Lella

Imust warn you that I am slightly bitter on marriage right now... so take my opinion with a grain of salt. I think the very best thing you can do for everyone involved is to postpone the wedding. You did not give any indication that you don't necessarily want to marry your fiance. It's just that you hit this little "speed bump" (a confusing one at that). Do not, I repeat, do NOT get married and hope the crush will pass. It won't. It will get worse because you will feel a sense of entrapment and isolation and your mind will run even further away from you than it already is. Pre-marriage fantasies only become more intense after you get married. It's the old "what if I had followed my heart..." thing. This is essentially making it impossible for you to start a marriage/family on a fair footing. No one will win with this, least of all the daughter. Should you become scared and suffocated, you will want out at all costs. Then you will definitely end up leaving this little girl with no father figure. Give yourself some time. As much as you need. I don't know how you would break this to the old fiance exactly... suddenly I'm fresh out of advice. Just do yourself a favor and wait a while

Thank you all so very much! Your thoughts have prompted me to think about this situation in a different way now. Very much appreciated!!!!

I have never posted any kind of solicitation for advice before, but I feel like I have absolutely nowhere left to find any answers. Three years ago I married a fantastic man. He's loyal, honest, good-looking, sweet, extremely kind to me, loving, everything! He is absolutely everything any woman would dream of! Since the day we married I have regretted it. He remains all those things above and more, but I have never felt "comfortable" as a married woman. When I would attempt to explain this feeling to my friends and family (to a more limited extent), the best I can describe it as is suddenly being very uncomfortable in your own skin. It was like I woke up one day and didn't recognize myself. Now, nothing spectacular changed in my life like I was giving up friends, free time, dreams, etc. In fact, quite the opposite. I was getting a masters degree when we married (he has not finished college by the way and is in a blue collar trade, while I am entering into a different level of professional development. I feel kind of like this increases distance between us). I then decided to pursue a PhD. (He still is working in the shop to support us and I am ETERNALLY grateful). I never thought the whole education gap between would matter... I'm not that kind of person. I don't think it can be the reason for my wanting a divorce either because I literally felt uncomfortable in marriage from day one. I finally made the decision to get a divorce (uncontested... he only wants my happiness above all else and would do anything for me). However, we are still living together and plan to continue. But I'm now wondering if after the divorce is final (next week) I will still want more space. I am now thinking of moving out (but haven't told him this part yet). Financially, it will be really tough to move out (it doesn't make a lot of sense, other than the fact that I want more space). But I still can't let myself just break it off totally with him. I don't want to hurt him and I'm not even sure I don't want to be with him. But I know that I don't want to be married and I want more space. I suppose the best thing I can do is just tell him that, but I feel as if I need some kind of compelling reason to have these feelings... and I have none. I can't even begin to explain to my family why I would do this. They love him (and with good reason), but I feel like I just can't do it this anymore. I am under extreme pressure and stress with school and everything, and I seriously am clueless about the reasons for my feeling this way. I wish more than anything that somehow this problem would just resolve itself (its dragged on and on since I can't justify my feelings to myself or anyone else). I'm so tired and hopeless at this point, I just want someone to tell me what the right thing to do is and I will do it. I can't understand why I can't commit and why I don't love him the way I'm supposed to. I did love him once... and I'm not sure what happened. Everyone in my life (most of all him) will be devastated by my leaving. I need to have a solid explanation for everyone and I need to do it decisively. Can anyone please please help me? Please tell me if you are (or know of) a woman who has had similar feelings/experiences. I feel like I am the first woman in history to have this problem (usually commitment problems are mens domain). I need some guidance. Any responses are VERY much appreciated!!!!!