torn143

I agree, that the new guys seems a lot better. But the ex and I just have this connection where we don't have to say a word to each other and everything's just fine. I know that the relationship with the ex will never work out, but it felt almost impulsive to run back to him for that acceptance and that love (however fleeting it it). So, I know I should call it off with the ex, but how do I do this? I kinda don't want to tell him that there's someone else.

...and not quite sure what to do…I've never been in a situation like this before. I've only had one serious relationship, in which I discovered I had a lot of insecurities and eventually led to the breakdown of the relationship. I was very desperate and needy with him and he always wanted more and more space (he also had a lot of baggage and things he needed to deal with ). We fought constantly throughout the relationship and it became abusive at times. When he started going to bars and threatening to be with other girls is when I decided in my head that it was "over". We'd never be able to go back to the good times. Well, during one of our "on-off" sessions (we broke up viciously a lot, only to get back together), I met someone who was very sweet. He did all the things that my ex wouldn't…as in help me with stuff that I needed to do (we were constantly doing things for him). The guy seemed genuinely sweet, and everyone thought we'd be great together. And I liked the attention he was giving me. We began officially dating about a week ago, and soon after I found out something that kinda hurt my feelings and when I tried to bring it up to him, he got really defensive (which took me by surprise because HE was the one who suggested that we ALWAYS talk things out rationally to avoid what happened in my last relationship). I just got more hurt from talking about it and I just didn't want to deal with it. It felt like I was going to relive the same relationship I had prior (because we had some issues like that in the beginning as well). I know this is going to sound really horrible, and I do feel guilty about it, but I ended up going to my ex's house that night. I just wanted acceptance and comfort, and I knew that since we hadn't seen each other for a while, that he would be nice and that we wouldn't fight. I went there with no intention to get close with him, he's kinda the only person I could just "hang" with. But the thing is, he doesn't know about this other guy. But soon we fell back into the physical stuff, and saying "I love you", and now it feels like we're back together. The next day, the new guy and I talked things over and he apologized for hurting me, he said he was sad to think that it could have been "over" before it began. We talked a lot, worked things out and then hung out yesterday. So, now I'm in a dilemma and I'm so confused. I've never thought that I would do something like this, but it seems like I'm caught between two people and I'm not sure what to do. I don't think what I'm doing is right, but I can't choose between the two of them. I really need some guidance and some sound advice. Please don't criticize me, I just really need to know how to resolve this

Thank you for your replies and support. I do feel like my ex is bi-polar, I've never met such a moody person in my life. I used to think it was my fault (atleast that's what he made it out to be). But I realize since the new guy has come into my life, that it's not. He makes me smile, and laugh just as much as I make him laugh and smile. I never feel sick to my stomach when I think about his life, like I did with my ex. I broke it off completely with the ex. I just hope he doesn't threaten me again. I told him when I broke it off that I just didn't want that happening, and he said "ok", but who knows what he's capable of. In the meantime, I feel like a weight has lifted of my shoulders and that God has sent me a little angel (the new guy) to make up for all the suffering I went through in my last relationship (and it was pretty horrible). Thanks for your advice....you guys are a great help!

I apologize, this might be long…. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now, and it's just not working. We've been through a lot, he has a lot of baggage and has mood swings (he's on medication, but when he stops it's pretty bad). He's done a lot to hurt me and to tear down my self-esteem. In our most recent fight he threatened to ruin my life, and he may be capable of it. We've gotten into physical fights (thankfully, that hasn't happened in the past 6 months). When we fight verbally, it's pretty bad for the both of us. Sometimes I sit and wonder how this ever happened. No one ever plans on being in a relationship like this, and it just seems so surreal and scary. I don't trust him at all, he has numerous e-mail accounts which he never told me about, and I fear that his "womanizing" ways are not over. He's very sneaky and he lies A LOT. I've caught him in one lie after another. We broke up recently (not surprising is it?) for about two weeks. In that time, a guy who I always caught looking at me, found out that I was "single" and started pursuing me. He is an absolute doll. He's so sweet, he leaves me the sweetest messages, he pays attention to me, and he actually cares about me and what's going on in my life. My "boyfriend" never cared, never really talked to me about my life, he was always talking about HIS car, HIS work, HIS home, HIS errands…it was all about him. Now this new guy wants to take my car to go get it washed, wants to make sure that my home is clean, he wants to make sure that my life is good and that I'm happy, and it's a breath of fresh air! He's sweeter than anyone has ever been to me. The thing is, he started pursuing me in that time that I thought my relationship with my "boyfriend" was completely over, I wasn't returning his calls, I wasn't calling him, I was done. I was happy to start my life fresh with this new guy who treated me like a princess. Then one day he sent me a threatening e-mail (with "evidence" as an attachment) and ofcourse I went into hysterics. I had 2 weeks of peace and it came crumbling down within a minute of the "boyfriend" contacting me. He was off meds, so I knew I had to calm him down before he did something drastic so I agreed to talk to him. I went over his house, and I tried to remain very stiff, but with an understanding ear. He just kept telling me how he missed me and wants me in his life. He kept telling me he loved me (but with all that has happened, I don't believe it at all). After that night things just seemed to go back how it used to when we were together except for one thing, I kept thinking about the new guy, and I felt horrible about everything. I'm being deceptive to both, and I don't want to be. On one hand, I'm very used to the relationship with my "boyfriend", although it does feel like emotional insanity about 70% of the time. On the other hand, I have the possibility of being with a great guy , but he has one flaw, that I'm not quite sure I can get over and I've also heard stuff that kinda scares me about him. Am I horrible for being in this situation and putting them through this? I just don't know what else to do though. I can't tell the new guy that I went back to the horrible relationship (he knows a lot of the situation, but thought it was over). And if my "boyfriend" ever found out about this guy, I know he'll do something really dumb and try to make my life horrible. Please help, I know I put myself in this situation but I'm not quite sure what to do.