jimb2k

Cheers for that man. Much appreciated. I agree with you that time well tell all. I know if we were to get back together it wouldn't be in the next few weeks or months. It's going to be a long, hard road but with a little faith I will be okay no matter what. I know if we got back together it would be better than ever as absense has definitely made my heart grow fonder.

Hi everyone, If you haven't read my previous posts here's a little info about my situation. Me and my girlfriend broke-up 4 weeks ago. We were together for almost 2 years. The first week after the break-up I was frantically trying to resolve our differences. I contacted her 5-6 times trying to get it back together. She just kept saying it was too late and that she loved me and cared for me but she was not in love with me. She said she needed her space to be alone and that she doesn't want a relationship right now. She also said she is not interested in anybody else (which I believe 99.9%). Anyway............ I haven't contacted her in 18 days as with what she had been saying during the first week of the break-up when I was contacting her I felt it was best to back off. Within that time she has contacted me on a couple of occasions to arrange paying of a bill she is due on my credit card. She then came round to give me the money last Friday. I also saw her when I was out clubbing with friends on Sunday. We spoke for around 5 mins before going our separate ways. This morning however, I woke up and thought I would send her a text message just to say Hi, how are you? Nothing to heavy or pressurising. She replied within 2 minutes saying I am fine, how are you? I told her I was doing great. I then asked her if she was out clubbing last night strutting her stuff on the dancefloor (I put it accross in a humurous and friendly way). She again repied within 2-3 minutes saying no she wasn't out last night as she has started a new part time night job at the local bar where her dad lives. She then asked if I was out last night. I replied no as I was saving my money to go out on Sunday night. I told her I was off work on Monday and I congratulated her on getting the new job. She again replied within 2 minutes asking why I was off on Monday. Before I could reply my mobile rang. It was her. I answered and she said hello, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you. I just sent a text to you but I haven't got the confirmation report to say it was delivered. I told her that it had come through and I was just about to reply. We started chatting away, nice and friendly, how are you?, what have you been up to? She said that it was strange how things have worked out. I said that if this is the way it's meant to be then we have to let it be. She replied saying, well whats for you will not go by you. I agreed with her. She then said she had been thinking about me the other day while at work and that she can't bear to sit in the house herself so she is trying to keep herself busy. She has got herself this new part time night job, which she started last night and she is working tonight. She then said that she will probably be out on Sunday so she may see me if she is. She asked if I had been out on any hot dates yet, which she also asked me last Friday when she came round with the money. I laughed and said no, not yet. She then said she was only winding me up. But why ask that question if it doesn't bother you? I then said that I'd better go and let you get on with whatever you're doing today, she said ok I'll speak to you later. I have made the contact this time but I have put the ball back in her court as before I hung up I said to her to just give me a call when she gets the remaining £50.00 to pay this credit card bill. She replied ok, I don't know exactly when that will be but I'll try and get it a.s.a.p. And that was that. I kept the conversation light and cheery. Very friendly, but not sickly friendly. It lasted about 10 minutes and I was the one who finished the call. (which, I have been advised is the best thing to do as it shows you are in control of the situation. If you let the other person decide when the call is going to finish they then think they have the power over you). When the call finished I smiled to myself as she said she had thought about me and that she had to keep herself busy to keep her mind of things. This made me feel a wee bit better about the situation. Also, she asked me if I had had any hot dates yet. The only reasons I can think why someone would ask that question is because it bothers them and they are curious. She says she was only winding me up but I think that was just an excuse. With the things she said on the phone it makes me think that deep down inside she still loves me and she still has feelings for me but at the moment she needs her space and time alone to sort herself out. What do you guys think? Any advice or feedback would be most appreciated. You can read my last two posts to get a better picture of the break-up. They are titled I need of some advice on my breakup with my girlfriend and What do I do now? they are quite long posts but please take the time to read them fully. Thank you.

Hi there, I understand your pain and grief as if you have read my posts you will see I am also on the wrong side of a relationship breakup. All I can advise you is to be strong. By that I mean reaching deep down inside and finding your inner strength. You need to show him you are able to cope with this situation, and that you can live without him. Human nature is a funny thing. Two humans together create opposing forces. One is push and the other is retreat. If you keep pushing him it will only make him retreat. What you need to do is stop pushing and put yourself in reverse. That way you have turned around and walked in the opposite direction which should make him stop retreating and take a small step back towards you. Sometimes people can become bored of a relationship, bored of the same old routine. This boredem can make people think they have fallen out of love with someone when sometimes they are just plain bored to death of the relationship. They then make a conscious decision that they must leave their comfortable lifestyle, their relationship and seek a change to bring some exictement back into their lives. You need to let him seek this change in order for his true feelings for you to show. He needs to feel his love for you freely and not have it demanded from him. If you keep pushing him then he will never be free to feel this love for you. He will constantly be in a pulling away mode. If he calls or texts you don't answer. Make it look like you are just soooooo busy with your new singlehood. When you do eventually answer him keep the conversations light and cheery. Never tell him that you love him or ask him if he loves you as this will just make him retreat again. Always keep the conversation below 10 minutes and always be the first to end the call. That way you are taking the power back. If you let him take over the conversation and let him decide how long the call is going to be i.e by letting him finish the call he will become bored again. He will feel that he has you. People like challenges as challenges are exciting. Put him on the begging end of the relationship for a while. Make him want your love as much as you want his but always do it in a friendly cheery way. Never, ever attack his pride. This will only make him stand up and defend himself against you. When people leave a relationship they do it because it is making them unhappy for some reason it is dragging them down. They will be naturally attracted to anybody who is happy and who will make them happy. If you are sad and depressed it will make him flee. You need to show him that you are having blast without him and that you can cope without him. This should make him take another small step back towards you. These are just the basics. There is a lot more stuff I could go into but I would be here all day typing. Use my guidance if you wish as that is all it is guidance and advice. Only you can make the decision on how you are going to deal with this but let me ask you this one question: Is what you are doing now working? I am not saying that your relationship is over and I'm not saying that you will get back together. Nobody knows that answer but I do know that you have to be willing to let someone go before you can gain them back. If you hold a life prisoner its only desire is to be free. You need to be patient as impatience is your enemy. You need to be strong as weakness is your enemy. You need to be happy as sadness is your enemy. You need to trust that everything is going to be okay no matter what as fear is your enemy. Hope this helps.

Hi People, I put my first post up last night regarding needing advice on my breakup with my girlfriend. Thank you all who read this, I know it was a long one. I'm back today with a couple of new questions. We were together for almost 2 years. We broke up 4 weeks ago today. t wasn't that bad a break-up, I mean we had been arguing over the last couple of months of the relationship but we had talked about marriage and kids and the next step for me was to move in with her. She lived with her dad and I live with my mum, but only 6 weeks before the relationship finished (end of January 2003), she bought a flat only 2 minutes walk from where I live so she could be closer to me. This to me shows that her feelings were still their for me only 6 weeks before the split or why else would she buy a flat that close to me when she previously lived well outwith walking distance (The only way we could get to each others houses was a 15 minute car drive) and her work place was only 2 minutes from where her dad lived. Before we broke up she had used my credit card to purchase some stuff for her flat. Since the break-up 4 weeks ago, the only reason she has contacted me is due to the fact of arranging to pay this bill off. She gave me £100.00 last Friday and she has told me that she will get the other £50.00 for me next month. I feel that after the bill is paid off next month she will not contact me. I saw her on Sunday when I was out with friends at the local club. I did not approach her, she approached me. She said that she didn't want it to be awkward but she felt that this was the best way. We then stood chatting for about 5 minutes (no serious talk just light cheery stuff) and then went our separate ways. She came accross as being cool and collected when she was talking to me. How can she just switch her feelings of like that? Or is she just hiding her true emotions? It comes accross as if she doesn't give a monkeys about me anymore with the way she acted and the no contact thing. I don't want to contact her as when we split up I did contact her 5-6 times over the first week trying to sort it out but she kept saying it was too late and she didn't want to be in a relationship just now. She has told me that she is not interested in anybody else (which I believe 99% as when I saw her on Sunday out clubbing she wasn't dancing with any guys and she left when the last song came on which was a smoochy love song). She has said she needs to be by herself right now. Is she not contacting me because she wants nothing more to do with me at all? is so hurt and emotionally drained that she needs her space to sort herself out? or is she waiting on me contacting her? (the last one I seriously doubt) As i've said I really don't want to contact her as I don't want to suffocate her or make her feel trapped or pressurised, but I also don't want it to come accross that I don't care. I haven't contacted her in 15 days although I have spoken to her in that time when she called to arrange the payment and I have seen her twice, once when she brought the £100.00 round on the Friday and then out clubbing on Sunday. It is her birthday in two weeks. She will be 22 (I'm 21 by the way). What do I do? Do I send her a card and present? just a card? or nothing? If I was to give her a card I would send it through the post so that it doesn't look like I'm invading her territory. As I have said she only lives 2 minutes walk away but I don't want it to look like I'm making excuses to see her. I am moving on slowly with my own life. I am starting to focus on my own individual goals. I have joined a gym which I had been planning for over a year, I am going out having a good time socialising with friends and I am taking a renewed interest in my hobbies/pastimes. The only thing is she is always at the back of my mind. I know I don't need her in my life to make me complete but I love her so much that I would like her in my life. The relationship has went from contacting each other everyday and seeing each other 5 days out of 7 to nothing at all. When I was frantically trying to sort things out the first week we broke-up she said she still loved me and cared for me but she was not in love with me. She said she felt her feelings had changed and it wasn't fair to lead me on if they had. She would rather we went our separate ways instead of continuing the relationship, e.g over the next 6 months and her still feeling the same way. She said she needed her space to be alone right now. It all seems like such a waste to me, to throw the relationship away over a few stupid arguments. Please give me some feed back. Cheers

Hi Everyone, I have recently just broken up with my girlfriend and I am looking for some advice. We broke up 4 weeks ago. We were together for almost 2 years and in that time we were both very happy most of the time until the last few weeks of the relationship when most of the time we were arguing or snapping at each other. This is going to be a long story do bear with me................... Before we started the relationship we were very close friends. We saw each other almost everday and we would confide in each other. At this time she was engaged and living with another guy. However, she was very unhappy in that relationship for a long time before it finished. I backed of a little when their relationship was turning really bad because the guy was accusing me and her of being at it behind his back. Which we were not. Anyway, a few weeks after their relationship finished she started to call me and come round to where I was hanging out with my friends. A few weeks past and the friendship we had turned into us going out. We discussed how we felt about each other and low and behold she had liked me for a very long time, just like I had liked her. She had told her friends her feelings for me long before her relationship finished. The only reason she didn't finish the other relationship sooner was due to the fact they were engaged and they had a house together. She felt like she had to give it a go due to how deep they were involved even though she knew it was never going to work. 3-4 weeks into the relationship and there was a major problem. I had suspicions that she may be pregnant. Not to me but to her previous partner. My Suspicions proved true after I convinced her to take a pregnancy test. At this time I backed off. Not to the extent of ending the relationship but enough to allow her space to figure out what she was going to do. I had to let her make her own mind up without me influencing her decision. She decided her feelings for me were so strong that she chose to have an abortion as if she decided to keep the baby she wouldn't have made me stick around to bring up someone elses child. I supported her through this time, taking her to hospital and being their for her. This made the relationship stronger. Time went by and 9 months later I was feeling suffocated. We were still seeing each other everyday and I had began to lose contact with my friends. I asked her for some space to sort my head out. She was devasted but she respected my wishes and she never contacted me. It only took me a couple of days to sort myself out so I called her up and we talked about things and sorted it out. I asked for some time with my friends which she agreed to. It turned out that I would see my friends on a Thursday and Friday and see her the rest of the week. This routine continued right up until the end of the relationship. Over the last few months of the relationship we were never out enjoying oursleves in social environments. This was largely due to the fact that money was tight for both of us. I had to clear my debt I had and she had just bought a flat 2 minutes walk from where I stay so she could be closer to me. (I still live with my mum and she was living with her dad). We were both becoming bored of the routine which led to us arguing. It all came to head one night when we were arguing, both in self defense mode,both of us trying to be heard but neither of us listening. I told her to just forget about the whole thing and end the relationship. She turned around and said "well remember, nobody will give you as much security as I did" and then stormed out. I sat in my room and thought about what had just happened. I expected her to call me as every time we had an argument she would be the fisrt one to call to sort it out. Guess what? no phone call. I waited for 2 hours and she never phoned, so I called her. She seemed to be quite together when I spoke to her. I told her that I didn't mean what I had said and we could sort this out. She just kept on saying she didn't think it was going to work out. The phone call lasted 2 hours and still her answer at the end of it was no. I was devasted to say the least. I called her the next morning and she agreed to me going round to her flat at night to discuss things. I went round and for about 90 mins we talked with both of us shedding tears. I aired my feelings and she aired hers. Finally, she said she still loved me and still wanted to be with me so we were going to give it another go. She even asked if I wanted to stay their that night, which I did. The next day I called her at lunch time which I normally did anyway and everything was fine. She asked if I wanted her to call me later on which I agreed to. She called me at about 4.45pmand again everything was fine. The conversation lasted about 25 mins. I asked her how sure she was about this and she replied as sure as she can be. The conversation ended and I thought everything was ok. 35mins later she turned up at my house. She came up to me gave me a big hug and started crying. I asked her if everything was ok and she said she couldn't do this. Something had changed inside and it wasn't fair on me to lead me on if her feelings had changed. She said that she felt it was better we went our separate ways and then she ran out of the house. I ran after her but when I caught her she pulled away from me saying " please, don't make this any harder than it already is". So I had to let her go. Over the next week I contacted her 5-6 times trying to reason with her, trying to express why I had acted the way I had, trying to get another chance. She just kept saying it was to late and she loved me but she wasn't in love with me. She said that she needed her space to be on her own and that she didn't want a relationship right now. Now before we split up she had used my credit card to purchase some stuff. She was still due this bill and we agreed on a way for her to pay it off. She was getting a credit card off her own so when it came she said she would phone me and come to my house to transfer the balance. She phoned and she came up to pay the bill. When she came round I put on a happier attitude and kept smiling. She said that I seemed better. I told her yes that I was. I said that I had thought about things and I agreed with her that the relationship was not going to work and that I felt bad for her for what I put her thorugh the last few months. I told her she deserves much better and I wished her well. She said that she wasn't interested in anybody else ans that it wasn't all my fault. She said that she suffocated me and it was no wonder I pushed her away. We ended on a good note but there was a problem transferring the balance so she said she would phone me when she got the money and she would bring it round. I didn't contact her for 10 days. She then phoned me at work saying their was a problem getting the full £150.00. She could only get £100.00 just now and she would get the other £50.00 next month. I said that it was alright. She said she could bring it up that night but I said to her if it would be alright to bring it up the following night as I was busy. She said okay that wasn't problem. I wasn't busy, but I didn't want it to make it look like I was going to drop everything the moment she called. I done it in a polite way nothing nasty. She came up the following night and I decided I would get dressed up in my smart gear as if I was going out. She came to the door and she looked quite surprised. She said "Have you got a hot date tonight" and she was curious about where I was going. We again ended on a good note with her saying "have a good night". Now I wasn't going out for a drink but I told her I was. I made it look like I was going out and enjoying myself because I knew she had been going out clubbing with her sister. Two nights later and I was going out with my mate for a drink. Guess who I saw? She came accross to me and said hello and i said hello back and then she walked away. About 15 mins later she came back up to me and said she didn't want this to be awkward but she felt this was this best way. I agreed with her and we stood and spoke for about 5mins. She was dancing next to me and we had a light cheery conversation. She then went back over to her friends and I went the opposite way with mine. I made it look like I was enjoying myself just incase she happened to look over. She was up dancing but with no guys (which I felt good about) and she left when the last song came on which was a smoochy love song. Now I know it is a lot to read but I need some advice. I haven't contacted her since we saw each other on Sunday night. I have heard nothing from her either. It is her birthday in two weeks. Do I send her a card and present, just a card or nothing? I am not due to see her now until the middle of May when she is going to bring the remaining £50.00 to me. What is your reading on this situation? I am moving on slowly with my life. I am joining a gym, I am going out socialising with friends etc. I have had interest from 3-4 other stunning girls when I've been out but I love her so much that I want her back. Please give me some advice. I know I have to let her go if she is ever to come back, but will she? Cheers