Jjasonn28

I suspect she was a little upset about the direction in which you pulled her shirt.

I completely agree. Perhaps she's is not so concerned about how shy you are in social situations, rather how shy you are in intimate situations. I think she is in a round about way telling you to take some action and be a little more aggresive, or asertive when it comes to initiating intimacy.

Hey man.

My initial reaction is this. It is still fairly early in your relationship with her, no matter how in love you both may feel. Just ease things up a bit, as bombarding her may just push her away. I understand completely that doing romantic things for her is something you enjoy. I am a hopeless romantic myself, and if there is anything better than seeing a smile resulting in a gesture from the heart... i have yet to find it.

I think she is just being... breezy. Casual. I am sure she appreciates your gestures, but too much too quick can have a negative effect. What you should do, is send a sweet email, but not two a day. Offer her something, and then withdrawl. Keep her guessing.

Another thing... romance can mean different things to different people. I have been in relationships with women who both claim to be romantics, yet have complete OPPOSITE ideas of what romance is. On one hand, a previous girlfriend couldn't get enough gifts. Flowers, stuffed animals, jewelry... taking her out... I dare to say she was a material girl, but not really. (She never asked for a diamond On the other hand, my last girlfriend enjoyed subtleness. A surprise note in her coat pocket. A conversation over coffee. She wasn't a fan of receiving flowers, and didn't believe in valentines day. But write her a card on any day other than a holiday, and she would cry.

What you may consider romantic, she might consider a little overboard. Im not saying its the case, but its a possibility. Some girls love the attention, some girls may thing is needy. But like I said, because you are in the early stages of this relationship, I think doing too much can be more detrimental than doing too little.

Good luck.

Well from what I read, and as a guy, my initial reaction is to tell you to RELAX!!

You said it yourself, that you have only been seeing him for all of two weeks. I see NO disrespect here on his part. Okay, you guys had plans and they fell through. The disrespectful thing would be to blow you off and not tell you about it. Keep you waiting. In my opinion, there was nothing wrong with his remark that he will try to find some time on Saturday to see you. To me, he is implying that he WANTS to see you.

Its only been TWO weeks. If he isn't commited enough at this point to your liking, then move on. But its still VERY early in the 'getting to know eachother stage'. You cant expect to be his priority. Give him and yourself some breathing space.

I agree with the above posters. Trust has to be worked on here. Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him before? If not, then please, before you drive yourself crazy, and possibly him away.. Take a step back and look at the overall picture.

It is a little scary to be basing your suspicions on a cellphone signal. Im no professional, but that type of clingyness (is that a word?) and trust issues suggests to me that perhaps you have deeper self esteem issues. Work on yourself, and be happy with yourself, before you end up pushing him away.

Now, Im basing this only on this post. My knowledge of you and your relationship doesn't go any deeper. I could be way off, and if so I apologize. This is my initial reaction though..

EDIT*

I did a little reading into your other posts here, and I will say that I think my initial reaction, and everyone else's for that matter is bang on. You said he has never done anything to jeapordize trust. That he loves you and is honest with you. Please MJMJ, stop projecting your insecurities. You really need to gain control of yourself and perhaps even seek professional help. Snooping around in his cellphone to see who the callers are, and using text messages as a GPS are not healthy. Your relationship WILL end, and your heart will be broken, unless you take action.

Take care.

My reaction to this email is that she took the cowards way out of the relationship, by blaming you for everything, when she could have been an adult, had a hard talk with you and said look buddy, either you get your act together or we need to part ways.

 

Instead, like the spoiled brat she claims to be, dumps you, and then has the gall to insult you up and down the board, dangling a future relationship with you (if you do the things she wishes you to do) like a carrot in front of a rabbit.

 

She should have worked with you, helped, and encouraged you (like people in a relationship ideally should do) but she chose to sit there and pick on you and your family. I hate girls like this. Reading that email made me cringe.

HERE HERE!!!!!

I personally don't think my emotions and vulnerabilities are anything i would ever share, they're mine and i don't want anyone else to feel the burden. Especially someone i love.

I dont think sharing vulnerabilities is a burden. Especially sharing them with someone you love. Isn't that part of what being in a relationship is about?

Having my significant other share her vulnerabilities with me has no burden about it. It makes me feel more important, and special. Does the fact that I'm a man make sharing mine with her wrong? I'm pretty sure she feels the same that I do. Its strengthening a bond.

Of course, I don't mean balling every day, crying when I see a flower and such. That is extreme. But in moments of weekness, having that person to be there with, and be there for is a wonderful feeling.

Just me.

I think any man or woman attempting to 'bed' an individual who they know is attatched in any form, is very callous, and speaks worlds about their character. Any moral question is open to debate however, and to many, this 'challenge' is just a game.

In my opinion, its just respectful, and common human decency to respect the attatchment between two people.

I think all men have a soft side. It usually takes a special individual to be allowed to see it.

Yep. Society does for men the same as it does for women. Growing up, we learn the stereotypes, and are more or less pressured into following them.

As a guy though, its a great feeling when you find that special someone with whom all the walls crumble. We can be vulnerable, without the pressures of having the stereotype challenge our manhood.

She told me she wants me to prove myself and that is what I'm going to do. I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for myself.

Jon N.

I feel uneasy about this. You have to prove yourself to her? Let me ask you something. Have you ever suggested or asked her to prove herself to you?!?

I realize its human nature to 'prove' to a potential mate that you are deserving of their attention.... time... commitment.. whatever. But did she really come out and tell you to prove it? To prove that you are worthy of her? How about asking her to prove that she is 'good enough' for you?

You are doing a great thing by going to school to improve yourself and better the prospect of your future. Please be commited to do it ONLY FOR YOURSELF. Take pride in this. Prove to yourself that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

I am just slightly worried that you are doing it for her. Be strong man. Dont be a lap dog.

So, question for all you guys then...

 

Can an ex be jealous of you, especially after a period of say at least 6 months, if she doesn't have ANY feelings for you???

Well, I would say that if she doesn't have ANY feelings, meaning that any and all emotional attatchment is gone, then the possibility of her being jealous is close to non existent.

However, that being said, If the relationship was meaningful, and the breakup/moving on was amicable, then after 6 months no matter what anyone says, she will still have feelings. Be it direct or indirect such as an attatchment to memories.. ie special moments in your relationship. In this case, then sure its completely possible that she may have jealous thoughts.

But taking it to the extreme, if there is NO FEELINGS AT ALL, then there is no reason to be jealous.

Just my opinion

Personally, if a girl dumped me because she wanted me to make more money than her, I'd think that was pretty shallow. She's looking for someone to support her, she is not looking for an equal partner. Who makes more money should be irrelevant, as long as you are both happy and supportive of each other.

I completely agree with Iceman. It is in my opinion that finding this out sooner rather than later is a very good thing for you. A loving relationship consists of (among other things) trust, honesty, integrity, and an equal commitment to eachothers unconditional happyness.

It seems, that in this case, she is more concerned with what YOU can provide for HER, than what you BOTH can bring EACHOTHER, and is a huge red flag in my opinion.

Remove her from the picture for a second.. are you happy with your life? Are you content in what you do? Are you going to school to get a degree because its something that YOU want for YOURSELF? If you are doing it, only do it for you and no one else. First and foremost, live your life for yourself. Its not selfish. Be happy with who YOU are.

Relying on others to be happy is a dangerous road to travel, that often ends up disappointment.

Take care of yourself.

still think attempting to give a one-liner definition of love is over simplifying. Its too subjective and personal...

I understand your point. It is subjective, and very personal. I just really like that quote, and feel that it applies to me.

..or maybe I just read too much into it and its as simple as a strong feeling you have for someone for a particular reason for a particular amount of time in any particular capacity.

 

How's that?

Vague? hehe. j/k

hmmmmmm........ok. but what about those of us who don't have souls???l

Simple.

Without a soul, you simply would be unable to love... hehe.

If you want to get philisophical, I suppose we must first discuss just exactly what a 'soul' is....!!! I'll take a quick stab at it.

'The embodyment of our every emotion, as individual an unique as we are physically.'

Okay. Perhaps its too early today for me to be getting into this stuff. I need a coffee!

I will quote my favourite one line explanation of love...

"True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another."

This came from the movie 'Wedding Crashers'. To me, this line sums up what love is, without geting into a lengthy philisophical, emotional discussion.

1.Be responsible for your own happiness, don't abbrogate that responsibility to someone else.

 

6.Don't ever rely on your partner to manage your life.

I cannot stress enough how important these two are. I have been there, and lost a love because I became complacent in that she and my relationship with her was the center of my happyness. I had been ignorant to love in letting these thoughts guide my life. It was a mistake. Something that I have learned from and will take with me as I move forward.

I am going to reply to Majord23 thread, but before I do this I have to agree with Poco the other day,on your signiture.

Ahh, just read your signature Major. Gotta love Pearl Jam!! I guess more specifically Eddie Veddar. He has written some very touching stuff.

Thats all. Didn't mean to hijack!

JP

n just got slapped around a bit

Um, do you mean this figuratively? If he is physically abusive in any respect towards you, the last thing you should be worrying yourself about is finding ways to 'make him realize'

Physical abuse should NOT be tolerated. I suspect you have some self esteem issues that you need to work on. Lack of respect for yourself is detrimental to your ability to trust.

However, the first thing you need to do, is respect yourself. Let this guy go and improve yourself. You deserve better.

Interesting. INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging)

Oh, and my advice?? Look into their eyes, and be sincere. Mean what you say, and understand why you are saying it.

LOL....cliffnotes for an apology? How many mistakes DO you make???

Hehe. j/k

Not long enough really, but it was enough time for him to realise that he loved me more than he thought he did and couldn't stnad the thought of me being with anyone but him.

Red flag?

Anyone else see this? Jealousy and insecurity is (in my book) definitely NOT a strong foundation a realtionship, especially a reconciled relationship should be built on.

And on top of that, his trust issues are making things much worse. Unfortunatley, like everyone else has said, there is nothing you can do to 'ease his mind and curiosity' short of spending every waking minute with him.

I guess communicating to him that Love, respect and trust are one in the same. Its a package deal. And if he has problems with part of it, then you need to re evaluate his definition of 'love'.

I guess I just don't want her to get pissed at me again and hate me even more for not telling her goodbye.

Hello again.

I know its hard to understand, and there is a part of you that is just dieing to reach out. That part of you saying, 'just one more time'.. And yes, the thought of having someone who means so much - having negative thoughts about us, is a hurtful one.

However, whatever it is she will feel because you dont say goodbye, is something that she has to deal with. You have to stay strong. She made her bed, and wether she hurts, or gets sad, or angry.. is her problem. Not yours.

I really think she is looking to you for some sort of confirmation. Don't give it to her. Make her wonder, and start living YOUR life again.

Take care.

Hey man.

Im not familiar with your story, but heres my opinion.

I know that it is hard to not contact her, especially now that she's reached out to you, and you still have feelings for her. But I really feel the best thing that you can do, is to NOT respond to her. She is moving away with another guy, and in my opinion, is somehow trying to validate her decision or ease any guilt she has by getting a reaction from you.

By not contacting her you will accomplish a couple things. You will establish within yourself the beginning of an emotionaly strengthend you. And also, if she does have any reservations about how she treated you, how she feels about you, and the entire situation, not contacting her will make her think about those things even more.

You want her to miss you? Continue to be unavailable. I really think you deserve better than to be treated like crap. But with matters of the heart, its difficult to see sometimes what is so obviously infront of us. Stay NC. Continue to heal yourself, and better yourself. Its the best thing, at least for now.

Take care.

He probably feels it is rejection, and it is painful to him.

I agree, if infact he knows your feelings? Make sure he knows 100% how you feel, and reassure him that its not him making you feel this way.

I was in a similar situation, and I too was hurt by the 'rejection'. Well, turns out she wasn't rejecting me, she was rejecting the act in general. Had I known this, it could have possibly saved a relationship - eliminating the tension and awkwardness associated with getting close to her. If she would have told me how she felt, I would have been perfectly fine with it as I love her for who she is.

If you love him, you owe it to him and yourself to communicate how you feel about it. And honestly, if he has a problem with it, then you ought to re think the relationship. It is possible to express yourself physically without the act of intercourse...

Hey man.

Your opinion is very valid. There is no right or wrong to it becuase its an opinion. Your friend may have been wanting a different answer, but by your honesty you are being the best friend you can be.

JP