gattsuga

yeah, i'm at the point where it's either me or his junk. and if she chooses his junk, well then i guess that's the extent of her love for me.

ouch! that seems kind of weird

what kind of stuff?

Presents such as a teddy bears, cds, and a HUGE stuffed animal sitting in her room. when i asked her why she won't get rid of them she said she doesn't want to, and it would be too disrespectful.. i asked her to give it back to him, and she said it would be too mean. i asked what would she do with this stuff if we end up getting married, and she said she'd give it to her sister.

when i said i want her to get rid of it.. she got all angry, and ended up pouting, and ignoring me for a half hour while we studied. (this was before i found out they kissed)... i eventually gave in and said she could keep them if she put them away where i would never see them.

i wish i could believe that the kiss meant nothing to her.. but i doubt it. she wouldn't kiss someone unless she felt it.

i'm just so pissed at what happened.... and it's not like we'll never see this guy again.. he goes to our church and hangs out with all our friends. just seeing him makes me sick to my stomach...

thanks for listening to my rant

hey all, thanks for reading.. you guys have been a great support through all this! and it was thanks to you guys that me and my ex are back together i believe

Me and my ex (or ex ex), are back together after going through hell for the last 3 months. During those 3 months, there was another guy (her best friend) who became interested in her. From the very beginning, she always told me she only thinks of him as a friend... but she started to like him.

anyway.. to make a long story short. after i initiated NC for a week, she suddenly came running back to me, like she finally had everything clear. I asked her why all of a sudden she became so sure, and she said it was b/c she lacked sleep and now she is able to think clearly. This last week has been absolutely amazing... we've never been so close before ever.

but last night, we had our talk about what happened in the last 3 months... and i was asking her some questions about what they did together (yeah i know... it was none of my business, but i felt it would be easier once i knew so i could start trusting again.)... and i asked her if they ever kissed... she said yes, on the cheek. She didn't say anything after that... so i asked if they have ever kissed on the lips... she said yes.

i know a lot of you think a kiss isn't a big deal... but to us it means a lot. what bothers me the most was she didn't tell me until i asked... and she told me she kissed him because 'she thought it was over' between us. and she wasn't thinking, and she was tired. I'm just losing so much respect for her through this... i never thought she was so flaky and irresponsible

i want to move past this... but it's just bugging the hell out of me right now. i'm wishing him physical harm, and hope he just falls in a ditch somewhere. This guy is such an *mod edit* too... he's such a player and he constantly flirts with other girls. (Last Sunday we were having lunch with a bunch of friends, my ex wasn't there, and he was hitting on the waitress!! saying crap like, 'Owww, hot stuff!'). She never saw that in him!! She only saw someone who treated her very well. And I was always the bad guy... And this was before we got back together... he doesn't even know yet... she says she's going to try to tell him tonight.

i know i need to get over this if i want this relationship to work! And yes, I definitely 110% want it to... but i don't know how to get over this stuff that's happened! I get so angry and I feel so betrayed... and she won't get rid of the stuff he gave her... saying it will be too disrespectful to him!

Help!! I need to get over this to have our relationship work again.. how do i get over the feeling of betrayal and anger?? i don't want to lose her... and she said she would do 'anything' to make this up to me. i dunno what i need to make this all better... ?!?

You have to be very careful... I've seen lots of 'best friends' break apart because one person started having feelings, and confessed. It's like crossing a line, once you step accross, it's very hard to step back...

i say test the waters first... talk about what kind of guy she likes, what does she look for in a guy, is she interested in anyone?

you don't wanna ruin your friendship..

if sex is all it is (meaning no intimacy, no trust, no commitment), then to each their own.. but if you're going to get deep and involved, then it's just gonna be much more painful afterwards.

So we were hanging out last night at my house, watching the hockey game and checking out a new motorbike i just bought... and we start talking (no relationship stuff whatsoever), and all of a sudden she starts talking about relationships, and how she missed me so much in the last week. I started NC for only a week, and she misses me so much already! I'm shocked, confused, a lil worried... but very happy right now... but i'm not sure where to go from here.

she told me she ended it with the other guy, and now she just wants me back... i totally trust her, and believe it when she says she felt no romantic feelings for him... just friendship.

what should i do?

man this is tough. it's like losing a part of my soul.... when does this get better??

NC is not a method to win her back. It's a way for you to move on and heal yourself. Give yourself a time frame on how long you want to grieve... then you have to make that decision to move on. I know it feels like there's no one else better out there for you, but have you even looked? It's really hard to let go, i know.. i'm going through the same thing right now... but go NC, and heal yourself. She didn't fall in love with the current you (the needy, grieving you), take this opportunity and just put all this is God's hands... He's in complete control, and He has the best intentions for both of you. Trust in Him... this could be the step you need to take in order for your faith to grow.

So I finally told her how I felt, and told her I had to start living my life again and stop waiting around. I started NC since last night, and oh my god it is killing me. i feel like i'm going to crack at any moment... the pain won't go away, this feeling in the pit of my stomach is burning... i'm so worried that by doing NC she's going to drift away even further.

We had a really great talk last night, about where she's at and how she's feeling. She is still very confused... and she tells me she still loves me, but she doesn't know if we are the best for each other. She feels that she needs more time to clear her mind, and just get everything back together.. she wants to focus on schooling, and her faith right now... i asked her if she thinks we could get back together, and she says yeah. she loves me, but she likes the other guy only.. no loving feelings. she wants to be with me, but she's scared that things won't work out again... or if we're not totally compatible with each other.

so i told her i need to start moving on and meet new people.. (as if.. i'm not gonna be able to get into another relationship for awhile)... she was really hurt by this, but accepted my decision. she feels i'm not being patient enough... cuz for her 2 months isn't that long (and yeah, when u're in school... 2 months is pretty fast). but i told her that it's been putting me through hell every night... and the last thing she wants to do is hurt me, so she told me i should move on if that would take away my pain.

so we said our goodbyes... had one last dance, kiss, hug, cry... and i drove her home. when i got to her house, the other guy's car was parked outside... i didn't even care about that anymore. i was just so sad that that could've been the last moment we shared with each other as lovers.

what now? i'm such a mess right now..

I'm happy for you echo keep it up! I hope I can be that strong when I start my NC

God will always be there... even if you push him away. He's always waiting for you to come back. And when you're in your deepest darkest place, and you feel all alone, know God is there. Your prayers are definitely heard by God.... cuz he loves you just as much as anyone else

.... "really thought of you when she slept with him" oh c'mon gimme a break. obviously she didn't think of you that much. liar=NC... especially if they string you along giving you hope, when she had no intention of getting back with you.

i'm not so easy to let go. i'm stubborn that way, and if I have a chance of getting with her, I'm not gonna let go of that chance. how can i just let go of someone i really love? it's unthinkable to me!

So things pretty much went outta control on Sunday. She was talking to the other guy, and he told her he's gonna back off until she can figure out her feelings for me. (notice how she didn't take any steps on her own). The guy is obviously just as frustrated as I am. So she tells me this on sunday night, and says "i need to know if I can move on or not".... it sounds like she's thinking of moving on.. and just doesn't want to let go.

SIGH

well i got pretty upset by that, and let all my feelings out. Asking her to make a decision, cuz she's putting me thru hell everynight. I asked her to give me something... just a little hope.. but she couldn't give me any.. she thought what she said was hope enough. so i gave her back the ring she gave me sunday night. before we ended things, i wanted to talk a bit more, so she invited me into her room. And I could see lots of gifts from this other guy!! His CD in her cd player... still on pause. and she wanted to have a nice conversation, with me in her room filled with his stuff. i just wanted to cry. i left in anger. later i called and apologized for getting so pissed off, and i wanted to end it in a good note. she agreed.

so this week has been pretty rough, she still gives me hope that she wants me to pick her up from school and likes talking to me still. (yeah i know i shouldn't, but it was 11pm, and she needed a ride).

so now, i have to decide whether or not i want to keep this going, or just end it this weekend and move on.

She's worried that I won't treat her very well again. When we were dating, I was busy with my work and my schooling, and left little time for us. She doesn't want to be neglected again, and this new guy gives her so much attention and makes her feel really nice.

and her best friend has been stuck in love with Bill for 2-3 years, and she doesn't appear to be able to ever move on with her life. But that still doesn't justify her actions.

She tells me that she still has feelings for me... and she's having a hard time choosing between the two of us. She thinks she has to decide whether she wants to be in an old comfortable relationship, or a brand new clean one.

Hey all... I have a very complicated situation. I'll try my best to explain the details.

So, my ex girlfriend and I broke up a couple months ago... if u read in the "Getting back together" forum, u can read about what I've been trying to do to get back with her. However, my ex gf's, best friend's ex bf (we'll call him bill.. haha.. confusing yet?) confessed how he felt about her a month ago. She and Bill are also best friends too. Now.. my exgf's bestfriend is really hurt by all this... cuz she's still not over Bill (it's been over 2 years since they've broken up). So now her and my ex are not talking, because she's starting to have feelings for Bill.

I'm starting to give up hope, because she started moving on before I asked her back... and Bill is a fresh new start. My question for you guys... what do you think of this whole situation? Should my ex gf not have fallen for Bill? Love is a choice! My ex and her best friend are not speaking now because of this! I dunno, but I would never date my best friend's ex if he was not okay with it...

man oh man... so messed up

probably just a weird month. my gf was a month late!! and she never even told me until after like a year later about that. sheeesh

that sounds like what i'm going through. my ex and i are broken up, but she keeps calling/msning, asking for favours from me. of course i love doing these things for her, and i want to be there for her if she needs something... but whenever we talk about getting back together, she tells me she doesn't see that happening. my heart has been dangled like a yo yo too.. sometimes i'm so happy, and i think things are getting better, but whenever i start feeling that way, she throws me down and i'm back where i started.

i'm still in around your phase too... so i'll keep you posted on what happens. for now, i haven't really changed anything, but i'm slowly realizing that we might just be meant for each other.

So we had a talk last night in my car. and she told me that she doesn't think this will work out. of course i was devastated... she doesn't think we can relate to each other very well.. and there's too much painful memories in our past. i suggested after that we don't see each other for awhile... just to help us both move on. she tells me she still loves me, and she loves talking to me (which is really weird for her to say since she says we don't communicate very well).... but she doesn't think she can be with me.

so after i suggested NC, she gets much sadder, and starts to cry... she loves me so much, but she doesn't think it'll work... i couldn't bear to see her crying so much... so i said i'd hold off NC until after her midterms are done... and we'll talk more after. she seemed to like that better. And I know I should be doing NC so she would start to miss me and rethink her decision... but her midterms are very important right now... and no matter how much i want to start NC.. i think her happiness is much more important, and her focusing on her midterms takes priority.

in fact, since i know that things will be over soon... i think i'm just gonna do as many nice things for her as i can... before i can't do them anymore. if and when she wants to end things between us, at least i can say i tried my best, and didn't go down without a fight.

i plan to go to the university after work today and give her some cookies, cinnaman buns, and tea just to give her a nice break. what else do u think would be nice if u were cramming for midterms? maybe a lil stuffed animal ?

No contact... it almost sounds like the only reason you want him back is because he dumped you and hurt your ego. what happens if you two get back together? are you just going to turn around and dump him and hurt him even more so? the guy is in enough pain already, and he's being strong about it. don't make him go through anymore hopeless thoughts/feelings again.

are you sure you're just not missing him and all the nice things he did for you? do you see any hope that this relationship would work out? if not, then best to just move on...

he could be just not that into her. and yeah when something is there all the time, and always available... you soon lose interest and find yourself just taking things for granted. ask your girlfriend to try to live her own life first, and be more independent from him.

if that doesn't work, then maybe he's just not interested, but doesn't want to let her go.

she says she's never masturbated before. yah.... that was my reaction too but i believe her 100%, she was just learning her body also, and i pretty much do everything she asked me to do. so slow and steady is the key here?

closing thanks

Thanks for the post all! I do see a faint light of hope... and although it is so incredibly difficult to let her go... i know i have to. How can i do NC without letting her feel like i'm not that into her anymore... a reason for our breakup in the past was because she didn't feel like i really loved her (me taking her for granted). i don't want her to believe that's true. I know i want to be with her, not because I miss her, but because I see her as my other half. I don't want her to feel that all the bad memories of me treating her poorly to come back to haunt her.

She kissed me last night after i hugged her saying, "here's a lil bonus". that got me really confused, and i asked her not to unless she and i were back together.... although i really want to smother her with my kisses...

i want her to know that my feelings are genuine and that i really choose to love her. i don't want her to feel neglected or put aside anymore.

As for humans having the same kind of trends and habits... i don't know if she would come back simply b/c she missed me. She's a really strong girl, and her faith is phenominal... and i don't think she would so easily give in to her feelings if she was only missing me...