Sindy_0311

I don’t think this is something I could prevent only by screening better. This is the kind of behavior you only find out when you interact in person. And outside of this, the guy was completely ok, chivalrous, respectful, paying for everything, asking questions, calling me daily, complimenting me, seemed serious relationship oriented, etc… the only thing he did wrong was to come with a rose on our first meet. Ouch

Thank you for your input. When I saw the thing I asked him “what was that” and he apologized. I took a second and decided to go to the bathroom to think about what just happened. What I came back I asked him whether we could go outside for a minute. This is where he confessed that it’s not the first time he displays those kind of behaviors. So I told him that it’s not going to work for me. I wasn’t angry, I spoke calmly, explaining that I’m not a jealous person, but that I show respect to the guy I’m dating by not looking around and I expect the same in return. He apologized again and I told him that I would rather him leaving. He proposed to drive me home but I declined. Instead I spent the whole night in this bar dancing salsa with young guys lol… (came home at 5 am, took me two days to recover) the point is: I’m happy I discussed it with him, this way I know for sure that it wasn’t a one time incident, but a pattern. You remember Stefan, the YouTube coach? He always says when you see a red flag, you address it and then you decide… but never cut people without talking first. No harm done at this point, and more important: no regrets!

I try not to meet men who appear to superficial or too much on looks, which is also the reason why its the first time it happened and it shocked me lol. I know im not 20 anymore, and I think its ok to appreciate the beautiful young people, but still I think if a guy really likes the woman (physically and her personality) he has in front of him he won't do such thing, even if usually uncontrolled. I mean second date, first kiss exchanged, we were mainly dancing and touching each other, how else could I have his entire focus if not in this context. The guy just wasn't into it. Can you frankly imagine a man really really liking the woman he is dating, and being highly attracted to her, having that look at other women during the date? I can't...

Well this is a creepy stare 😆

So basically I have to accept that I don’t look that good anymore and try to focus more on guys I might be less attracted to? And if really I want a good looking guy, even if he is older than me, I will have to deal with the competition? Ok… maybe I can try that!

He is 48 😅

Exactly… this is the kind of dates we all like and enjoy. But let’s be real… sometimes it’s not that magical. And the first dates can be more of knowing each other than really dive into each other… I was attracted to him but I wasn’t that sure of my level of interest yet. And maybe by cutting guys short so fast I take the risk to exit a good guy… (I’m 40, I might never find my mister perfect at this stage if I disqualify them so fast, that’s my friends opinion…)

So I guess it’s not an uncontrollable reflex. It’s something he chooses to do…Me for instance I do look at other men even when I’m on a date, but it’s not insistant, interrupting the conversation or accompanied with eyebrow raises… which is in reality what shocked me…

Absolutely not. I told him that i couldn’t deal with this kind of behavior and wanted to leave it at that and asked him to go. Not planning to see him again. I was just wondering whether I was to strict as one of my friends suggested and it made me second guess for a while. Also wanted to know whether you had similar experiences as I never experienced that before. Completely

I think so, a silly immature reflex.

Like I said, it was very quick, kind of like a quick burp… 1 or 2 sc max. Until he realized it was inappropriate and immediately apologized. The issue is, when we talked about what happened he said that its a reflex he is trying to get rid of… meaning that it occurs regularly and maybe already was an issue with other ladies… just another Italian guy after all 😆

That’s funny because it was our second meet. We went to a dance class and afterwards went for a drink. And it happened one hour after we exchanged our first kiss. So I guess his interest level was still low at that point.

Yes, he turned his head during the conversation just 1 second, I thought something happened behind my back because he raised his eyebrows while looking. And when he looked back at me he immediately realized I wasn’t one of his buddies standing in front of him and apologized.

Hello everyone, I had an interesting discussion with a friend and would like your opinion on one detail; How would you react if you are on a date, talking to a man and at one point you notice that he is looking at another woman who is passing right behind. Men stare at women, nothing wrong with that, but if he raises his eyebrows or turns away from the conversation to watch her walk by, how would you react? This happened to me for the first time this week during a second date. It immediatly cooled me down. I pointed this out to him, he said that he has this issue and that he knew it wasn't right. he apologized. I cut the date short. (although I really enjoyed him) My friend says I'm too strict and maybe this is the reason why I'm dating so many guys, because I always find something wrong... But this is a behavior I've never experienced with my ex-husband or any guy I've dated before. I'm interested, how would you have reacted in this case? And can you cope with a guy having wandering eye? Thanks in advance for your insights!

I sometimes have the same voice in my head, and I think many people on the dating scene has it… But then I remember that I’m single and will remain until I find someone good enough for me to not feel less worthy. I do have anxieties, but feeling better now. It comes and goes, I would call it more chronic depression. I take pills and have a psychotherapist whenever I need to. But lately I focus on accepting myself and realized that I’m enough. I have stopped beating myself up for not being like others (going out a lot, socializing easily etc…) Im 40 now and feel good having just a few good friends, my son, my job, my workout, and just staying home whenever I want to like an old lady. i still go on first dates twice a month to meet new men. Because I enjoy it. And if we don’t connect or they don’t like me, no harm done, I have almost no expectations at this point, but I don’t want to hide for the dating scene either… I think it’s a long process to find the right person, the one you will feel completely comfortable with… I think you are a smart person, you sound very sensitive and empathetic. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you, maybe you are just ok, so treat your anxieties if they have a bad impact on your everyday life, but just relax and accept yourself for who you are and let time bring you your person…

Why didn’t you wish him happy birthday on Sunday? I don’t get it? Were you disappointed he didn’t reach out after the date? In which case you could have replied with greetings? I think it comes across as rude not to wish a happy birthday to a guy you just saw the night before… I also feel uneasy about the “I saw you at the mall” text… why texting someone you saw instead of actually go greet them? If you can’t greet, then just leave it at that… agree with @Batya33 I think you used it as an excuse. Problem is, the guy might be aware of it and the fact that you like him… and not reaching out for his birthday can be considered as playing it cold… ugh. I would leave it at that and not reach out to him again. There has been to much of contradictory behaviors from your part here.

I think I watched them all in the past two years. Indeed he has also been coaching men for a few years which adds a great value to his content. I’m not really a believer but what he says always speaks to me a lot. It’s not only about love and romantic relationships, but also about healing from the past, become a better person, improving communication skills, trying to understand and accept people…etc… Sometime I just put my earrings and listen to his podcast while cleaning or doing something just to hear his voice that I like so much. It’s so comforting. Definitely my YouTube crush 😍

Thank you for watching. I'm being curious, why wouldn't you recommend it? I definitely would because it helps understanding the new dynamic everyone seems to complain of and that it has nothing to do with one's value on the "dating market". I'm dating, with intention sometimes (depends on the guy), and I found this video very helpful to better understand why men (or women) became more lazy. Now for the future of long term relationships its not very encouraging, I agree, but at least we understand that it's just a general tendency and that it (again) has nothing to do with our own value as a person.

Well I usually agree with everything this man says so I do agree with what he said in this one. Maybe it’s a bit to simple but I truly think that technology is signing the end of long lasting and committed relationships (by technology I mean men becoming more sedentary and thus testosterone decrease, the use of porn, the online dating thing, the comparison/competition on social media and so on…) it has been surveyed that women are more driven than men to get committed relationships, so maybe we (women) won’t be able to sustain them if they (men) no longer find any assets in entertaining those kind of relationships.

Just wanted to share this very interesting podcast I just watched

Yes I think it was obvious. but he didn't take that opportunity. From my experience, when you mention a place or an activity to do in a conversation, men often jump at the opportunity to ask you out, it's a classic, such an opening. He said he would arrange a group outing, he didn't do yet... He didn't ask her out when she mentioned the bar, I think its fair to say that he is either lazy or not really interested... I wouldn't try anymore.

Wow this is a huge long text! Why didn’t he take the initiative to call you to explain the situation instead of sending a novel? Because he didn’t want to discus the situation with you or having to answer to some of your questions. he just doesn’t care enough. ps: some men are liars and manipulators… and others are just not that interested… I think you should read some books or articles, read some podcast about dating nowadays, how to avoid getting played by men or dragged along, how to recognize red flags and so on… search YouTube, google whatever but please protect your heart and your time from manipulators… 🙏

Does she know about your habits? Are you doing it to please her? I have been dating many man for the last two years (I’m 40) and I never asked what they were doing when I wasn’t with them. Meaning if they watched porn, I had no issue with it. Most of the men I have been dating were into this and I think it’s something natural. I have no right to judge them or ask them to stop doing it. I also have my habits and I wouldn’t stop them just because I started talking to someone. It’s part of my life as a single woman and it’s important for my own well being and psychological sanity. Now if you are addicted to it, it’s another issue. And cutting it of just because you met someone online won’t cure the addiction in the long term. i don’t get it why you stopped it… Can I ask why you cut it off? Are you ashamed? Or is it because it’s an addiction? Did you ask her whether she likes porn? Maybe this is something you could enjoy together… Hope you both will enjoy the first meet!!!

Slightly touching arm while laughing is not forbidden that I know, but it works very well to show someone you appreciate them. It’s IMO the best way to break the physical barrier on a date, especially with a coworker. It’s not aggressive, discret and most important: non sexual…

I think we are having an issue here 😁 How can she give him a green light then?