coollady1957

I just broke up with a cheater. Yes i think cheaters are bad. Not sure what is going through their heads. If they are not satisfied with a relationship or just need something more, why dont they just break up with some one first and then move on to do what ever they want? In my case, my now EX BF, was not trying to get out of the relationship. He wanted ME and then something on the side. He wanted his cake and eat it too. Read my initial post and you will get a sense of what he was all about and all the things he told me, all the while cheating behind my back. the initial post is here by me , is titled,,, ."He lies, cheats, and decieves, when is it enough" . He obviously has some horrible misconceptions to what respect, loyalty and commitment to ONE devoted person in his life. If any of you have time, just read the first post and you will see what a horrible person is. YES CHEATERS ARE BAD !!

For me I couldnt tell when i first meet him that my now EX BF would cheat on me. He was kind, sweet, attentive, wanted to spend all his time with me, was compassionate, and even spoke negatively about other people he knew that had cheated. HE seemed like an honest, respectable guy. Little did at know at the start that he was so different than i was led to believe. However when his cheating started, i just kept getting these gut feelings, intuitive thoughts would come into my head. There started to just be something different about him, he became a little nervous around me, he was distracted when was with me, he was making up alibi's for his activities that were shallow and full of holes. He bagan to tell little lies and more lies led to more and he got to the point where he couldnt keep his lies straight anymore. Things progressed to the point where finally through friends and acquaintances ,that he had cheated. So for me at first i didnt get a feeling that he would be a cheater, but i just became more aware of his new little quirks and attitudes that were not normal, and my gut feelings proved to be correct. I am sure NOT every ones situation, that this will be the case. Just this is my experience.

I have never gone back to a cheater, but i just broke up with a cheater and will never ever ever go back to him. It seems from the posts so far here, that it never seems to really work going back to it all. I think the trust is destroyed once cheating , lying and deceit occurs. THings would never be the same in the relationship in my opinion. I have friends that have returned to cheaters in relationships and theirs never worked either after going back.

I hope you find the strenght to stay away from him. I had a similar situation in that my boyfriend had sex talks on the computer with women, and set up dates with them, was in to porn, and on singles date sites all the while telling me i was the best woman he had ever had in his life. This site and all my friends here helped me greatly and gave me the support i needed to break up with BF. It hurts horribly,because you feel so disrespected through it all. I sent a link below to my original post, you can read if you have time just bit of it and see what all i was dealing with. IF you ever need to talk or anything feel free to let me know. i hope you keep the strenght and think of your self worth and well being , and that you will be better off in the long run. I am sure we both will find men one day in our lives that understand the meaning of love , commitment, trust and respect.

HI StillCared4Her

Hello i read your post and see that you lost your father a few weeeks ago. I am so very sorry to hear that. I know its a difficult way to start the new year. I am fortunate that i have not lost a parent but i have lost grandparents. But i did lose my husband of 28 years , two years ago on december 3, 2003. He was only 48 years old and i 46 at the time. It was a sudden death and threw my life in to a tailspin . I have 2 children ages 24 and 19 now. My children went through alot of hurt and grieving since their dads death. He was such a wonderful husband and father and we miss him so much.. I am sure you have your wonderful memories of your father that you can reflect back to and some how will be a comfort to you. Again i give my condolences to your and your family and pray that you find comfort along the way.

Hello. i hate to hear of what you are going through. i had a similar ordeal with my now EX BF. He had cybersex with women, emailed them to set up meetings, viewed porn sites, and adult singles dating sites. Read a bit of my post and you will get more of an idea what it all entailed. Its difficult no doubt to come to a conclusion on what to do about it all. The lies , coverups, deceiving, and cheating are devastating. I hope you get this resolved soon one way or the other. I went through too much time hoping that he would stop his nasty ways, but it just didnt happen. I hope the best for you and if you want to ask anything please feel free. Every one helped me tremendously here and i hope i can be of help to others. Below is the link to my original post.

i too know how you feel with the hiding , sneaking, deceptive behavior of a BF. It hurts horribly and is difficult to decide what to do, whether to forgive and move on or end it and let it all go. if you have time read my original post from start till the present. the link to the post is below.

I truly think in my opinion that if a man has a good woman, respects her, loves her, and finds her attractive that he has no reason to look at porn. Just my opinion. We all have a right to our opinion.

When my BF and i started dating, we talked about the things that we felt were right and wrong things to do in a relationship. Just so that neither of us would do anything that would hurt or disappoint the other. I feel that I am a nice looking woman, sure i have my flaws, but who doesnt. My BF and i had the best sex i can ever remember having. He told me how i was the best woman he had ever met, not only sexually, but the best woman in every respect. He told me i was his "angel" , the kind of woman that every man would desire to have as a partner,, he told me he loved me. BUT......... he started back looking at porn,, the porn led to sex chats with women. that led to him setting up sexual rendevouz's with them. Its like he lost off sense of what is right and wrong. I feel he has something horribly wrong in HIS head to do this to me or to any other woman that he is leading to believe they are the best one ever. What kind of man plays this kind of game? He wanted me, and his fun and games on the side. So what is wrong with this picture? Keep in mind he says that i have done nothing wrong, i give him every thing a man could want. His actions proved that his words were shallow and meaningless. He played a game with my heart for sure. I know that not all men will resort to what my ex BF did. But his over doing the porn some how i believe led to his cheating ,lies and deceit. I just dont understand how a man or woman for that matter could lead such a two sided life. One the one hand i was the best ever in all ways,,,,,, we got along great, had fun together , loved each other , well i loved him, seems his love was not truly there afterall,, and then on the other hand ,the porn some now led to to curiosities about other women and then led to his physically cheating. I broke up with him last week over all of this. But i am still very confused over the entire thing.

my ex bf and i broke up due to his cheating, we had great sex, we enjoyed all kinds of things together, he said i was the angel he had waited for all his life, i gave my love , my heart, my soul, my body to this man and yet it wasnt enough,,,,,, it just seemed nothing was ever good enough,,,,, he sought other women online and set up meetings and cheated on me,,,,,, if i was all the things he said i was, then doesnt make sense to cheat on the one you love does it. i am still so very confused about it.

this is touchy subject,,,, its weird, cause my EX bf and i had a great sex life, and we both were satisfied immensely,,,,,,,,, he used to look at porn along time ago, but hadnt i a long time,,,,,,,, some how he got a pop up on his cmputer about porn and it got him started back looking at it,,,,, i am also a bit confused on how a man that gets all the sex he could want,, anytime he wanted, would want to look at other naked women,,,,, if i am satisfying him, then why does he need porn,,,,,,, well as it turned out the porn led to on line sex chats with women,,,, siging up for dating sites, to search out women, and setting up meetings,, all the while he tells me i am the best thing ever in his life and that i am the angel he has waited for, and that i have done nothing wrong, but yet he did all his lies cheating and decieving, and i was giving him everything a man could want,, my love,, my heart, my body, my attention, my everything and it just wasnt enough,,,,,, i am very confused over it all,,, porn, sex , other women, when u have a good woman doesnt make sense,,,,,,, wow,, so confusing,

Wow, thats a hard one,,,,,,, you are broken up,, but yet not broken up in a sense,,,,,, but when u broke up it left him free to do as pleases,,,,,,,, but again on the other hand you seem to be still connected to him,,,,,,,,, WOW, i am confused,,,,,,,,,, its hard to say he did something wrong,,,,,, but then if you are still intimate with him, then i can see how it would bother you.... hard thing to asnwer really.

hi SILVER GLOW, i hope everything works out for you. its hard to make the decisions i know. I struggled for several weeks with no sleep and anxiety attacks over my situation. my now EX BF lied and cheated and decieved me. he started out the first time, by going to singles sites and signing up , he communicated with numerous women and then cheated on me with one of them. He stopped for a while but just last month he started the same thing again,,, searching out women on the net, having sex converstaions with them and finally led to him setting up meetings again.

HE and I had set our boundries when we first me on what we did and didnt consider to be cheating scenarios and situations. He didnt keep with what we agreed on. He wanted his cake and eat it to. We rarely had agruements or disagreements of any magnitude. The sex life was great, we enjoyed every thing we did together in life. but some how he just needed more. He never had a good clear reason for what he did. I too had told him that if he felt the need to cheat or to have other women to just let me go , split with me and then go and do what ever he wanted, but to please never do it behind my back. Of course he said he would never hurt me nor cheat on me and he would part with me before hurting me by cheating> well that didnt happen, he did it anyway behind my back.

I hope that your parnter can change his ways if he truly loves you and u want to be with him. I hate to see people have to break up. We all have our personal situations that are similar but some times they dont have the same out come. I am sure there are situations that can be resolved on the positive side of working thru it all,, however mine just wasnt one of them.

Oh my, the whole thing is a bit scary and strange to think of my man with another woman, much less another man. I hate that happened to you. I just went thru a break up with my BF last night but it was due to his lies cheating and deceiving me with other women over the last 11 months. Wow, i wish i really new something to say that would help,, but i really dont at this point. It is so fresh with me on the break up with my BF that i feel that i am down on every one that cheats and lies and covers up indiscretions. or at least tries to cover up. In my ex BF case he was so reckless in his behavior that he got caught not once but three times with his lies and cheating with women. I am still struggling myself here with what happened with me and ex BF . I originally posted my story titled " he lies, cheats and decieves, when is it enough"

I think that once a cheater, that most, maybe not all, but most times, they will do iit again, so i would lean toward ONCE a cheater, ALways a cheater. from my experience, he kept saying would NEVER do it again, kept professing his undying love for ME and only ME. Cheaters have some serious problems going on in their heads in my opinion. Most of them will never own up to having a problem that causes them to do their lying cheating and deceiveing. Just my thought and opinion.

I wish i knew answers to all of this, some of us have been thru similar circumstances with cheaters. If you read my first original post, titled " He lies, cheats, and deceives, when is it enough" you will get an idea of how my BF started his cheating and lies. Not saying that all men will progress to the point he did. Its just something to ponder and keep in mind i think.

I wish i knew the asnwer to that about the cheating. but i feel myself that it is mostly a problem with the cheater, they have weaknesses, no understanding of love and commitment. etc. If you read my original post of

"He lies, cheats, and deceives, WHY" and read the replies that i have gotten might help some to see what others have told me.

read my original first post " he lies , cheats, and decieves, when is it enough"

i have had a similar situation in some respect, and i am about to end my relationship with BF today for good.