cash office at a casino style establishment. They called me to work , so I worked out my 2 week notice at the department store, and took the other job. I stayed there only three weeks, and encountered at horrible sexual harassment situation ( another long story, that I wont go into) , and after the harassment I ended up leaving that job quite quickly.

So here I was mid year 2005 and jobless again.

I live in a rural area, many many miles from any town. The closest little town is only about a population of 1000. Job opportunity in my immediate area is not good. The closest large towns are 45 - 60 miles away, where more jobs are available. Where my problem comes in , is that since I have no college education and no computer office program experience, I am not qualified for even the secretarial jobs and no one seems to keep books manually anymore these days . Another problelm I encountered is that with the price of gas and travel expense round trip to the towns 45 - 60 miles away, and with the hourly wage I was making, I had little or no money left from my paychecks.

RIght now I am maintaining on life insurance benefits from my husbands death, but that wont last forever, and I want to save that if I can.

The insurance money was not enough to afford me to be able to not have to work. My husband had prior medical problem that wouldnt allow for additional life insurance beyond what he already had, because he was a high risk. All of our money was always put back into expanding the company, so we didnt have alot of money saved. Looking back we should have done more financial planning for future needs. But no one thinks they are going to die at age 48 either. So I guess we were slack on the saving for the future. So after his death, I ended up losing the business, for having to settle his estate, I lost my home, I lost most other possessions we had, other than my car. I had to file bankruptcy and I am pretty much at rock bottom now.

I have been entertaining the idea of some kind of work from home business. That way I could be my own boss in a sense, and work hours that are flexible and good for me to an extent. But I dont know where to even start. Where I live is so rural and secluded, I dont think a business of offering some type of services would work. I have looked at some internet based businesses that could be done from home, but its hard to tell what is up and up and what is a scam. I dont have alot of money to initially invest in starting some kind of business. I have a small amount that I could invest in starting something on a small scale.

Its just confusing and mind boggling to me, and I know that sounds crazy, coming from a 48 year old that has worked since age 18, ran and managed a production business on my own for the year after my husbands death. Having been my own boss and had my own schedule on doing things, I wonder if I would ever be able to adjust to working for some one else. I again apologize for the length of this post. I feel I may have spent too much time with little details of the past, but those details provide the info on how I got the point I am now. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions based on the whole big picture here of what my history is ???

Hello Avman,

I would like to say I am so so very sorry for the loss of your friend. Even though it was many years ago, I am sure that just now finding out makes it feel as though it just happened. No doubt you emotions are jumbled and a mess right now.

She was obviously a very special friend to you all those years ago. It horrible I know for you to imagine her going through such a tragic end to her life. Hopefully participating in the efforts for setting up a fund for her childs education, and sending letters ,photos, or personal memories of your friend will be healing for you.

I hope that her daughter is well . She doesnt remember her mother as you said, but every letter, photo and memory that you all send in will be something I am sure she will cherish more and more as the years go by. Again I sympathize with your loss.

I was going to suggest the same thing that DN mentioned on the sleep paralysis. I have an aunt that suffers from this and is much like you had described your symptoms.

You wont forget the good memories. They will always be a part of you. However it will get better and better with time. Eventually you can put those memories in the proper perspective and they wont be so much a part of your immediate thoughts. I am also at the one month or close to one month on a break up, so I know some of how you are feeling. Some of the steps to healing are difficult. You are the point now where you must accept things as they are. Put your memories in a special place in your heart and mind, and move on with your life. I feel you will be ok with time.

I know that dreams are quite interesting and trying to learn what they mean. I have alot of dreams that seem really silly and stupid and have no idea where they come from or why. I have had some dreams that came true and seemed like they were a premonition of something to come.

Let me clarify something for those that dont know me.I was married for 28 years to a great and wondeful man, but he passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest in 2003 at age 48. IN 2004 is when I started dating again and got involved with this person that turned out to be a horrible man that cheated on me, and then I have come to find out additional disturbing news about him. Anyway, I thought it might be a bit confusing on that post to say that I was married to a great person for 28 years , and then had a boyfriend. So I wanted to explain the reason I was no longer married after 28 wonderful years.

I dont think it will ever change. THere will always be people out there that lie, cheat and decieve their partners. Would be nice if we lived in perfect world, where every one followed proper morals and ethics. but its just not going to happen.

I grew up with great role models. I saw my parents love and respect and commitment they had for each other. I was married when I was quite young at age 18 to a great and wonderful man , that I had the most wonderul marriage with for 28 years. Then came the cheating lying boyfriend. THere are wonderful people out there that would never even entertain the thought of cheating, and then there are some that are so callous and uncaring that they will do anything if they can get away with it. If people feel the urge or desire to cheat on their partners, then they should just end the current relationship before they do something that is going to hurt the other person. I have no idea why these cheaters cant get that throught their heads. I am at soon to be the one month point after my break up, and am getting better every day. However I did find out some additional disturbing news about my EX from him family, that I have posted on the (Health mind body and spirit )forum. These liars and cheaters will cover up anything to get their way. I am extremely mad and upset at these people that continue there path of deciet.

NO you are not the only one that feels as you do about cheating. I have been cheated on , and am going on the one month point after the break up with my EX BF. I think it is one of the most horrible, nasty, things that someone can do to another. I have never cheated on anyone and would never ever do such a thing. I know the hurt from what it does to people. There are great people out there that do no cheat. I was married for nearly 28 years to one man, and we had a great marriage, with love , respect, honestly and fidelity. We were committed to each other for life. My husband died in 2003 , and 2004 I became involved with a man that seemed to be a great person. However he started his cheating 6 months into our relationship. At least that is when I found out. So I have had in my life one great person that loved me and cherished our relationship, and on the other hand I have had a horrible nasty man that crushed my heart.

HI MessedUP,

I am glad you went out and had a good time. Just keep doing those things with going out with groups of friends. I am at about the one month point after a break up and I have found that getting out with friends is a great help to me. It does seem to get easier, and I think you are on the right track to healing yourself. She will be on your mind at different times no doubt, but in time will become less and less. You mentioned blocking her from you MSN messenger , which might still be a good idea. The less you have too see and get messages from her, the better off you will be on getting through your healing. You are right on the part that you will never forget her. She was obviously very special to you. We dont forget those things, but eventually they do get put into the back of our minds, and wont be so much in the forefront of our thoughts. As for going to her work or where ever and surprising her I think would not be a good idea. You have started the process slowly of moving on, just keep it up and I feel certain you will get this behind you. Keep yourself strong, and anytime you need to post your thoughts here please do. I dont think any of us get tired of helping others or giving some points to ponder. Dont worry about your posts or your situation becoming " too long" or " here too long" . We are here for you.

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Check out these links to sites and read some info and also go ahead and see your doctor just to be sure.

Seeing you doctor is the best idea. And be sure you do it. Odds are its nothing to worry about. Just need to be sure there is not some infection going on. Most women have discharge to an extent at certain times of the month that will be expected. Just make sure you see that doctor and let him rule out infections or not. IF its an infection proper treatment is in order. sorry couldnt be much more help.

IF I were you I would just go ahead and get back in touch with her. Set something up for a casual dinner somewhere or a movie. See obviously must be somewhat interested, so just pursue it at a slow but steady pace and see what happens.

I am sure my frustrations will cease some down the line with this situation. Right now its just unbelievable that some one could hold back something as he did ,that COULD be very important to ones health. But yes at the moment I would love to rip him up one side and down the other with what I feel I need to say. I am typically not a person that stays mad or gets upset easily, and I dont enjoy confrontations, But this may be one of those times I have to truly speak my mind to him about this in the future when the time is right.

I am just horribly hurt that he had no regard for me or my health.

I am not sure what I believe in on the thing about ghosts. I have definitely experience a few strange things similar to seeing something that you cant really explain.

I have heard many people that I know telling of seeing ghosts. I have a long time friend that swears after many years after her grandmothers death, that she and her brother both walked in to their grandma's house and smell the scent of pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie was their grandma's favorite dessert to cook. They both swear upon seeing her in the kitchen, in a somewhat transparent form and then she faded away. All I know is what I was told.

I have had some weird or strange things occur when I was in my house alone, that I couldnt explain.

Once many many years ago I had an occasion when my dog was barking in a weird tone. I was in my living room and got up to take a peek out the blinds to see if any one was out there. I live in the country and I have a huge oak tree about 50 yards from my house. When I took a look through the blinds on the window, I clearly saw what looked like middle aged old time cowboy sitting on a horse under the tree. I did that " double take" that you do when you are not sure of something you see, and then it was gone. It was like a split second thing ,that in the blink of an eye, that whatever I saw had vanished.

So I dont know if my eyes were playing tricks on me or what. I dont know of anyone that has horses, or any one that would be dressed like an old time cowboy, and no one that would tresspass in to the woods by my house as I live in a quite secluded location . I just kind of laughed it off as a trick my eyes were playing on me. So Ghosts,,I dont know ? I have surely experienced some unexplainable things. And no, I have no mental illness, I dont hear voices, no family history of mental illness, dont take any drugs or medications, dont drink, or use anything that would alter my mind or my thoughts.

I cant seem to get past this strong urge to tell him exactly what I think about him for not disclosing this info to me. My anger and rage is at an all time high about this. I keep thinking I shouldnt say anything to him, and just take charge of my health with keeping my doctor appointment and just being concerned only with my well being. I have had no contact with him since jan 3 when I broke it off with him. But that urge to give him my 2 cents worth and then some, about his negligence is eating at me. Should I or should I not ??

I wish I knew something contructive to tell you at this point. YOu said that you have been trying to deal with this on your own so far. I dont know you age, but I would suggest checking out some counseling. THere are some counselors out there that are for older teens and young adults, that are having difficult times accepting things about life and what we are here for. You sound like you are the point of needing some additional help , other than trying to deal with this on your own. Keep us posted. I am sorry I cant be of much help. But I certainly have concern for you and what you are going through. Hopefully some others here can give you some better insight than I can. And I would seriously if I were you consider counseling.

You are right RayKay. I didnt need more on my plate at this point. I didnt sleep much at all last night. I was restless , woke up every hour on the hour. Just when I was feeling so much better and feeling like I am making such great progress with moving on with things, then I learn of this new info about him. His brother is the one that told me about it yesterday. His brother and wife said they had discussed it and felt that I should know about it, and some how felt that my EX BF might not have disclosed this to me. They felt I needed to know for my health's sake. I am so thankful that they told me. However its very disturbing. I cant for the life of me figure out how some one could be so horrible to have not told me of this health issue. It feels like he just took my life in to his own hands. I really dont think there is a chance that I could have gotten anything. But I feel I should have been at the very least informed . If I am interpreting what I read correctly... even though the virus is not active currently, that it can resurface after lying dormant, and that is why he has to go back yearly for further tests. I am definitely seeing the doctor for my own tests and get all the info I can from him about this. Even though the chances are slim to none that I could have gotten anything at this point, I still just need to be sure. The anger that I have right now is unexplainable. I have no words that can describe the anger I feel toward him. I so want to give him a piece of my mind on all this, but I feel I would lose all sense of control. Every dirty nasty crude word that I can think of right now describes what I feel about him and his hiding this from me. HE is an evil nasty snake!!! Those are the only words that I can put in on the forum that is acceptable.

Dear MessedUP,

This girl is just playing silly cruel games with your emotions. I understand that you miss her, and you feel like part of YOU is gone. YOu said in your post that you know the anwers but some how your mind is not processing it all. As some one said earlier, this is going to be such a long drawn out thing if you dont act on getting yourself over this. I agree that you need to change your name and email address on your IM and delete hers, so that you dont get all the little comments from her and then are tempted to reply back. Please I urge you to do this NOW and dont wait. She already has boyfriend. She is just toying with you online with the messages. Let her go , as hard as its going to be, I feel this is the best in the long run. TRy to move on and resurrect some old interests or get involved in something new. Go out with a circle of friends that does not include her or people that are close to her. HOld your head up , put one foot in front of the other, take a big deep breath, and get out there and get motivated to move on with YOUR LIFE !!

Its the most difficult thing I have ever had to do myself, so I DO KNOW what you are going through. Its not like I am just rambling on about something I have never been through. This breakup with my EX BF has been horrible, but I am doing so much better now. You will to . Please now break ALL ways of contact with her. THis is turning into a game with her that will go on and on and on if you allow it to. DO NOT ALLOW this to continue. I dont mean for this to have sounded harsh. You seem like a caring sensitive young man that some woman will appreciate and love dearly in the future. Move on. I just dont think this is meant to be with her at all.

Yes it makes me very very angry. I broke it off with him ON jan 3 due to his lying and cheating. ANd now to find out of his previous HEP C and that he must have felt it wasnt important enough to have let me know it was part of his past medical history, I am just more furious than ever. I so much want to give him a big big piece of my mind at this point. So far I have had NO contact with him whatsoever since the day of the break up. I would prefer to keep it that way, but I am just so mad that I feel the need to tell him what I think of this, But it could get very ugly if I did so. Wow I am just overwhelmed at the whole thing.

Some of you know me already from my original post about my BF at the time and what I needed to do. For those of you that dont know, the link to my thread is below, if you want to learn a bit of history on this.

Now this is my concern...... Today I saw a member of his family in town and they were asking me how I am doing since the break up. MOst of his family agrees that he was a horrible person for what he did. THis particular family member asked me out of concern for me, if I had known that he a prior history of Hepatitis C approximately 5 years ago. This person told me that he had HEP C and was on Interferon treatment for a year, but that now every year afterward he was clear of the active virus. HOwever he has the HEP C antibodies in his system for life. I always insisted on safe sex with him anyway, just because i wanted to be cautious of catching anything. I have read alot on the HEP C today on the medical sites here. It seems that it is the least serious of the HEP viruses, and the hardest to pass along to some one else. IF I understand correctly it is passed mainly through blood to blood contact, and that sex is a rare way to contract the virus. Supposedly his treatments took care of the active virus but I have yet to find any info on whether or not if even though the virus is gone if I could any way be in danger if some how his blood with the antibodies in it some how entered my body. From what I undertood from his family member is that he gets a check up every year on the HEP C because it could some how become active again. I am no medical person and have no clue on all this other than what I read and try to comprehend.

I am very disturbed that he did not disclose this to me at the start of our relationship. EVen though we practiced safe sex and sex is suppose to be a rare way to transfer the HEP C, I stil have alot of concerns. I have an appointment with my family doctor in two weeks to discuss this with him and get a blood test to satisfy my mind. I wonder what do you all think about this and whether or not he should have disclosed his entire prior health history to me. Am i over reacting??? . Should i say anything to him about his personally???? I am very upset over this and I feel that he should have told me so that I could have made my own decisions on further safety and precautions. I keep thinking what IF the virus could become active again, and

IF it did and he diddnt know it , and what IF some how by some freak thing that I could have got it from him some how. I just need some input on this. What do you all think about him not telling me. I understand that a persons medical history should be private to an extent, but yet I feel that its something that I should have been made aware of.

Just my opinion but I think at least a year or even two would be a good amount of time. People need time to learn about each other and be sure they want the same things out of life. Take time to learn about each others lives as they were growing up. Find out about their moral values and be sure you are on the " same page" so to speak on thoughts and ideas. Take the time to I dated my BF , who later became my husband , for a year and half before we became engaged and then married a year after that. My daughter who is age 24 just recently married in May 2005. She knew him for a year as just a friend before they started dating seriously. Six months after dating him , they became engaged and seven months after that they were married. So all in all she was involved with him in some way for two years before they actually married.