feral_racoon_gf

We all forget ourselves at times. That's no reason to not show compassion and give someone a chance to step back into their own integrity.

I did not ask for the hoodie. I pointed it out and he said he would get it.

Besides adhd no disorder that I know of. But his friend group is overtly goofy and playful which I think is the element they were going for but overstepped the boundary of acceptable conduct. I plan on bringing your last point up as a hypothetical when we discuss how this affects me and my feelings. Games are boring and I'm tired. We're adults and we can use our words.

I had this thought. But since we've been good about communicating and I'm otherwise happy, I even like this girl I'm willing to at least discuss it before I pull the plug. I'm not asking him to stop being excited around her or even to stop doing anything other than not acting like her butler and doing things in public that seem like bf/gf stuff. If he can't handle that I don't want it. But if he can stop and think before he acts maybe it can work.

I love this answer! Thank you

Ok, pedantic. He was told by me in passing a few times a week because we were discussing plans and scheduling. He knew well that it was my bday and I didn't harp on him about it. It just came up naturally... So he was told. We talked about it the night before because he asked if I wanted to go out or make plans. We discussed put put. Those plans got cancelled later but he still forgot to tell me happy birthday all day and didn't get my anything. He didn't make the reservation for put put, I did. Aside from that... you have a point.

I never asked for a gift or told him directly about my birthday. We were with my other friends and the subject came up. He even asked me to remind him a few times.... Terrie doesn't ask him for anything. He just does it automatically out of habit as a show of endearment I guess.

I [34f] would like to preface this issue by stating that my bf [31m] does a lot for me, shows public affection, never cancels on me, and treats me all the time. I generally feel prioritized and secure. There is only an issue when the three of us get together or the entire friend group is around. The more I think about my boyfriend (we'll call him Steve) and his best friend (we'll call her Terrie) the more triggered I feel. Not because I think there is anything romantic between them or that he doesn’t want me, but because I feel like the whole truth wasn’t spoken to me and that he might not be completely emotionally available. During the Halloween party we met at, Steve was constantly seeking “his bestie,” Terrie. They were jokey and goofy. It didn't seem inappropriate to me. But when he wasn't trying to flirt with me he was seeking her out. This was despite the fact that all of his other close friends were there. This didn't really bother me but I did notice they were close. When I asked him what his favorite rom-com was he said, “When Harry Met Sally.” Naturally asked if he thought men and women could be just friends if the guy found the woman attractive. He said, “No!” He only took that back after I confronted him because Terrie spilled the beans about them being besties and spending all their time together before her husband showed up on the scene. I suppose that's when they curbed their hangouts. Terrie said he was her best friend for years and they would go shopping together all the time, just him and her. Sometimes with another female friend of theirs. This information dropped when we were out celebrating her new job with their friend group. This same night he went over to her, bent a knee, held her hand, and gushed over how she was a beautiful queen and she deserves the world, yadda yadda. I thought to myself, "How precious that he has a cherished friend that he elevates! Surely this is a good sign that he respects and values women." It was only slightly awkward for me, the new gf. Then, at a dinner party with his friend group, he completely ignored me and served her like a butler. He served her first and even when she didn't ask for a drink. He kept checking on her and asking if she needed something else; running to grab her a beer. Then when I got frustrated and told him I needed another beer, he said, "Wow, you drank that so fast I didn't notice!" The optics alone are unnerving. I do have a problem with it. It bothered me enough to tell my best friend about it and it still made me mad when I told her. I get a pit in my stomach every time I think about it. I don’t have a problem with Terrie at all. She has done everything in her power to include me, bond with me, and assure me. In fact, I find myself wanting to be closer to her. I was hoping we'd be friends from the moment I met her and I enjoy her company. She clearly never wanted him romantically or sexually. She does obviously enjoy the attention he gives her, but I think she respects me enough to be wary of how their dynamic might come across to a romantic partner of his. I can't help but wonder if her efforts to pull me in are an attempt to get him to treat me the way he should and prioritize me. She's married and has been for a while. But if he was reluctant to settle for friendship with her and never dealt with that, I don't deserve the half-assed emotional commitment. Steve just… maybe isn’t admitting to himself the nature of his own feelings. Even if he does feel strongly for me, that doesn’t mean his feelings for Terrie or his actions are appropriate. He definitely did not prioritize me at that moment. I don't think he's done the emotional work of getting over her and setting healthy boundaries in their friendship. I don't know how to have a conversation with him about this. I don't know where to start. Boundaries need to be established and he needs to know how this behavior affects me. But I don't know what to say to him. Oh, and to top it off, he forgot my birthday and didn't get me anything. I told him for weeks and we even discussed it the night before. We were out shopping once and I pointed out a cool hoodie. He said he was gonna come back and get it for my birthday. My birthday rolled around and he didn't even tell me happy birthday all day. He only remembered because my best friend made a post on social about it. He apologized and asked what I wanted to do but didn't make an effort to get me anything or offer any suggestions really, other than asking me what I want to do.

No, i completely agree. Proof positive i dodged a HUGE bullet.

I told him he wasn’t emotionally available and used examples. He said he liked me but couldn’t commit. Basically everything he said until this point was a lie. Very manipulative. He still insisted he bought the ticket. I really did dodge a bullet.

Update. I called him out and we broke up

Flight number, take off, landing, flight duration and a confirmation number. The rest is cut off. looks like an email he screen shot.

I agreed to this trip before he got distant. Him following through is a good thing... It feels like I'm being attacked for wanting him to follow through. That doesn't mean the bigger picture doesn't raise issues in context.

Why wouldn't I attend a trip with a guy I'm interested in? Seems odd. We were seeing each other at least once a week. I was fine with that. I'm upset that we stopped seeing each other because he stopped trying to make plans. But he's been sick for a week on top of it. So we're going on two weeks without seeing each other...

He's sick and afraid he's contagious. He send a pic of one ticket but it didn't have all of the info on it. I would expect plane tickets to have names. I've never flown before. He went over when we take off, where we are staying, and when we get back. He said he would pay for my ticket if I covered food.

I don't doubt that. Him buying a plane ticket and rsvp'ing me to his friends wedding in Aug has me confused though.

He's 29

I've been dating this guy for two and a half months. We've made it official and had the boyfriend girlfriend talk. I've noticed that he has suddenly stopped talking about wanting me, or anything sexual and he's stopped telling me he wants to see me. He used to say he wanted to see me all of the time. Even if he wasn't being entirely serious, it was a cute way to flirt and show interest. We saw each other once or twice a week for the most part. There was one week where he hinted at us getting together but never asked. I finally told him I was trying to finalize my weekend plans and asked if we were going to hang out. He told me he had half a plan to see me. I felt disrespected by that but I just told him I would hang out with my friend instead. He was supportive of that decision. I told him later that I felt disrespected by this "half plan". Then about two weeks ago we went out with my friends and he and I were intimate that night and morning, Thursday and Friday. Then he left for a trip to see his friends a few hours away. He came back Sunday severely hung over as expected... but he really didn't seem to want to see me. I made a quick exit. There was a half hearted hug that I attributed to the hangover. So I gave him space. He knew I was off Monday and he didn't have work the next two weeks. He didn't try to make plans with me and he didn't buy plane tickets for an upcoming wedding he said he would buy before his trip and send me details. Wednesday came around and I told him I was worried he didn't really want me to go. He said he forgot. He lives in walking distance from a bunch of bars and he went out Mon and Tue. Told me met some cool people. Wed he got excited to hear that I was at his fave bar and said he was sorry he couldn't make it because he was streaming. Odd because I didn't invite him lol. Four days, and he didn't try to make plans to see me. Then Thursday he got sick. Then Monday rolled around and he finally bought the plane tickets and sent me a pic of one ticket without a name on it. He hammered out details with me. He's still feeling sick but much better; worried he's contagious. But he has only talked about how he really wants to go out again. He hasn't said he misses me, he hasn't said he wants to see me, no plans, no sweet talk. It's been two weeks. I told him it made me feel like he's losing interest but I wasn't sure if it was my anxiety. He asked if he was doing something wrong. I said no but told him his sudden lack of affection concerned me. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something isn't right and I don't know if I'm overreacting. Am I just traumatized and hypervigilant or is this something I should be concerned about?